DEAR ABBY: I have been in a two-year relationship with a man who is loving and intelligent. We have talked about marriage since the beginning. I have traditional values, while he doesn't believe the institution of marriage is necessary.

This would be a second marriage for both of us. Our children are grown, so having kids doesn't factor into this decision. He says he's willing to marry me because he knows how important marriage is to me. I was raised in the church, and living together not only makes me uncomfortable, but is looked down upon by my family.

For a while he wanted to wait for a few of his financial issues to be worked out. They have been, but he doesn't seem ready to move forward. Another issue is that while we are compatible in most ways, we are polar opposites when it comes to politics and religion. It bothers me, but he says we don't have to agree on everything -- that if we did, life would be boring. I feel that to have a happy relationship, a couple's essential values and morals should be similar.

He never wants to discuss political issues, and it makes things difficult and awkward. I know he doesn't feel the same as I do, but he doesn't want to start an argument or discussion. We never really fight, but sometimes I'd like to be able to talk about what is going on in the world.

I'm wondering if a relationship with so many differences can survive. He does make me happy, and we have a very passionate, loving relationship. -- OPPOSITES ATTRACT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OPPOSITES ATTRACT: Opposites often attract, that's true. And, depending upon the people involved, it can lead to successful marriages.

However, couples in a solid relationship need to be able to communicate honestly with each other, and your gentleman friend appears not to be capable of doing it fully, which is not a good sign. If you plan on taking this relationship to the next level, I recommend the two of you have premarital counseling. Your church may offer it. Or, if he would prefer, consult a licensed marriage and family counselor.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 3. She has reached the point where she notices and comments upon others' appearance. Generally, her comments are of the "that lady has a big bottom!" variety, spoken loudly and within earshot. We are working on the concepts of manners and tact, in addition to learning that people come in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc.

In the meantime, however, have you any suggestions for how to address the subjects of her comments? I've offered some version of "I'm sorry, we're still working on our manners," but it seems to imply that I'm teaching her to make her hurtful comments in a quieter voice. -- EMBARRASSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You are overthinking this. Children sometimes say the darndest things. The way you're handling it is just fine. I hardly think anyone will be wounded for life because of anything a 3-year-old utters. (Everything looks "big" to a kid that age.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a columnist who writes various news, feature and column stories. The other day, I received my first criticism. A reader chewed me out for challenging their program.

It's hard being a young writer. Facing criticism for doing my job makes it even harder. I work long hours and pour my life into my work.

After being chewed out, I couldn't get past it. I suffer from severe anxiety, so everything gets to me. I sit here every day thinking about how I'm not going to let this irritate me anymore, but it still does. How can I let this go? -- STRESSED REPORTER

DEAR STRESSED: Criticism goes with the territory. If you think readers are going to fill your inbox with nothing but praise for your efforts every day, you are in the wrong business. The way to get beyond this would be to ask yourself whether the criticism was valid. If it was, then learn from it. If it wasn't, realize that by dwelling on negativity, you hurt only yourself.

You should discuss your extreme anxiety with a licensed mental health professional. If you cannot break this self-defeating pattern, consider switching to another kind of writing, because constantly second-guessing yourself will only hold you back in your career.

DEAR ABBY: I was about to break off the relationship with my girlfriend two years ago, right before she was diagnosed with cancer. Because of the diagnosis, I decided to stay while she was fighting.

After two years of chemo, radiation and many, many surgeries, she's still fighting hard and may beat it. But I'm ready to move on with my life. Do I need to stay in the relationship until there's some type of conclusion with her cancer? -- ON HOLD IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ON HOLD: Considering that you were about to break up with this woman before she was diagnosed, I commend you for staying as long as you have. Your girlfriend could live this way for many more years to come. After two years, you should have a right to enjoy your own life. It might lessen the blow if you assure her that you are not abandoning her, and although your relationship may be changing, you will continue to be her supportive friend.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I argue over which way to put the silverware in the dishwasher. He says when he worked in restaurants he was told to put the handles down. I was taught by my Gramma to put the handles up, so when you grab the utensils to put them away you're not touching the part that goes in your mouth.

I said, "Well, when you're doing the dishes, do them your way, and when I do them, I'll do it my way." But, of course, we spend a lot of time rearranging each other's silverware. What's the correct way? -- JOELLE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR JOELLE: The answer to your question should be as simple as consulting the user handbook that came with your dishwasher. Most, if not all, brands caution owners to put knives in the basket with the points facing down. However, to prevent "nesting," spoons and forks will get optimum water pressure if they are facing up.

DEAR ABBY: I'm starting to worry about my boyfriend's relationship with his mother. He's deploying at the end of the month. We have been friends for a long time and dating for a year. He's 31 and lives with his parents. We had just gotten a place together prior to finding out about his deployment.

The problem is, his mother comes over constantly, and she waits on him hand and foot. She tags along to his sporting events and cheers him on as if he's a 6-year-old. If he's hungry, she rushes to fix his food and brings him lunch while he's working. She makes all of his doctors' appointments for him and is on his bank account. She also texts me to find out where he is if he has been out of touch for a few hours.

She has taken a lot of time off work to spend with him. I hardly see him alone anymore because he's constantly with her. At the beginning of his deployment, he will be in Texas for a month. During that time he will get a week off. He told his mom the dates of his time off prior to telling me, and she booked a flight for the entire time! This means I will have no alone time with him or time to say a private goodbye.

I love him very much, but this whole mom thing has got me second-guessing everything. Abby, is this normal? -- COMING IN SECOND

DEAR COMING IN SECOND: No, it's not normal. It appears that when your boyfriend was born, the umbilical cord, instead of being severed, remained securely in place.

I hope you realize that if you should marry him at some point, you will be getting a husband who never learned independence, and you will be expected to take up exactly where his mother left off. Your problem is not that you are "coming in second," honey, it's that he appears to be already married -- to Mom!

DEAR ABBY: I have lived with my girlfriend for three years now. She works; I'm retired. She's 52; I'm 62. We get along well.

My problem is, she insists on having her 10-year-old grandson stay over every other weekend and holidays. It is a 70-mile round trip to pick him up. This means that half our weekends are consumed with baby-sitting him.

He's a good kid; I just feel that 26 weekends out of the year is extreme. Her ex -- the grandfather -- gets the boy for a more reasonable amount of the time -- maybe six times a year. Your thoughts? -- MIFFED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MIFFED: I am going to assume that you have already discussed this with your girlfriend and she knows you are unhappy with the arrangement.

She may want to see as much of her grandson as she can because she knows that in another few years he won't be as available to her as he has been. (How many teenage boys really want to spend weekends and holidays with their grandmother instead of with their friends?)

While I don't blame you for wanting more child-free weekends and holidays, if she isn't willing to compromise, perhaps it's time to rethink your living arrangement so you can plan adult activities on your own.