DEAR ABBY: I have an issue with my father and don't know where to turn. Dad is in his early 80s and -- aside from poor eyesight -- he's in good health. I'm concerned because he has developed an unusual habit. He likes to look through the dumpsters behind the grocery store.

Initially he told me it was to get old produce for compost in his garden. But I have learned that he eats some of the things he finds. I have tried telling him this is dangerous. He could cut himself digging through the trash or get food poisoning. He refuses to listen and insists that what he is doing is safe. (He is not forced to do this out of economic necessity. He has enough money to buy groceries.)

The situation has become critical because he is now planning to cook something he found in the dumpster for a family gathering. I told him not to do it. If he does prepare food from the trash, I told him he must let people know where it came from, so they can make an informed decision about whether to eat it. Abby, please help. -- GROSSED OUT

DEAR GROSSED OUT: If you can't convince your father to disclose to relatives that the food he's serving may have come from a dumpster, you should alert them to that possibility.

P.S. A worldwide trend I heard about recently is something called "freeganism." (The term is derived from a cross between "free" and "vegan.") Freegans "rescue" food from behind markets to share among themselves to combat food waste, and in Paris, France, there's even a restaurant that serves food procured this way for a reduced fee.

Caveat emptor: People who consume this food should be aware that the food may be past its nutritional peak, and they may risk a food-borne illness if it wasn't stored properly.

DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old daughter has several friends whom we love and who are good buddies for her. However, the rules in their homes are different from those at ours. One friend in particular, "Sarah," eats a lot of junk food and watches more TV than we allow. When my daughter asks why she can't have chips and ice cream after school, or why we watch movies only on weekends, I remind her that good food and exercise make her healthy, and with less TV she does better in school.

I'm not interested in critiquing Sarah or her family, who are lovely people we really like. However, I do want to make the connection between unhealthy lifestyle choices and possible consequences because this is a subject we'll keep revisiting as my daughter grows up.

I have been trying to say things like, "Everyone makes their own decisions. This is why we do it this way," but at 9, my daughter sees things as pretty black or white. If our way is right, then their way must be wrong. I'm totally failing at subtlety. Is there a better approach that I could take to talking about this without invoking comparisons? -- LIFESTYLE CHOICES IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR LIFESTYLE CHOICES: Do not attempt to debate this with your 9-year-old. If your daughter argues with you about your parenting style, tell her that different families have different standards and that you are doing what you think is right for yours. Period. If she needs more of an explanation, then fall back on the message you have been sending her, and in time she will understand.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife just gave us the news that they are expecting their first child. They have waited five years for this wonderful milestone, and I am delighted. I know they will be excellent parents.

I remember seeing a short poem in your column called "Success." Could you reprint it? I'd like to clip it and give it to the parents-to-be. -- MARIE IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR MARIE: I'm glad to oblige, and I hope your son and daughter-in-law will enjoy it. It was penned by Martin Buxbaum, a noted poet from Maryland who passed away in 1991. It's included in my "Keepers" booklet, which is a collection of often-requested gems that have appeared in this column. Because so many readers asked for copies of them, they were turned into a booklet. Read on:

SUCCESS

You can use any measure

When you're speaking of success.

You can measure it in fancy home,

Expensive car or dress.

But the measure of your real success

Is the one you cannot spend.

It's the way your kids describe you

When they're talking to a friend.

"Keepers" covers subjects ranging from temptation to forgiveness, animals, children and human nature. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 in U.S. funds to: Dear Abby Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Filled with down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, both witty and philosophical, "Keepers" is a quick and easy read, and an inexpensive, welcome gift for newly married couples, pet lovers, new parents or anyone recovering from an illness.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants to be with other women. He has spent the last 12 years asking for a threesome. I love him and don't want to share him with the world, but he doesn't love me the same.

We have been together more than 29 years. He says he just wants to have fun. Since I'm not interested in swinging with him and others, should I just get a divorce? I believe he won't be complete until he gets to enjoy his life the way he wants, and I'm tired of having my feelings hurt each time he meets someone he wants to be with.

I'm a 51-year-old woman who is still very sexually active, yet I am not enough for him. I have tried everything. I'm tired. Dear Abby, please help. -- DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE HIM

DEAR DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE HIM: Because your husband wants an open marriage and you don't, it appears the two of you have reached an impasse. Your husband craves the one thing no one woman can give him -- variety. It has nothing to do with your not being "enough." For this reason you should consult an attorney about your options. I am truly sorry for your pain.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl, and I'm struggling with abuse. I'm mentally and physically abused by my family constantly, yet they make me out to be the abusive one. I could do amazing on a test, and they yell at me for something that happened on the last one. They're always pushing me so hard to do better that it's making me do worse.

How can I make my family see that I'm not them, and I can do good if they just give me the chance to learn from my mistakes? -- STRUGGLING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STRUGGLING: Parents always want their children to perform to their level of capacity. Because you say you are being abused physically and emotionally for your inability to live up to your family's expectations, discuss what's going on with a counselor at your school. It's possible there needs to be an intervention by someone they will listen to. Please don't wait to do it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of three years has visits with his son every Tuesday and Thursday evening. My mother-in-law picks up her grandson, takes him to her home and makes dinner for the three of them. I work 10-hour days Monday through Friday and am not able to attend these dinners.

My question is, isn't it proper etiquette that my mother-in-law should send a plate of food home for me with my husband? She never has, and I think this is rude and inconsiderate of her. What is your opinion? -- HUNGRY IN EL PASO

DEAR HUNGRY: Although brief, your letter speaks volumes about your relationship with your mother-in-law, which appears could be better. No rule of etiquette dictates that she is obligated to send a plate of her food home with her son for you. Perhaps if your relationship with her was warmer, or your husband was thoughtful enough to suggest it, she would. However, since you asked, my opinion is that rather than complain, you should pick up some take-out on your way home from work.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old college student on the verge of graduating this May. I've been dating my boyfriend for more than five years, and I am extremely close with his family, especially his sister "Claudia" and her three children (ages 6, 3 and 6 months).

My parents are throwing me a graduation party at their home, and they don't want any guests under the age of 10. How do I tell Claudia -- a dear friend -- that her children won't be invited without upsetting her? (I have small cousins who won't be attending either.)

It truly is nothing personal, but I know she will probably take it personally. I don't want to cause drama, but I do want to honor my parents' wishes that no small children be present. How do I tell her? Help! -- SOON-TO-BE GRADUATE

DEAR SOON-TO-BE GRADUATE: You are not hosting the party; your parents are. As the hosts, it is their privilege to decide whom to invite -- or not. When Claudia is invited, your parents should explain that they prefer children under the age of 10 not be present, and soften it if necessary by explaining there are small nieces and nephews who will not be attending as well.