DEAR ABBY: I work in customer service and was helping a guest. During my eight- to 10-minute chat with her, she showed me her phone. The wallpaper on her phone was a picture of the guest and her boyfriend in Times Square. Without mentioning it to the guest, I recognized her boyfriend as the husband of a friend of mine I'll call Julie.

Julie and her husband have two young children. Part of me wants to confront him, but part of me says this would destroy a family. I have resolved to remain quiet unless I hear of marital difficulties, but would that be a disservice to my friend and her children? I feel like I'm carrying a grenade that may devastate many innocents. -- WANTS TO CONFRONT HIM

DEAR WANTS TO CONFRONT: Unless you are 100 percent certain that the man you saw on the phone was who you think he was, and not someone with a strong resemblance to Julie's husband, do not involve yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My mom told me that when I get engaged, she is going to hire a PI to investigate my fiance! I know that parents can be concerned, but this seems to me like total paranoia.

She told me a story she saw in the news about a seemingly normal man who ended up killing people to steal their money to pay for his wedding. That's scary, but I don't think it warrants hiring a PI to follow my future fiance around. I think my mom is going beyond being overprotective. What do you think? -- FEELING CONFLICTED

DEAR FEELING CONFLICTED: I agree with you. What your mother is proposing is the definition of helicopter parenting. If your boyfriend were to find out, it would be the end of your romance. Perhaps you should ask your mother how she would feel if your fiance's family hired a detective to shake your family tree. I'll bet she wouldn't like it one bit.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to see how other wives would handle this. I have a "friend" who constantly calls my husband her "boyfriend." She's married, and I'm sure this irks her spouse too. Every time they come over, she has to give my husband a really big hug (she has a large chest).

I feel what she's doing is inappropriate and want to know what you recommend to put a stop to this. It has reached the point I wish they would quit coming here. My husband and I are both polite people, but I would like for this to cease. -- POLITE PAT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR POLITE PAT: I'm a wife and here's how I'd handle it. I would have your husband tell your friend privately that her effusiveness is embarrassing and to please stop doing it. If he doesn't feel comfortable doing this, talk to the woman yourself and tell her that when she calls your husband her boyfriend, it offends you, and that her husband should be her boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: I am a successful business professional in my mid-50s. I have put my children through college, and they have no student loans. (My wife did not help with any of the college expenses. It was all on me.)

I am finally at a point in my life that I can pursue my passion of buying a sports car. I have always been a car guy, and my wife knows it. When I bring up the subject of purchasing the car of my dreams, which is not very expensive, she tells me I will look like an idiot. In her next breath she says it's OK if I buy a sports car if it is the one she wants, and of course, the one she wants is very expensive.

No matter how I broach the subject, she does not "get" that it is not about her but about my passion as a car guy. How do I get her to see my side? -- REVVING UP IN NEW YORK

DEAR REVVING UP: If it's your money paying for the car, you don't have to get her to see your side. It will be yours -- not hers -- and you should buy the one that gives you pleasure and drive it to your heart's content.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with "Roger" for 28 years. He is basically a good, honest man, but he thinks only of himself. When I had heart surgery, he left me alone at the hospital that night, not knowing if I would live or die. (Nothing would have kept me from his bedside!) I'll be having knee surgery soon, and he won't take the day off or a sick day to take me. He wants a friend of ours to do it.

These are just two samples of his lack of support for me. I guess there is no way to make someone care enough about you to put their conveniences aside. When we moved out of state, he said if he didn't find a job, he was going back home. Well, where would that have left me?

Roger wouldn't have anything at all if it weren't for me. I know I should dump him, but after 28 years, I can't pull the rug out from under him. He cops an attitude and makes me feel bad if I press the subject. I only wish he would do something for me from his heart, but I guess it isn't there. Any advice, Abby? -- HIS LAST PRIORITY IN FLORIDA

DEAR LAST PRIORITY: Yes, because you can't bring yourself to pull the rug out from under Roger, it might help you to memorize the Serenity Prayer when he disappoints you in the future. It goes like this: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

DEAR ABBY: My mother was a stickler when it came to table manners. She had a little 1-inch-long ceramic pink pig that she placed in front of me every time I did something Emily Post would frown on. I hated that little pig. -- RALPH IN ARROYO GRANDE, CALIF.

DEAR RALPH: Now, now. You should have been grateful to that little pig, because it kept you from becoming a big one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a hard time deciding if I should forgive my husband or tell him enough is enough. In the year since our wedding, he became infatuated with one of my bridesmaids to the point of telling her -- and me -- that he loved her. He also flirted with women online, lied to my face about it, and asked for and received nude pictures from a "friend" and an ex.

We have been in counseling for about a month now, but we're moving soon, and I'm not sure I want to move with him, even though he now says he wants to fix things. We have a small child together, which affects my decision. What should I do? -- NOT SURE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NOT SURE: It appears that the man you married was not mature enough to make that commitment. That the two of you are now in counseling and he wants to make things work is hopeful. However, considering what has been going on for the past year, I can understand your serious doubts. Because you already have a counselor helping you to work on your marriage, I think you should take your question to -- and your cues from -- the person with whom you are working.

DEAR ABBY: I am going to be a great-grandmother soon, and I'm very excited about it. I didn't think I would live to experience this great joy. My beautiful granddaughter is not married to the baby's father, but is a mature and loving person.

Although her immediate family is supportive, the extended family is not and refuses to acknowledge it. My sisters will call me and talk about anything and everything except my granddaughter and the baby that is coming. I don't know what to make of their conduct. I feel like hanging up on them, or telling them off and being done with them.

They are never going to experience being great-grandmothers themselves. Could they be jealous or angry that this happened? Please tell me how to handle it. Their health isn't good, so if I cut them off, it could be forever. -- PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your sisters could be jealous or angry, as you suspect. They could also be judgmental and trying to "punish" your granddaughter for being pregnant and unwed by ignoring her.

I don't blame you for feeling angry, and possibly hurt, for the way they are behaving. You're entitled. But the question you must answer for yourself is, would you be better off with or without those "sweethearts" in your life? Only you can answer that one.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for nine months, and for the first time, at 28, I can say I know what love is. Marriage is in the future, which brings me to my question. How and when do I tell him I was adopted? -- EAST COAST GIRL

DEAR EAST COAST GIRL: Frankly, I'm surprised this hasn't already been discussed as part of your getting to know each other. You are acting like having been adopted is some kind of guilty secret, and it's not. Tell your boyfriend in a quiet environment in which you can discuss it, preferably when you're having dinner and when you both feel relaxed and comfortable, so you can answer any questions he may ask you.