DEAR ABBY: Because I had a promiscuous past prior to getting married, it was understandable that my husband and I have gone through some rough patches. It's been three years since our wedding, and he still can't let it go sometimes. A recent argument just escalated into his calling me a whore and stupid. We have a beautiful little girl together, so it's not like I can just up and go whenever I want.

When is enough, enough? Where is the point that I can give in to the thought that I can't do it anymore? Or is this just what marriage is? We have already done counseling, and it just made it worse. I feel really alone, so can you please give me some feedback? -- ROUGH PATCH

DEAR ROUGH PATCH: If your husband knew about your promiscuous past when he married you, he has no right to throw it at you when he's angry. That's fighting dirty, and it never resolves the issue at hand. You are neither a whore nor stupid, and this is NOT what marriage is supposed to be. Good husbands build their partner's self-esteem; they don't undercut it the way yours is doing, because it is abusive.

Since the counseling you had didn't work, you must now decide whether you need to try again with a different therapist or talk to a lawyer. If I were living like this, I know what I would do, but the only person who can decide what's best for you and your daughter is you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been friends with a bachelor for 30 years. Over the past year we have had a problem with him that is seriously straining our friendship. When he uses the bathroom in our home, he leaves a terrible mess. There's urine all over the toilet and a large puddle on the bathroom floor. The last time he was here, it was obvious he had stepped in it and tracked it around as he left the room! I'm extremely upset and angry.

In addition, it's obvious he doesn't wash his hands, as the sink and soap are bone-dry. I don't want him to come over anymore. My husband wants me to be more forgiving. We're both too embarrassed to say anything to him. Should we stop being his friend, or have a frank talk? He is oblivious and continues to contact us and wants to visit. We either put him off or try to arrange to meet him elsewhere. It is becoming unbearable. -- DISGUSTED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DISGUSTED: It would be a shame to throw away a 30-year friendship without trying to save it. Could there be a physical problem that has caused this change in your longtime friend -- a bladder problem, or one with his eyesight?

You are all adults, and longtime friends should be able to speak frankly with each other. Because your husband is closer to him than you are, he's the one who needs to talk to him "man to man" and point out the fact that there is a problem and then ask what might be wrong.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is extremely jealous of the close relationship I have with my daughter. If I spend time with my daughter and grandson, she gets mad at me and keeps my grandchildren from me. I need advice on how to handle her. I get her children almost every weekend. I work a full-time job, but she feels like I should have them more. -- GRANDMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR GRANDMA: I don't think your daughter-in-law is necessarily jealous of the close relationship you have with your daughter. But it may be that she wants more free baby-sitting service. You say you have her children almost every weekend. That hardly seems to me like she's keeping them from you.

Remind her that working a full-time job and taking care of her children the amount of time you already do is as much as you can handle, and that you need time with your daughter and her son. There are only so many hours in a day, and you need time to rest if you're going to go the distance. If that's not enough for her, so be it. If she chooses to punish you for it, it is her children who will also suffer -- not just you.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small town in Pennsylvania, where I teach fifth grade and coach at the local school. I love my job and feel lucky to be teaching next door to my mentor.

The problem is there's another teacher and a student with whom I share the same name. I can't help but feel discouraged when colleagues and students refer to me as "Junior ( )" or "Fake ( )" and make jokes about it on a daily basis. I try to laugh it off, but it does get to me. I feel I should be respected because I am a professional. Is there a better way to handle this so it doesn't negatively affect my day? -- FRUSTRATED TEACHER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The people who do this may think they're hilariously funny, but when students do it, it is disrespectful. Tell them you would prefer to be addressed as "Mr. (first initial of your last name)."

As for your colleagues, remind them that you are an adult now, nothing about you is fake -- and give yourself a nickname more acceptable than "Junior." Do it with humor. If they slip up, keep reminding them, and eventually it will catch on.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 50s and disabled. I am also the full-time caregiver for my parents. I live with them because they are also disabled and need my help.

An old friend has moved back to the area. I care very much for her, but I'm afraid I have nothing to offer her because I don't have my own place or make a lot being on Social Security. I'm hesitant to get close to her because all I have is the way I feel about her. Advice? -- NEEDING GUIDANCE IN IOWA

DEAR NEEDING GUIDANCE: I do have a nugget of advice for you: I think you should be honest. The way you feel about this woman could be enough for her. Whether you have anything to offer is something SHE should be allowed to decide rather than you doing it for her. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

DEAR ABBY: I will be spending a couple of months visiting my daughter, who is a single mom. She has asked me to help her wake her 8- and 11-year-old kids in the morning and have them ready for school.

Unfortunately, she works some distance away from her home. The kids attend private school and are involved in sports. The problem is, they eat and go to bed later than they should. In the morning, they can't wake up or get out of bed. She reminds them repeatedly to get ready, but when it's time to leave and they're not dressed or haven't eaten breakfast, my daughter begins raising her voice. Leaving late means the kids arrive at school late, and my daughter is late for work.

I'm leaving in a couple of weeks and need some guidance on how to approach this no-win situation. -- RISE AND SHINE IN MAINE

DEAR RISE AND SHINE: I'm surprised the teachers haven't complained about your grandchildren's constant tardiness, or that your daughter's boss hasn't warned her about her constant lateness. It's time you and your daughter had a private chat.

As you have stated, your grandchildren are going to bed so late it's interfering not only with their school schedule, but their mother's work schedule. The obvious solution would be for her to get the kids to bed at an earlier hour, with lights off and no electronics. You can enforce it while you are there, but unless your daughter is willing to continue to do that, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: For the past five years, I have been using the (very small!) exercise room in my apartment complex every day after work. It's an important part of my routine. A couple of weeks ago, a new girl started coming into the exercise room shortly after I start my workout (it's a little crowded, but no problem).

Last week, she started coming in just a few minutes before I get there. She puts her TV show on (very loudly), uses the machine I always use, and when I walk in at my usual time, I must use an old machine I don't like and watch her horrible show.

I have lived here longer and feel I have earned my time in the gym, and she is being sneaky by coming in just before I do. I cannot come in earlier since I get there as soon as I get off work.

I'm tempted to exert my seniority! I feel wronged, even though I know it's not my personal gym. Is there anything I can do when I feel snubbed like this? -- WORKED UP (NOT OUT) IN OHIO

DEAR WORKED UP: One of the sometimes unwritten rules of gyms is that the person who arrives first gets to choose which machine to use and whatever television show he or she prefers. If you can't make it in before the new girl arrives, then you will have to adjust your schedule and come in later when she's out of there, or reach a compromise with her. Sorry.