DEAR ABBY: I'm a 57-year-old lady. I have been a widow 23 years and chose not to date while raising my daughter, who is now 26. I would now like to meet a nice man to spend time with, but I suffer from an affliction many older women deal with -- alopecia. My hair is very thin, but with wigs and makeup, I look attractive enough.

I'm afraid I'm being deceptive when I meet a man like that. When is the right time to tell a man what he sees is not what he gets? -- EMBARRASSED IN OHIO

DEAR EMBARRASSED: The logical time to tell someone would be at the point you are becoming intimate enough that he would be running his hands through your hair.

DEAR ABBY: My mother married my father in 1960 when she was barely 16. She was the mother of two children before age 18. My father was older, controlling, abusive and unkind to her.

She wrote to your mother for advice in the 1960s, saying he still carried a photo of his old girlfriend in his wallet and how much it hurt her. Your mother's advice to her was to "grow up." In light of how the times have changed, I am wondering what your advice to her would be in 2017? Both parents are now deceased. -- CURIOUS DAUGHTER

DEAR CURIOUS: Although there were fewer options available for women in 1960 than there are today, I'm shocked that your mom received the advice she did over my mother's signature. My response today would be to ask her why she had chosen to stay with a controlling, emotionally abusive man who persisted in carrying around a photo of his ex-girlfriend in spite of the fact that he knew it hurt his wife. And then I'd suggest she ask herself whether she thought the three of you were better off with him or without him.

DEAR ABBY: I don't like people. I live alone and hardly leave my apartment. I have one friend I talk to on the phone every day, and sometimes my siblings who live out of town, but not often. The core of my issue may be my secret. I am gay and a foreigner.

I like to surf the net, read historical books, and enjoy classic literature novels. For some reason, I feel like hiding myself away from people is making me miss out. Am I abnormal? Do I need a therapist? I have internal peace in my life and I think I'm happy. -- INTELLECTUAL LONER

DEAR INTELLECTUAL LONER: Your status as a gay, foreign loner who is hiding himself away must be troubling you on some level or you wouldn't have written to me. If you feel you could be getting more out of life than you currently are, then it would be worth your while to schedule some sessions with a licensed mental health professional and do some exploring.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH FRIENDS:

May you always have

A sunbeam to warm you

Good luck to charm you

And a sheltering angel

So nothing can harm you.

Laughter to cheer you

Faithful friends near you

And whenever you pray,

Heaven to hear you.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

DEAR ABBY: I have an issue with my father and don't know where to turn. Dad is in his early 80s and -- aside from poor eyesight -- he's in good health. I'm concerned because he has developed an unusual habit. He likes to look through the dumpsters behind the grocery store.

Initially he told me it was to get old produce for compost in his garden. But I have learned that he eats some of the things he finds. I have tried telling him this is dangerous. He could cut himself digging through the trash or get food poisoning. He refuses to listen and insists that what he is doing is safe. (He is not forced to do this out of economic necessity. He has enough money to buy groceries.)

The situation has become critical because he is now planning to cook something he found in the dumpster for a family gathering. I told him not to do it. If he does prepare food from the trash, I told him he must let people know where it came from, so they can make an informed decision about whether to eat it. Abby, please help. -- GROSSED OUT

DEAR GROSSED OUT: If you can't convince your father to disclose to relatives that the food he's serving may have come from a dumpster, you should alert them to that possibility.

P.S. A worldwide trend I heard about recently is something called "freeganism." (The term is derived from a cross between "free" and "vegan.") Freegans "rescue" food from behind markets to share among themselves to combat food waste, and in Paris, France, there's even a restaurant that serves food procured this way for a reduced fee.

Caveat emptor: People who consume this food should be aware that the food may be past its nutritional peak, and they may risk a food-borne illness if it wasn't stored properly.

DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old daughter has several friends whom we love and who are good buddies for her. However, the rules in their homes are different from those at ours. One friend in particular, "Sarah," eats a lot of junk food and watches more TV than we allow. When my daughter asks why she can't have chips and ice cream after school, or why we watch movies only on weekends, I remind her that good food and exercise make her healthy, and with less TV she does better in school.

I'm not interested in critiquing Sarah or her family, who are lovely people we really like. However, I do want to make the connection between unhealthy lifestyle choices and possible consequences because this is a subject we'll keep revisiting as my daughter grows up.

I have been trying to say things like, "Everyone makes their own decisions. This is why we do it this way," but at 9, my daughter sees things as pretty black or white. If our way is right, then their way must be wrong. I'm totally failing at subtlety. Is there a better approach that I could take to talking about this without invoking comparisons? -- LIFESTYLE CHOICES IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR LIFESTYLE CHOICES: Do not attempt to debate this with your 9-year-old. If your daughter argues with you about your parenting style, tell her that different families have different standards and that you are doing what you think is right for yours. Period. If she needs more of an explanation, then fall back on the message you have been sending her, and in time she will understand.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife just gave us the news that they are expecting their first child. They have waited five years for this wonderful milestone, and I am delighted. I know they will be excellent parents.

I remember seeing a short poem in your column called "Success." Could you reprint it? I'd like to clip it and give it to the parents-to-be. -- MARIE IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR MARIE: I'm glad to oblige, and I hope your son and daughter-in-law will enjoy it. It was penned by Martin Buxbaum, a noted poet from Maryland who passed away in 1991. It's included in my "Keepers" booklet, which is a collection of often-requested gems that have appeared in this column. Because so many readers asked for copies of them, they were turned into a booklet. Read on:

SUCCESS

You can use any measure

When you're speaking of success.

You can measure it in fancy home,

Expensive car or dress.

But the measure of your real success

Is the one you cannot spend.

It's the way your kids describe you

When they're talking to a friend.

"Keepers" covers subjects ranging from temptation to forgiveness, animals, children and human nature. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 in U.S. funds to: Dear Abby Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Filled with down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, both witty and philosophical, "Keepers" is a quick and easy read, and an inexpensive, welcome gift for newly married couples, pet lovers, new parents or anyone recovering from an illness.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants to be with other women. He has spent the last 12 years asking for a threesome. I love him and don't want to share him with the world, but he doesn't love me the same.

We have been together more than 29 years. He says he just wants to have fun. Since I'm not interested in swinging with him and others, should I just get a divorce? I believe he won't be complete until he gets to enjoy his life the way he wants, and I'm tired of having my feelings hurt each time he meets someone he wants to be with.

I'm a 51-year-old woman who is still very sexually active, yet I am not enough for him. I have tried everything. I'm tired. Dear Abby, please help. -- DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE HIM

DEAR DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE HIM: Because your husband wants an open marriage and you don't, it appears the two of you have reached an impasse. Your husband craves the one thing no one woman can give him -- variety. It has nothing to do with your not being "enough." For this reason you should consult an attorney about your options. I am truly sorry for your pain.