DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son are heroin addicts. After living through this hell for 11 years, I have reached my breaking point. My daughter, who just turned 18, is in jail. My heart is broken. Therapists, parent sessions, etc. haven't helped.

I'm 60 years old and should be retiring, but my retirement money was all spent on rehabs, etc. I won't even go into the many items that were stolen from me.

How do I move on? I'm so depressed I can't get out of bed in the morning, and I cry all day. I don't want to take meds for depression because drugs have caused all my misery. My marriage is falling apart too. How do I carry on with this misery? -- MISERABLE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR MISERABLE: The way to carry on is to let it go. If you haven't heard of Nar-Anon, you should check into it. It's a support group for the family and friends of people who are addicted to narcotics, based on the principles of Al-Anon, which is for the loved ones of alcoholics. Help is as near as your computer. Visit nar-anon.org to find a group near you, and you will find that you are not as alone as you feel right now.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago I discovered my wife had been cheating on me with an ex-boyfriend for eight years. We have two young children, so we resolved our differences and decided against divorce.

Now she says she wants us to have another baby. I feel I cannot handle a pregnancy with her because of her infidelity. As a hands-on father, I would want to be part of the pregnancy and the complications/changes that come with it. How should I handle this and express to her why I cannot (at this point) have another child with her? -- HANDS-ON DAD

DEAR DAD: Clearly you are not over your wife's infidelity, and frankly, I can't blame you. The best way to get the message across to her would be during marriage counseling.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago I gifted one of my nephews, who was serving in the military at the time, with a .38-caliber revolver that had belonged to my uncle and reportedly had been used during World War I. I also gave his older brother a Colt .45 pistol from World War II.

The nephew with the .38 revolver suffered from PTSD and died several years ago. The gun went to his father. My question is, shouldn't I have been asked if I wanted the revolver returned? I didn't give it to his father but to him. The father has made no attempt to return it to me.

Abby, guns with histories are very personal to owners, and this one was doubly personal and an antique. What should I do? -- EMPTY HOLSTER IN TEXAS

DEAR EMPTY HOLSTER: Technically, once a gift is given it becomes the property of the person who receives it. Because your nephew is deceased -- and I'm assuming his father is his next of kin -- the gun became the father's property. Since the gun has emotional significance to you because of its history, depending upon your relationship with the father, you can ask him to return it -- or offer to buy it back from him. However, there is no guarantee he will agree to your request.

DEAR ABBY: I am 68 and my husband is 80. I just found out he is involved with a 40-year-old woman. He says it is not an affair because they haven't actually had sex! I don't know what to do. Can you help me? -- HEARTBROKEN IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your husband may not be having an affair in the physical sense, but he is having an emotional affair. He may be flattered by the attention he's receiving from a younger woman, or he may think he's actually in love with her. Whether she is in love with him is open to question.

However, if your husband is giving her money, you might have an argument that he is being manipulated into it, which could qualify as elder abuse. Remember, too, if you are a longtime wife in a community property state, half of the assets acquired during your marriage are yours. If he doesn't agree to end the relationship, this is something you might want to discuss with a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: My 7-year-old daughter, "Jessie," has a best friend who lives next door. The neighbor, "Laurie," has an older brother, "Jason," who is 13.

Recently, Jessie played at Laurie's house, and when she came home she told me Jason had said some nasty things to her. When I asked what they were, she told me that one time Jason told her to pull down her underwear, and another time he told her to pull down his pants and do something that can't be mentioned in a family newspaper.

When I heard it, I was livid. I told his mother about it, and now she will not let my daughter play with Laurie. She believes Jessie made it all up. My daughter is inconsolable because she no longer has a playmate. She believes it is her fault that Laurie can't play with her because she told me. I don't know what to do so the girls can play together. -- NEEDS A PLAYMATE

DEAR NEEDS: It is important that you make Jessie understand that none of this was her fault -- it was Jason's fault -- and that she did the right thing by telling you. What you need to do now is help your daughter find other playmates, preferably some whose parents supervise when children play in their home.

While Jason's mother may not want to believe what her son did, it's highly unlikely your daughter made it up. Dealing with a problem like that by putting her head in the sand will only invite more trouble, because Jason is sure to repeat it with some other little girl.

DEAR ABBY: Today I called my church to cancel my attendance at a retreat a month from now. I had paid $25 to hold my spot. When I stated my reason for calling, the church secretary said, "Do you want a refund or would you like to donate toward tithes?" I thought this was nervy. I told her to refund the money. What is your thought on this? -- WANTS A REFUND IN BRENTWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR WANTS: Just this: You were offered an option, and you chose the one you preferred. Let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 years old, and my mother still walks around naked in front of me with no warning. I've told her several times that it makes me uncomfortable, but she seems not to take me seriously. In her culture (she's not from the U.S.), walking around naked is no problem. But I'm tired of seeing her breasts unexpectedly.

I'm all about positive body image, but it's strange to me to see a 62-year-old woman's breasts. Am I the one who has an issue? I'm open to any advice or recommendations. -- 'NUDIE'S' DAUGHTER IN HOUSTON

DEAR DAUGHTER: It appears you are, indeed, the one who has the issue. If you're seeing your mother walk around in a state of undress, I'm guessing that, although you are an adult, you are still living under her roof. In her house, she has the privilege of making the rules, not you. If she is comfortable walking around au naturel, you will either have to accept it or move out. The choice is yours.

DEAR ABBY: A while ago I noticed that my fiance had been hiding empty cans of beer from me. After I go to sleep (he is a night owl and I usually end up going to sleep first), he goes to the store and buys a can or two of beer. But instead of throwing the empty cans out, he hides them. When I accidentally discovered his hiding place, I told him he didn't have to hide them from me. Now, every once in a while I check the same spot, and I have noticed that he has been hiding them again.

A beer or two is OK with me, Abby, considering the stresses he deals with at work. What worries me is that he feels the need to hide the cans from me after I told him he doesn't have to. Does this mean he has a bigger problem that needs to be addressed? Please help! -- UNSURE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UNSURE: Yes, he does. Your fiance apparently feels guilty about his nightly beer drinking, which is why he hides the evidence. The two of you need to have a serious conversation about it, preferably before the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: There is a reaction that sometimes happens when my daughter and I meet someone new that really frosts me. When someone says, "You look like sisters," I want to say, "Baloney!" In the first place, we do not look like sisters -- our 22-year difference is very obvious. I know the speakers think they are flattering me, but what they are really doing is making my daughter think she looks older. Please ask your readers to stop and think before making such fake-flattery comparisons. -- BALONEY IN COLORADO

DEAR BALONEY: I can ask my readers to refrain from saying it, but please explain to your daughter that the compliment is meant for you, indicating that you look young for your age -- not that she looks old for hers.

DEAR READERS: I deeply appreciate the relationship I have with you. You make my life a joy. Please allow me to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day. -- LOVE, ABBY