life

Gab Session With Gal Pal Leaves Wife Feeling Hurt

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 8th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I read your column all the time. My husband and I have been married for 35 years. My husband has good friends who are women, and I have never objected when he stayed with them when he traveled from our home to Michigan.

One of the women he stays with called and they talked for hours. That's not right is it? My husband says she's just a good friend and it's only conversation.

Like I said, I didn't mind him staying with her because I trusted him. But now I'm leery and suspicious. I don't believe it's a sexual thing, but a long conversation hurts me more because I thought I was his best friend.

I told him, "Let's get counseling. If it doesn't work, we can divorce." He said, "You're not going to stop me from talking to my friends."

Abby, I need your opinion. -- LEERY IN FLORIDA

DEAR LEERY: Whatever is going on, you and your husband are having a communication problem. Instead of raising the subject of divorce with him, it may be time for you to get marriage counseling, alone if he won't go with you.

Your husband should be able to talk to his friends -- male and female -- if he wishes. For you to tell him otherwise makes you look more like his jailer than his wife. Some mediation may help you feel less threatened and help you both to get back on the same page.

Marriage & DivorceFriends & Neighbors
life

Family Raises Doubts About Woman's Plan to Adopt

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 8th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old female who hasn't been able to conceive. My sister has two children and one on the way. I love being an aunt, but I do want to be a mom myself. I'm recently divorced and have a nice home, a dependable vehicle and a job that I love. The only thing missing in my life is a child.

I have the opportunity to adopt a newborn baby from a family who is unable to care for her. She will be born in the next few months. When I speak to my friends and family about it, even though they would love for me to have a child, they say they don't think this is the right path for me. Although I want a child and always have, I'm now having concerns about it, too. Any advice you could share would be greatly appreciated. -- MOTHERLY INSTINCT IN GEORGIA

DEAR INSTINCT: I wish you had been clearer about why your family doesn't feel that adopting the baby would be the right path for you. However, since you weren't, let me offer this:

Many single parents -- whether single because of divorce, widowhood or by choice -- successfully raise children. At 39, with a home and a good job, you appear to be financially secure enough to provide for a child. Unless you have an emotional problem you didn't mention, or lack the patience to be a good mother, I see no reason why you shouldn't become one. However, because your friends and family have created doubt, discuss this with a counselor to clarify your thinking.

Family & Parenting
life

How to Deliver Bad News That an Invitation Will Not Be in the Mail

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 8th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What should I say to someone who expects an invitation to a wedding but will not be receiving one and they ask why they didn't get one? -- WHERE'S MY INVITATION?

DEAR WHERE'S: If someone is nervy enough to ask why he or she was not invited to the wedding, all you have to say is that for logistical reasons you had to limit your guest list.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Face-to-Face Meeting Threatens to Nip New Romance in the Bud

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 7th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently enrolled in an internet dating site, and have been cyber-chatting with a very sweet gentleman. I am also 62 years young. My problem is I'm borderline obese, have gray hair, a few wrinkles and some dental problems. It's the reason I don't post photos of myself.

Someday, he may want to meet face-to-face, and I am more petrified than 2,000-year-old wood! He sounds and speaks so well -- soft and gentle. My heart has butterfly-wing feelings, not the head-over-heels emotions I had when I first met my late husband. Should I keep texting this gentleman, or just fade away from him? -- IS BEAUTY MORE THAN SKIN DEEP?

DEAR SKIN DEEP: Keep texting him, of course! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That said, if your weight and dental problems are affecting your self-esteem, perhaps it's time you dealt with them rather than use them as an excuse to cut and run.

Love & Dating
life

Woman Has Second Thoughts About Turning Away Old Flame

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 7th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for the last year and a half. He is good to me and good to my 11-year-old daughter.

Recently, a man I have known for 40 years -- but have been in and out of touch with -- appeared back in my life. He was my first kiss at 6, and there were many unresolved feelings that I felt needed exploring. My daughter caught on and told me if I gave up my current relationship she would never forgive me, so I ended the relationship with my old friend, which left him with bitter feelings. Did I do the right thing? -- BITTER FEELINGS

DEAR BITTER: Because you felt it was appropriate to allow an 11-year-old to dictate your future, then yes, I suppose you did the right thing. In any case, it's a little late to second guess yourself now.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Friend Doesn't Savor Trip to Europe With Woman Who Burps in Public

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 7th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: This year I have the opportunity to travel to Europe with some friends. One of them, however, has the tendency to burp loudly when we are in public. She often does it at restaurants or other sit-down areas. I have tried telling her it's rude and disrespectful, but she doesn't care.

I don't want to go to Europe and have her burping in front of other people. I don't want to be labeled as a disrespectful tourist because of her. Is there anything I can say to her? Or is this a problem that I shouldn't get involved with? -- EMBARRASSED FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: Could your friend have a medical problem that causes her to burp? If so, that may be why it happens and you shouldn't criticize her for it. However, if that's not the case, because her behavior causes you embarrassment, either rethink traveling with her or make sure you sit far away from her in public places.

Friends & NeighborsHealth & Safety
life

Dog Is Still Bone of Contention Years After Couple Breaks Up

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My ex-boyfriend and I broke up two years ago. We were together for nearly three years. A year into our relationship, we rescued a puppy. We broke up when she was 2. Since then, we have shared her on and off. This arrangement worked fine because we have both been single.

I am now in a new relationship and feel that my ex and I should cut ties. We recently had a falling out, but he still wants to share the dog "until she is no longer in the picture."

Abby, I don't feel that it's feasible for us to continue sharing our dog for the next 12 to 15 years. My ex has post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and I know she helps him. However, I feel like I can provide a better home for her and give her more attention. How do we decide who gets to keep the dog? -- STILL IN THE PICTURE

DEAR STILL IN THE PICTURE: You have a new boyfriend. Your ex has PTSD and needs her more than you do. Unless the animal was somehow mistreated when she was with him, let him have her.

Love & DatingMental Health
life

Receptionist Struggles to Overcome Language Barrier With Grace

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I work as a medical receptionist for a busy private practice. We get a lot of patients from other countries, and English is not their primary language. Speaking to these patients over the phone is often very difficult. How can I ask nicely for patients to constantly repeat themselves? I need to make sure I have the correct information so the doctor can treat the patient properly. -- RECEPTIONIST IN MARYLAND

DEAR RECEPTIONIST: Ask your employer how he or she wants those calls handled. There is no crime in repeating and re-repeating important information to be sure it is right. If the patient has a family member who accompanies him/her to appointments, perhaps it can be arranged that that person call the doctor's office to convey any necessary information.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Designer Purse Becomes a Burden to Wife Embarrassed to Wear It

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: For my birthday my husband bought me an expensive designer purse. It was a dream come true to own this purse and I love it. My problem is it's so expensive that I'm embarrassed to wear it around in public. I don't want to look like a show-off. I don't know why I care, and probably most people don't care about what kind of purse I'm carrying. Why can't I enjoy the gift from my husband? -- SECRET IN THE CLOSET

DEAR SECRET: Not everyone is comfortable displaying the fact they have the kind of disposable income that affords them the ability to buy luxury goods. There are multiple reasons for this. Some women don't want the attention, others feel guilty that they have the money while their friends do not, some are afraid that if they "flash" it will excite jealousy, and others fear for their safety.

MoneyEtiquette & Ethics

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