DEAR ABBY: I have a 16-year-old stepdaughter, "Candy." My wife recently discovered three bottles of liquor in the car Candy drives. When confronted, she told my wife the booze was for an upcoming party. We grounded her.

My wife called her ex-husband to tell him their daughter is grounded and he would have to pick her up on his visitation weekend, as she won't be driving. He then informed my wife he was the one who bought her the booze! I'm dumbfounded and don't know how to handle this. Please advise. -- SHOCKED IN HOUSTON

DEAR SHOCKED: Candy is only 16, so she can be forgiven her lapse in judgment. Her father is old enough to know better than to hand over bottles of alcohol to his minor child. In the state of Texas, he has violated the law. The legal age for consumption or possession of alcohol is 21, with few exceptions. If you are smart, you will stay out of it. Your wife and her ex should discuss this and reach an agreement about how this will be handled in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to share a positive experience I hope will help others. It's what a relief divorce can be.

I was miserable married to my husband. I used to hear people on the radio talk about their beloved husband or wife, and my heart would twist with regret that I never felt that way. I spent years almost numb because I was lying to myself about my marriage. I spent years reading books on how to improve our relationship, years going to workshops. Nothing changed.

I was always walking on eggshells waiting for him to yell. I didn't trust my husband to be kind to me, and frankly, I don't think he ever loved me.

After much therapy and a lot of very hard work, I finally got out of the relationship. I thank God every day for my freedom. Sometimes I'm so happy being by myself reading a book or making my own plans that I feel I'm going to burst with joy. My days are precious to me now. For me, divorce has been an awakening. -- PATRICIA IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR PATRICIA: While divorce can be therapeutic, it isn't the answer for everyone. Because you were married to an angry, abusive man, it's for the best that you finally ended the marriage. I can't help feeling that what you did was a positive step for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: When we go to church with our daughters, ages 9 and 11, we are greeted at the door by an usher in his 70s. He has told our 9-year-old several times that he's going to marry her when she grows up. She doesn't know what to say. My husband and I don't like it. What should we do? -- DUMBSTRUCK IN THE EAST

DEAR DUMBSTRUCK: Tell the usher privately that his comment is not appreciated. Discuss it with the minister afterward, if necessary. Your daughter is a nice girl, but I wouldn't blame her if she told him, "If you're still alive and breathing by the time I'm grown up, I'll consider it."

DEAR ABBY: More than 10,000 baby boomers in the U.S. turn 65 every day, and enter the "age of risk" for Alzheimer's disease. I have witnessed the devastating effects of this disease in my work as a neurologist, as a clinical researcher, and sadly, in my own family.

The good news is that we are now starting prevention trials to try to stop memory loss before it begins! The A4 (Anti-Amyloid Treatment in Asymptomatic Alzheimer's) Study is the first clinical trial designed for people who have the earliest signs of Alzheimer's disease beginning in the brain, but don't yet have any symptoms of the disease. The A4 Study is enrolling healthy 65- to 85-year-olds across the country who may be at risk for memory loss due to Alzheimer's disease.

I feel a new sense of hope, but we really need volunteers to join us. Our motto for the A4 Study is "Now is the time," and now really is the time to make a difference in defeating Alzheimer's disease. I hope your readers who are interested will call (toll-free) (844) 247-8839 or visit A4study.org to receive more information or to join us. -- REISA SPERLING, M.D., PROJECT DIRECTOR, HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL

DEAR DR. SPERLING: I'm pleased to alert my readers to your clinical trial. Living to a "ripe old age" can be a mixed blessing because the older we get, the greater the likelihood of Alzheimer's disease entering the picture.

Readers, Dr. Sperling is looking for subjects with a family history of Alzheimer's disease or who, through prescreening, have been discovered to have amyloid plaques forming in the brain. There are more than 65 study sites throughout the U.S. and several in Canada, so you may be able to find a location near you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been somewhat taken aback by two retirement party invitations I received lately. Both require an "entrance fee" of $15 to $20. I have never heard of or experienced something like this before. When I retired from teaching 10 years ago, I held my own retirement party at my home. I supplied the food and beverages and requested "no gifts, please."

Is there a new custom that requires people to pay an admission price to a party? If someone pays to go to the party, is he/she also expected to bring a gift? Honestly, I'm a little put off being asked to pay to celebrate my friends' retirements. Should I be, or is this an appropriate request? -- WONDERING IN OHIO

DEAR WONDERING: I don't blame you for feeling put off. I don't know who is supposedly giving the parties for your friends, but if you're being asked to pay for your food and beverages, it appears that no host is. If you pay to attend these parties, your presence should be your gift. And if you choose not to go, I wouldn't blame you.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband had an affair with a woman who was one of my dearest friends. My heart is broken; my marriage is over. I have lost my home and my friend. It has been a struggle for me to recover.

My daughter, with whom I am very close, continues to have a relationship with this woman. While I know it's not my place to tell her who to be friends with (she's 22), I can't help but feel betrayed.

My daughter is pregnant, and this woman seems to be attempting to play mother and push her way into every detail of my daughter's pregnancy. It's extremely upsetting to me to have to share one more thing with her. She already took my home and husband; I would like to keep my daughter and grandbaby. What to do? -- THE REAL GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR REAL GRANDMA: Although you cannot cut this woman completely out of your life because she is now with your ex, calmly discuss this with your daughter. She may have reasons that you are unaware of for wanting to include the woman to the extent that she has.

DEAR ABBY: We need help with our dad. Many of his grandchildren participate in sports. For some reason, he thinks it's perfectly fine to sit in the stands surrounded by people he doesn't know and loudly criticize the other players.

We talk to him before the games. We remind him that he's sitting by these players' parents and what he's doing is not cool. Some of the parents become quite emotional if things don't go well and Dad doesn't need to be doing this. Yet he continues.

Have you any ideas on getting Grandpa to keep his opinions to himself? We don't want to ban him from games and treat him like a 5-year-old who can't behave, since he is still able to travel to see us for these visits. We try to sit away from others, but it's not always possible. -- EMBARRASSED IN HOUSTON

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You already know the answer to your problem, and I do not understand why you haven't taken action. Was your father always this way, or has he become demented? When an adult acts like a 5-year-old and behaves inappropriately after having been cautioned against it, there is cause for concern.

If he is unable to control his behavior at those games, instead of being allowed to ruin them for everyone within earshot, he should absolutely be banned from attending. If you won't do it for the sake of the players and other parents, then do it for your father's safety because one of these days, an irate parent or relative may punch his lights out.

DEAR ABBY: My niece was married by a justice of the peace in October. She and her husband are having a church wedding this summer. What would be the proper date to recognize on a gift? -- DONNA IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DONNA: If you are having the wedding gift engraved, you should ask your niece which date she and her husband would prefer.