DEAR ABBY: One of my girlfriends is dating my ex-boyfriend. They just had a kid, and he started flirting with me. I'm not in a relationship, so I flirted back. Now I'm getting bullied nonstop because people say I'm gonna break them up. But shouldn't they be mad at him more than me?

Why is everyone jumping down my throat? I didn't do anything with him. It was just words. Either way, he's the one in the relationship! He shouldn't have done it in the first place, and yes, I admit it was wrong on my part, too. But not as wrong, right?

I need help, because I go to a small school, and everyone here wants to jump me now. It's hard to concentrate on work with mean comments getting shouted out at me. I've said my "sorry's" to everyone. Even though it's none of their business. -- HE'S WRONG, RIGHT?

DEAR HE'S: It should be apparent that your ex-boyfriend still feels the need to prove to himself that he's attractive to women, which makes him no prize. You were right to apologize to "everyone." (I hope the first apology was to your girlfriend.)

There is an unwritten rule that you're not supposed to date your friends' exes, and frankly, this is the reason for it. I can't stop your classmates' judgment of you, and neither can you. But you can hold your head high and tell them you have learned a lesson.

DEAR ABBY: I am on a self-imposed strict diet to try to curb my weight. Often when my spouse and I are invited to a couple's house, I will ask what they are serving and let them know about my diet. Is this rude? Would it be more rude to say nothing and eat beforehand?

I have fallen into the pitfalls of overeating, and I'm afraid that if I let myself splurge for even one night it could spiral. It has happened before. The last time was at a party where all they had was pizza. When I politely declined, the host joked that "I was too good for their food." Was I wrong? -- STAYING STRONG IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STAYING STRONG: It's not rude to bring the fact that you are watching your weight to your host's attention when you are invited. A considerate host should ask the guest if there are any food allergies, restrictions, etc. If that doesn't happen, it's all right to inform the host if there are foods you need to avoid. If guests prefer to lessen the temptation to pig out by eating before going to a party, that's fine too.

P.S. As to that pizza party -- were you warned in advance what kind of party it was? If not, your host was extremely rude to call attention to the fact that you weren't eating and to ridicule you by "joking" about it. Now that's tacky!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS: The Year of the Rooster begins today. I'm wishing a happy, healthy new year to all who celebrate it. People born in the Year of the Rooster are trustworthy, work well on a schedule and are responsible at work. They are also observant, active, resourceful, courageous and talented. Roosters are confident in themselves. They enjoy the spotlight, but can appear vain and boastful when they "crow" about their accomplishments!

DEAR ABBY: I work in customer service and was helping a guest. During my eight- to 10-minute chat with her, she showed me her phone. The wallpaper on her phone was a picture of the guest and her boyfriend in Times Square. Without mentioning it to the guest, I recognized her boyfriend as the husband of a friend of mine I'll call Julie.

Julie and her husband have two young children. Part of me wants to confront him, but part of me says this would destroy a family. I have resolved to remain quiet unless I hear of marital difficulties, but would that be a disservice to my friend and her children? I feel like I'm carrying a grenade that may devastate many innocents. -- WANTS TO CONFRONT HIM

DEAR WANTS TO CONFRONT: Unless you are 100 percent certain that the man you saw on the phone was who you think he was, and not someone with a strong resemblance to Julie's husband, do not involve yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My mom told me that when I get engaged, she is going to hire a PI to investigate my fiance! I know that parents can be concerned, but this seems to me like total paranoia.

She told me a story she saw in the news about a seemingly normal man who ended up killing people to steal their money to pay for his wedding. That's scary, but I don't think it warrants hiring a PI to follow my future fiance around. I think my mom is going beyond being overprotective. What do you think? -- FEELING CONFLICTED

DEAR FEELING CONFLICTED: I agree with you. What your mother is proposing is the definition of helicopter parenting. If your boyfriend were to find out, it would be the end of your romance. Perhaps you should ask your mother how she would feel if your fiance's family hired a detective to shake your family tree. I'll bet she wouldn't like it one bit.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to see how other wives would handle this. I have a "friend" who constantly calls my husband her "boyfriend." She's married, and I'm sure this irks her spouse too. Every time they come over, she has to give my husband a really big hug (she has a large chest).

I feel what she's doing is inappropriate and want to know what you recommend to put a stop to this. It has reached the point I wish they would quit coming here. My husband and I are both polite people, but I would like for this to cease. -- POLITE PAT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR POLITE PAT: I'm a wife and here's how I'd handle it. I would have your husband tell your friend privately that her effusiveness is embarrassing and to please stop doing it. If he doesn't feel comfortable doing this, talk to the woman yourself and tell her that when she calls your husband her boyfriend, it offends you, and that her husband should be her boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: I am a successful business professional in my mid-50s. I have put my children through college, and they have no student loans. (My wife did not help with any of the college expenses. It was all on me.)

I am finally at a point in my life that I can pursue my passion of buying a sports car. I have always been a car guy, and my wife knows it. When I bring up the subject of purchasing the car of my dreams, which is not very expensive, she tells me I will look like an idiot. In her next breath she says it's OK if I buy a sports car if it is the one she wants, and of course, the one she wants is very expensive.

No matter how I broach the subject, she does not "get" that it is not about her but about my passion as a car guy. How do I get her to see my side? -- REVVING UP IN NEW YORK

DEAR REVVING UP: If it's your money paying for the car, you don't have to get her to see your side. It will be yours -- not hers -- and you should buy the one that gives you pleasure and drive it to your heart's content.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with "Roger" for 28 years. He is basically a good, honest man, but he thinks only of himself. When I had heart surgery, he left me alone at the hospital that night, not knowing if I would live or die. (Nothing would have kept me from his bedside!) I'll be having knee surgery soon, and he won't take the day off or a sick day to take me. He wants a friend of ours to do it.

These are just two samples of his lack of support for me. I guess there is no way to make someone care enough about you to put their conveniences aside. When we moved out of state, he said if he didn't find a job, he was going back home. Well, where would that have left me?

Roger wouldn't have anything at all if it weren't for me. I know I should dump him, but after 28 years, I can't pull the rug out from under him. He cops an attitude and makes me feel bad if I press the subject. I only wish he would do something for me from his heart, but I guess it isn't there. Any advice, Abby? -- HIS LAST PRIORITY IN FLORIDA

DEAR LAST PRIORITY: Yes, because you can't bring yourself to pull the rug out from under Roger, it might help you to memorize the Serenity Prayer when he disappoints you in the future. It goes like this: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

DEAR ABBY: My mother was a stickler when it came to table manners. She had a little 1-inch-long ceramic pink pig that she placed in front of me every time I did something Emily Post would frown on. I hated that little pig. -- RALPH IN ARROYO GRANDE, CALIF.

DEAR RALPH: Now, now. You should have been grateful to that little pig, because it kept you from becoming a big one.