life

If Grandparents Aren't Online, Find Another Way to Connect

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 9th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My son "Travis," age 9, is computer savvy, but his "Luddite" grandparents (my in-laws) live far away from us and don't even have internet access. They are no longer able to travel, and our finances prohibit frequent visits to them.

Travis could be Skyping them, and they could have a vital relationship through the miracle of modern technology. Instead, he will take their phone calls only occasionally, and enjoys the annual visit with them -- but mainly because of the other relatives there.

If these were my parents (who are sadly long gone), I'd set them up on Skype and have them at least try. When his grandparents are no longer able to live on their own and move to assisted living, will that offer at least a hope of virtual connectivity? -- MODERN MAN IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR MODERN MAN: By age 9, if your son isn't interested in talking to his grandparents, and his grandparents make no effort to reach out, do not expect it to happen when he's older and they go into assisted living.

Travis should be compelled to talk to his grandparents more often. If people want to connect, they usually somehow manage to do it through letters, phones, computers, etc. Over the last 20 years, many seniors have learned about computers and manage them quite well. If your in-laws have a smartphone, they could talk to your son on video chat.

Family & Parenting
life

Piano Student May Be Ready to Try a New Tune

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 9th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been playing the piano for five years and I still enjoy it. But over the past year and a half, going for lessons every week and having to practice is getting old for me. In fact, I'm beginning to loathe it. It's not the teacher, it's not my parents -- it's me. I'm just over all of the weekly lessons and having to REMEMBER to practice. My heart isn't in it anymore. What do you think I should do? -- RYAN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RYAN: You should talk to your teacher about it. After five years of weekly lessons and diligent practice, you should have a pretty solid musical education by now. You may need to take a break, change teachers or even change instruments. Your teacher may have a broader perspective on this than you do, so take your guidance from the pro.

Work & School
life

Unanswered Invitation Sends a Clear Message

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 9th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently invited an acquaintance to be my guest at a play I'm directing and to the cast party afterward. I like this man, and he's done me a number of favors, so the invitation was a sort of thank-you. I haven't heard one way or the other from the invitee. I don't want to push and make the person uncomfortable, but I'd like to know whether he's coming or not. Should I follow up with him or let it go? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: By not responding to your invitation, the man is letting you know that it's not high on his list of priorities. Personally, I think you should let it go. And if he asks about the play just before it opens, tell him that you made other plans because you thought he wasn't interested. Because you like him, say it nicely. But to leave you hanging is rude.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Frustrated Husband Seeks Solution for His Jealousy

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 8th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 11 years, but together for 15. We've had our ups and downs as normal couples do, but lately it seems like everything she does, I try and find something to nitpick and argue over. In fact, I kind of enjoy it.

There was a recent misunderstanding that led to an awakening of a jealous side to me that I never had, and now I can't seem to turn it off. When she goes to her chiropractor appointment, I call to make sure she has the appointment for the time she told me. She spent time visiting her dad and aunt, and even that made me jealous. I feel like if I keep this up, I may lose her.

We had a baby five months ago, and he's very needy, much more than our older child was, so that's also putting a strain on our relationship. What can I do to be a better husband and not get angry at her for the dumbest and smallest things? -- FRUSTRATED HUSBAND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You say this new behavior started because of a "recent misunderstanding." I wish you had mentioned what it was, because it would have been helpful to know. Did the misunderstanding make you feel insecure, or just angry and punitive? Or is the fact that your wife needs to share her time caring for the new baby what's bothering you?

If you haven't already talked this through with your wife, you should. The arrival of a new baby can result in not only the arrival of a bundle of joy, but also bring with it postpartum depression, fatigue, physical aches and pains and lack of physical desire.

If these are what's setting you off, you should both discuss what's happening with her doctor. If that's not the cause, some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist may help you find the answer you're looking for.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Teen's Tendency to Be a Loner Causes Concern for Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 8th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old son has always been very shy. I don't think it helps that he's now 6 feet 6 inches tall and obviously stands out. Recently at a sports event which his team won, there were celebrations that were caught on video, and I could see him milling around outside of the "celebratory circle" of his teammates. It seemed very sad that he didn't feel comfortable enough to jump into the huddle. When he was asked to join his teammates for lunch, he said he wasn't hungry.

He has known many of the kids on his team for more than six years and has hung out and been on sleepovers with some of them on many occasions, so it's not like they are strangers. My husband thinks we should just let him find his own way in life. I desperately want to talk to him and see if I can't get him to be more sociable, but I'm not sure how to achieve this. What would you suggest, Abby? Leave him alone or intervene, and if so, how? -- MOTHER OF A SHY GUY

DEAR MOTHER: I would suggest a little of both. Because you are concerned that your son is isolating himself, talk to him about it and try to find out why. However, you should not push him into doing anything he's not comfortable with. And if he appears to be happy with his life, let him live it and, as your husband says, find his own way.

TeensFamily & Parenting
life

Man Trying to Find Himself May Be Lost Cause for Dating

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I was married for more than 20 years. My ex and I divorced five years ago. During that time I stayed busy focusing on my children and their needs.

About seven months ago I met a nice guy. We saw each other for about five months, then out of nowhere, he broke things off. I was devastated. He said his reason for the breakup was "he needed time to find himself." He was recently divorced and has sole custody of his kids. He has been under a great deal of stress and started seeing a therapist a couple of months ago.

I understand why he needs this time, but I also wish he would let me help. He said he wants to remain friends. I avoided contact with him for several weeks, but now I am drawn back to him. My friends keep telling me to forget him, but I can't get him off my mind. We talk almost daily and have even gotten together again a couple of times. I keep telling myself all the reasons it won't work. Should I run away, stay friends only, or hope to work things out? -- HOPELESS ROMANTIC IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HOPELESS ROMANTIC: When a man says he "needs time to find himself" and breaks things off, it usually means he's no longer interested or ready for the kind of relationship you're looking for.

This man is newly divorced and parenting solo, so he has as much on his plate as he can handle right now. That he's seeing a therapist is a wise move, so give him credit for that. But the kind of problems he is trying to work through are not ones you can "help" him with. At a later date things may work out, but clearly not now. A friendship may be possible, but only if you are strong enough to disengage emotionally until he is ready -- which could take a very long time.

Love & DatingMarriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Presents Opened at Children's Parties Add to the Fun

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have noticed a trend at children's birthday parties. The children aren't opening their presents at the party. Instead, the parents collect the gifts and take them home for the child to open later. To me, this seems rude and inconsiderate to the children who are attending the party. Part of the enjoyment of giving a gift is seeing the recipient's response. Please let me know the rule of etiquette in this matter. Am I correct in thinking that presents should be opened at children's birthday parties in front of their guests? -- GIFT ETIQUETTE

DEAR G.E.: No rule of etiquette decrees that gifts "must" be opened at the birthday party. Because this trend bothers you, ask the parent of the birthday child why she or he has chosen to have the gifts opened afterward, because there may be more than one reason for it. One that occurs to me might be that it's a way of preventing embarrassment on the part of children who might not be able to afford a gift as expensive as some of the other children's.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & Ethics

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Piccolina
  • Two Degrees
  • Lulu
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Overseas Solo Travel Plans Worry Parents
  • LW Questions Correcting Friend's Malaprops
  • Stress of Caregiving Causes Concern for Daughters
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal