life

Man's 'I Love You' Texts Disappear After Wedding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 2nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently married a man with kids. I have kids as well. Combining two families is hard, but we're figuring it out.

When we were dating, he would text me during the day to tell me he loved me. Now that we're married, I never hear from him during the day. I have told him numerous times that I enjoyed those texts and how much they brightened my day. He always promises to do better, but doesn't. I tried texting him instead and only got emojis in return.

I came to the conclusion that that's just how he is, and I love him enough to overlook it. Well, last night I needed to use his phone because my battery was dead. When I texted his daughter to pick up something on the way home, I saw that he texts her every day telling her he loves her.

I'm afraid to say anything because I don't want him to think I was snooping or that I'm jealous of his kids, but it really hurt my feelings. I've been hurt in the past, so he knows I'm somewhat insecure.

Should this bother me? My best friend says I may be depressed. Does it sound like it? We both have custody of all of our kids, so it's not like he doesn't see them every day. Their mom is in their lives -- they just prefer not to stay at her house and only hang out with her some. -- TEXTING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TEXTING: Whether or not this "should" bother you isn't the point. It does bother you. You have expressed to your husband what you need, and he has chosen to ignore it. It's almost as if, now that you two are married, he feels he has "closed the sale" and doesn't need to put forth more effort.

I don't know whether your friend is right in her estimation that you are depressed. But if you are, I can understand why. Rather than brood, tell your husband you needed to use his phone because yours wasn't working, and how what you saw made you feel. It's great that he loves his daughter, but he should also be communicating the same to you.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

'Wise Woman's' Advice Is Tearing at Troubled Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 2nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Nancy," and I are working on fixing our marital problems. She confides in an "older wise woman" at church who has been telling Nancy she's a lousy Christian because she stayed married to me.

How can I defend my wife from this defamation of character that makes her feel weak? I told Nancy to avoid her. I have told the older wise woman to leave us alone. Nothing has worked. -- FRUSTRATED IN THE PEW

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your wife needs a better role model. Point out to her that Christians should not judge and insult others. Allow me to offer a suggestion that may make your wife feel instantly better: Change pews.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Thank You Is in Order After Hints Reveal Source of Anonymous Benefactor

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 2nd, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When someone anonymously pays your tab in a restaurant, and the staff drops enough hints to reveal the identity of this person, what's the protocol for the recipient? Should I have walked over and thanked that person? My day was definitely made brighter by this kind gesture. I will certainly try to do something similar when I can. -- SURPRISED IN COTTONWOOD, ARIZ.

DEAR SURPRISED: The protocol is the same as with any other gift. A show of appreciation is always welcome, and it would not have been a breach of etiquette to offer one.

MoneyEtiquette & Ethics
life

Foolishness Is Not Limited to a Single Calendar Day

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 1st, 2017

DEAR READERS: Once again, I can't let April Fools' Day pass without printing a few of the more "interesting" letters that have crossed my desk during the past year:

DEAR ABBY: I own a champion Airedale terrier I have been trying to breed for more than a year. Finding her the right match has proven difficult. But recently, we found a perfect match. Their genetics are superb, and they seem to like each other.

The male's owner and I took the two dogs on a dog run last month and, except for a bit of mud, it was a perfect afternoon. There have been other afternoons and evenings.

The problem is the male's owner. She will only allow her dog to breed mine if she and I also "breed." She claims it is the only true way to know if our canines are a perfect match.

I'm not a prude, but since my divorce, I haven't dated much. The woman is attractive, and I'm lonely, but her proposition felt odd to me. And if the breeding is a regular thing, would that be good for the dogs? What should I do? -- OVERWHELMED IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Keep your romances and those of your pooch separate unless you're willing to risk your love life going to the dogs.

DEAR ABBY: I wanted to show my elderly co-worker some photos I had taken of the countryside. Without thinking, I handed her my phone so she could browse through them while I went to get coffee. When I returned, my phone was on my desk and she was nowhere to be found.

Only then did I realize she must have seen the many nude pictures of me and my husband. (We like to send each other naughty selfies.) What's more, the photos are clown-themed -- rainbow wigs, red noses, makeup, etc.

My co-worker has never said anything, but now I sense she's avoiding me. Should I pull her aside and see if she wants to talk about anything? Pretend it never happened? Casually mention "the circus" and see if she gives a reaction? -- NAUGHTY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NAUGHTY: The less said the better. This mess was caused by your "greatest show on earth" of bad judgment. You have only your selfie to blame for the uncomfortable silence happening in your office.

DEAR ABBY: Would sex with a robot be considered infidelity? -- WONDERING IN WESTWORLD

DEAR WONDERING: It's not infidelity unless the robot belongs to somebody else -- or you do.

DEAR ABBY: I love my girlfriend so much. I'm trying to think of a unique romantic gesture to show her what she means to me.

Would it be acceptable to have a carnivorous plant delivered to her office? Although I've considered traditional ones, I think the carrion flower is my pick. It's huge, pink and smells like rotting flesh. I think it's the perfect way to express my love. What do you think? -- OFFBEAT IN ST. PETE

DEAR OFFBEAT: I think your idea stinks worse than the flower. Happy April Fools' Day to you and to all my readers! -- LOVE, ABBY

Work & SchoolSex & GenderHolidays & Celebrations
life

Teen Would Rather Text Than Talk to Her Crush at School

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 31st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: There is a boy I like at school. He is a very well-known person around school. I'm not. I do have a wide variety of friends, and I even talk to some of his.

My friends know I like him, and they would like for me to talk to him. I wouldn't mind that, but what would I say? They want it to happen in person, but I want to do it by text, where I feel more me. What should I do? -- TENNESSEE TEEN

DEAR TEEN: Listen to your friends and approach him in person. A smile and a hello should break the ice. Then follow it up with a question about some activity that's happening at school.

Work & SchoolTeensLove & Dating
life

Grocery Store Samples Are Meant to Be Given, Not Taken

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 31st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Could you please address the etiquette of tasting samples at stores, events, food shows, etc.? People walk up and try to grab a sample with dirty, bleeding, scabby hands not realizing that other people will also be sampling that food.

Samples are supposed to be given to each person. And when that happens, the food handler should be wearing clean gloves and be the only person touching the food.

Please let people know that once someone without gloves touches this food, the demonstrator must discard it for health reasons. Also, samples cannot be given to children without their parents' permission, and any food allergies must be addressed before someone asks for a sample. -- MARY IN FLORIDA

DEAR MARY: Your suggestions are not only good manners, they also make common sense. I hope that readers who don't know better will learn from your letter for the sake of everyone's health.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Help Is Available for Low-Income Students Applying to College

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 31st, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: "Enough to Share" (Dec. 5) was interested in supporting her daughter's friends through the college application process. "Enough" could mention to the family that SAT and ACT fee waivers should be available through the school counseling department if the twins are considered low-income.

Students should also know about government assistance programs, such as the Pell Grant, which can give additional money toward tuition for any low-income student. They can get more information through their schools when they fill out their FAFSA forms. -- TITLE I TEACHER

DEAR TEACHER: Thank you for the pertinent information. Read on for some instructive input from another reader:

DEAR ABBY: Many schools have "Helping Hands" funds available for this purpose and would allow the family to donate to these specific girls anonymously, if need be. As an educator, I encourage everyone to reach out to a local school to offer help to struggling high school students. If they are in a position to do so, they should ask if they can sponsor a student in the college application process or sign up to mentor. -- A LITTLE GOES A LONG WAY

MoneyWork & School

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