DEAR ABBY: I have a friend in her mid-40s who has naturally dark hair she keeps cut short. It looked fine.

A few months ago, she bleached her hair platinum blond. She said she was going for a look that will include dark roots, but she has kept the roots platinum, so now her hair just looks white -- especially in pictures. She posted photos of herself with her boyfriend on Facebook, and while I was scrolling down, my initial reaction was, "Who is that elderly woman he's sitting with?"

A mutual friend commented to me how bad my friend's hair looks and how aging it is. Should I mention to her that her hair color makes her look 20 years older? Telling someone her hair doesn't look good can be hurtful, but if it were me, I'd want to know. -- HELPFUL IN HAWAII

DEAR HELPFUL: Be diplomatic, but tell her. A tactful way to lead in would be to say you saw the pictures she posted on Facebook and the platinum hair makes her look "older." However, unless she asks how much older, don't volunteer, because if you say it's two decades, she may take offense.

DEAR ABBY: What is the rule for tipping in drive-thrus? I never thought a tip was necessary in places like that. If the service is good, a tip is warranted. Now many drive-thrus have a tip jar out on the ledge of the window.

It's like everyone seems to think they deserve one. A tip is expected when you get your vehicle inspected, your tires changed, your oil changed, manicures and hairstyling, among other things. How much is appropriate to tip for services? I certainly don't want to devalue someone's service if times have changed and this is commonplace. -- DRIVE-THRU TIPPING

DEAR DRIVE-THRU: For restaurant servers, hairstylists and manicurists, a 15 to 20 percent tip is expected. The same is true for taxi drivers, hotel personnel and skycaps. In other situations, a tip may be offered when the service performed has been exceptional.

If the service you received at the drive-thru was prompt, your order was correct and the person at the window was pleasant and helpful, either give the workers a couple of dollars or the loose change that's returned to you. However, a tip is not required.

DEAR ABBY: A woman friend of mine is angry at me because I have started dating a mutual friend of ours. She says when someone wants to date someone's friend, the polite thing to do is ask how the friend feels about it. Mind you, the man I'm going out with isn't her ex and was as good a friend to me as he was to her. If I had discussed the matter with her, what difference would it have made? She doesn't own him. Does her logic make sense to you? -- FREE AGENT IN TEXAS

DEAR FREE AGENT: No. Your "friend" has no prior claim on the man you're dating. That she would try to insert herself into your romantic life makes no sense, and you would be foolish to allow it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old female and I can't find a job. My mom is cheating on my stepdad. I feel like I have to be as independent as possible right now, otherwise I won't be able to do things.

I need to raise money for a camera. Photography is my passion. It's all I want in life. It's the only thing I'll ever love, besides my grandma, who is 72 with dementia.

Please help. I'm in a very big pickle. Is there any point to living? How do I get a job at 13? How do I confront my mother? Why can't my grandma be cured? Why is my life the worst thing about me? Please help me. -- ANONYMOUS TEEN IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR TEEN: You're very young and it's clear you are experiencing a lot of turmoil. But right now, you already have a job, and it's to concentrate on your studies. The better your grades are, the stronger your chances will be of completing your education and becoming an independent adult. Good grades will better your chances of qualifying for financial aid to accomplish that goal.

What may seem overwhelming right now -- including your sadness about your grandmother's illness -- can be overcome by staying physically active. I'm sorry you're experiencing all this at such a tender age, but it would be good for both of you if you give her as much love, patience and understanding as you can. Although there may be no cure for her illness right now, the worldwide scientific community is searching for an answer.

If you have the courage, talk to your mother privately about your concerns because you may be mistaken about her cheating. It would be healthier than bottling up your feelings as you have been doing.

P.S. For extra money, consider dog-walking, baby-sitting and odd jobs such as doing yard work for neighbors.

DEAR ABBY: I am deeply disturbed to have learned after having been married to "John" for four years, that he never divorced his last wife. He insists they are legally divorced because she abandoned him 10 years ago.

I feel betrayed, used and abused, and I don't know what to do. We've built a home and combined our finances. I can't even pay bills without him. If I leave, I lose everything I have established. What do I do? Please help me feel adequate again. -- BETRAYED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BETRAYED: Talk to an attorney immediately! If you were not aware that he wasn't divorced when you married him, he has committed fraud as well as bigamy. You should not lose everything you have established; in fact, he'll be lucky if he isn't prosecuted.

DEAR ABBY: How do you know if a guy likes you? -- ASHLEY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ASHLEY: If a guy pays attention to you or tries to get your attention, then the odds are pretty good that he likes you.

DEAR ABBY: Our house will soon be paid off. My husband and I would like to have a party to celebrate, but we're not sure if we should.

None of our friends are anywhere close to paying off their mortgages. We made the choice to drive old cars while our friends all have beautiful new ones, and we were genuinely happy for them each time they proudly showed them off.

I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I am our friends' emergency contact for their kids at school. They have taken amazing vacations, and we have enjoyed their stories and photographs. We used the time and money trips would have cost to stay home and work on projects around the house. We haven't envied them; we just had different goals.

Should we celebrate this -- just the two of us, or with our friends? -- DIFFERENT GOALS IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR DIFFERENT GOALS: True friends celebrate each other's victories. With no more mortgage to pay, you and your husband will now be able to enjoy some of the things your friends have been enjoying all these years. While some couples would prefer to mark the occasion with a special dinner at a nice restaurant, if you're inclined to do otherwise, then throw a party. You deserve it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 38 years. The issue is that sometimes I get insanely jealous. It isn't an everyday occurrence, but I become insecure because I feel my husband is too attractive to other women.

My husband is very outgoing and I am an introvert. I find myself accusing him, and he tells me I need to stop it. He reassures me that I'm the only woman he loves and wants in his life.

I don't want to destroy our wonderful marriage. I consider myself attractive. I need to stop letting my lack of self-confidence get the best of me. Please help. -- INSECURE IN OHIO

DEAR INSECURE: I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your feelings magically disappear, but I can't. The answer to your problem lies in finding out the cause of your deep-seated insecurity, because that's what triggers your jealousy. Until you do, nothing will change. A licensed mental health professional can help you get to the root of it and provide the tools to deal with it. Your physician should be able to refer you to someone who is qualified.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my husband for five years, but we've been married only for a year. He told me a few months ago that his ex-girlfriend said he is the father of her child. We did a home DNA test and it showed he is not the father. In spite of that, my husband insists he still wants to take care of the child. I don't know what to do. Please help. -- THROWN IN NEW YORK

DEAR THROWN: It appears that what your husband wants is to maintain a close tie to the child's mother, because that is what will happen if he takes financial responsibility for her child. Tell your husband you want to discuss this with the help of a professional mediator, preferably a marriage counselor. If he refuses, talk to an attorney because you may be needing one.