life

For Mom Rewriting Her Will, Time With Her Kids Is Money

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 5th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I divorced my narcissistic husband after our children were raised. Over the years, I have tried to have a relationship with all of my children and their families.

When I asked one of them for a three-day weekend with her children, she texted me saying they all had a lot going on. Then she added, "Maybe next year." I may not be here next year!

I know she may never read this, but it doesn't matter to me if it will help someone who does read it. I have decided to change my will. If I'm not worth my children's time, they don't deserve my money. Your thoughts? -- WORTHLESS UP NORTH

DEAR WORTHLESS: Could it be possible that your daughter and her family are actually busy? Not knowing how you raised your children, it's hard to render an opinion, but from your reaction, you appear to have a troubled relationship with this daughter. Rather than disinherit her, try to find out what motivated her to text what she did so fences can be mended. If that's not possible, then you have every right to reallocate your assets as you wish.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & ParentingMoney
life

Being Lifelong Target of Ridicule Eats at Self-Esteem

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 5th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Prior to meeting me, my husband was in a long-term relationship with a woman, "Karen," who was also a close friend of his sisters. Their relationship and the friendships ended due to Karen's behavior. Years passed, and then my husband met me.

Now, 10 years later, the sisters have decided to befriend Karen again. This would normally not be an issue, but Karen is invited to all family parties and weddings. It is very uncomfortable for my husband and me, as we feel we don't have the option to skip these events. I have tried to quietly object, but I'm being painted as "immature." Please help. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: If you and your husband prefer not to socialize regularly with Karen, you certainly don't have to. However, your discomfort with her does not entitle you to insist your sisters-in-law exclude her from all of their parties. Attend the ones you must, make the best of them, and send your regrets for the rest.

Love & DatingAbuse
life

Old Flame's Rekindled Friendship Adds Tension to Family Functions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 5th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3
Family & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
life

Sister Can't Watch as Brother's Bullying Wife Calls the Shots

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 4th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My brother has been married for 11 years to a woman who is very controlling. She's 32, he's 38, and they have two kids.

She has all the traits of a bully. She decided if, when and how they got married, whether to have kids, when and how many. She also decides what he wears and what friends he has. She doesn't allow him to socialize with his friends, controls his work schedule, home schedule, etc. When things don't go her way, she yells and screams.

I'm afraid this unhealthy relationship is beginning to affect their kids. I hate to see him taken advantage of. What can I do or say to him to help him be more assertive? Or should I talk to her instead? -- CONCERNED SISTER

DEAR CONCERNED SISTER: You can't wave a magic wand and make someone who isn't assertive be assertive. Nowhere in your letter did you mention that your brother has confided that he's unhappy with his wife running things. If he does, suggest he talk to a psychologist for tips on how to change the dynamic in his marriage. If not, you should stay out of it.

Family & Parenting
life

Having a Wedding Is High on Septuagenarian's Bucket List

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 4th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a man in my 70s. I want to be married. I have never been, but I have always wanted the experience of a wedding.

The bulk of my life has been spent acquiring five graduate degrees beyond high school. I have terminated several long-term relationships and had two failed engagements.

Is there any hope for a wedding for me before my Maker calls? -- FORLORN IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR FORLORN: You may yearn for the experience of a wedding, but have you considered what responsibilities may come afterward? Weddings are expensive, but divorce can be even more so.

I find it interesting that you would ask this question without mentioning that you had a particular love interest in mind. Until you figure out why you have a history of failed relationships, I do not think you should rush to the altar. Throw a nice party instead.

Marriage & DivorceHolidays & CelebrationsWork & School
life

Second-Time College Student Is Dismayed by Change in Classmates' Behavior

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 4th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 35-year-old woman who is returning to community college after a 10-year absence. I'm disturbed by the lack of respect that some of my classmates show. Many times they show up 30 to 45 minutes late. (The classes are only an hour and 15 minutes long.) Also, some of them constantly talk during the lectures, forcing the teachers to talk over them.

When I was in college the first time, teachers were allowed to deny a student entry to class if they arrived late and to kick students out if they were causing a disturbance. These students are robbing us of our class time because the teacher must make time to let them in, wait for them to stop talking, etc. Is this just me being too serious, or is this a generational problem of parents not raising children to respect others? -- CRANKY COLLEGE LADY

DEAR CRANKY: Neither one. It's a case of a teacher not being in control of his/her classroom. Talk to the teacher about how you feel, and to the head of the department if you think new rules should be put in place. Your point is valid.

Work & School
life

Mom's Past Relationship Is Subject of Sons' Curiosity

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 3rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When I was a young, newly divorced, single mother, I returned to college. There I met a woman in similar circumstances. We became fast friends, decided to pool our resources while we pursued higher education and moved in together. Over time, the friendship became more than platonic.

This was my first experience with same-sex relationships, and I loved her deeply. We had six years together, but ultimately it didn't work out and we moved on. I have been in a committed marriage all these years since.

Recently, her now-grown sons called me to "catch up." During the course of the conversation, they asked me if their mother and I had had an intimate relationship. I didn't know what to say. My ex became very religious after our split and has never openly acknowledged (that I know of) the nature of our relationship.

It's certainly not my story to tell, but I didn't know how to respond to her sons without telling a blatant lie or giving an answer that would verify their suspicions. So I faked losing the phone connection to keep from answering. What should I do the next time they call? -- ANCIENT HISTORY IN ARIZONA

DEAR ANCIENT HISTORY: Do not "out" her to her sons. The next time they call, if that question is asked again, handle it with a laugh and say they should take their questions about their mother's sex life directly to her. Period!

Sex & GenderFriends & NeighborsFamily & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Losing Baby Weight Gets Harder When Husband Tries to Help

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 3rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently had a baby and gained 25 pounds. My husband and I decided to go on a post-baby diet, which includes cutting out carbs and sugar. Over the past month, he has lost about 15 pounds; I lost eight.

The problem is, he is constantly talking about our diet. He dictates everything we eat, although he refuses to cook. He also wants to know my exact weight to see how I'm doing. Abby, I'm too embarrassed to tell him my weight as I'm a few pounds heavier than he is.

Why doesn't he understand that weighing me is very embarrassing? He constantly tells me he loves me and wants to help me live a healthy lifestyle. I should also mention that I have suffered from emotional eating my entire life. -- NOT WANTING TO WEIGH IN

DEAR NOT WANTING TO WEIGH IN: The person determining your post-baby diet should not be your husband; it should be your doctor or a licensed nutritionist. Your husband may be well-meaning, but what he is doing is counterproductive. When emotional eaters are stressed, they eat! Please schedule an appointment with your physician and your spouse to talk about what's going on because it is not healthy for you or your marriage.

Marriage & DivorceHealth & SafetyMental Health
life

Job Security Prevents Mom From Moving to Be Near Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 3rd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I raised all five of my children without much help from their deadbeat dad, who was never around. They are grown now. I am still single and barely making a living.

All of my kids live around the Dallas area. I don't. Where I live is working for me because I have jobs, but I want to be near them. Should I throw away what I have to go and be near them, or stay where I am financially stable? I love my children so much. -- LONESOME MOM

DEAR LONESOME MOM: Unless you are sure you can find work in the Dallas area, you should not relocate. It would make more sense for you to discuss this with your children and encourage them to visit you more often, if it's feasible.

Family & ParentingMoneyWork & School

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