DEAR ABBY: My sister and her family recently moved out of state after having lived near our family all her life. Mom and I want to visit her this year, but she likely won't have enough room for us in the house because she has three kids and only three bedrooms. She does have a sofa bed and an air mattress, but neither my mother nor I want to sleep on them. Both of us suffer from back and knee problems and don't want to be uncomfortable.

Would it be rude if we stayed at a hotel? We have never stayed with her family before, so we're not sure if they would be upset. What is the proper etiquette here? -- PUZZLED GUEST

DEAR PUZZLED: Call your sister around the time you're planning to visit, and tell her how much you both are looking forward to seeing her. Then ask if there are any hotels or motels nearby, making sure to explain that you and your mother plan to stay in one because your physical problems prevent either of you from sleeping comfortably on a sofa bed or an air mattress. To do that is not insulting, and it may take the pressure of "entertaining" off your sister's shoulders, because with three children, I'm sure she's plenty busy.

DEAR ABBY: I had a relationship with a man who was introduced by a family friend. Our relationship lasted a month before he ended it without giving me a reason. I went on with my life.

A year later, he sent me a message asking how I was and what was happening in my life. I was caught by surprise because I thought he had forgotten about me. I replied casually, and the conversation continues.

He knows about my plans to work abroad. He says he supports them and would like to send money to help me start, but he wants to keep it a secret and asked me to promise not to tell anybody. Is it OK to accept his offer? -- TEMPTED IN THE PHILIPPINES

DEAR TEMPTED: I vote no. Unless you fully understand why your benefactor wants to keep his generosity hush-hush, I don't think you should accept. Keep your guard up and the relationship casual until you know a lot more about him -- like whether the man is married, because I'm wondering if he may be. When something seems too good to be true, it usually is.

DEAR ABBY: I have read letters in your column with suggestions for how to be a good wife, daughter-in-law, etc. Would you please give me some suggestions for how to be a good former wife? I know things like not attacking the present wife, but when we are at family functions, what am I required to do? -- EX-WIFE ETIQUETTE

DEAR EX-WIFE: Good manners dictate that you act like a lady. Not all divorces are friendly, but if you exhibit hostility, it will make everyone at the gathering uncomfortable. Give a pleasant greeting when you see your ex. If relations are cordial, make conversation. If not, then occupy yourself with other family members. And when the party is over, say a pleasant goodbye. I think that about covers it.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Russ" is a sweet, quiet, reserved guy with a goofy side. He's in his mid-20s, but has never kissed a girl or gone out on a date. (He is the kind of person girls regard as a brother figure.) He has no confidence and doesn't drink, dance or let loose. I have seen his dating profiles, and they are brutally unappealing.

I want to help Russ find someone before it's too late. I hate seeing him lonely. He needs someone to give him a chance and help him learn to be more confident. I know it's wrong to try to change someone, but I feel if he doesn't get some help, no one will ever give him the time of day. He needs a sense of adventure and, frankly, a change of wardrobe.

How can I help this "good boy" get the attention of the ladies? -- AMANDA IN WYOMING

DEAR AMANDA: You are a good friend. Talk to Russ and ask if he would be open to a bit of "coaching" to improve his social life. Tell him you have seen his dating profiles and offer to help him tweak them. If new photos are needed, suggest you go shopping together for a new outfit (or two), so he will have a more "contemporary" look. If he needs to learn to dance, show him some steps.

He may accept some help if you approach the subject with sensitivity. However, I'm not sure how much more than that you can do because, in the end, Russ is going to have to find a girl whose values mirror his own.

DEAR ABBY: Our 2-year-old granddaughter is using "dirty words" during her visits with us. We have tried ignoring her, and also popping her on the bottom while saying "no." Her mother uses this language, so this situation is very confusing for our granddaughter. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED: Someone needs to explain to the mother that the "dirty words" her daughter is being taught are normal are sure to create problems for her when she's old enough for school. Perhaps it will be the wakeup call she needs to clean up her vocabulary.

However, if that isn't effective, then it's up to you to teach your granddaughter that dirty words cannot be used in your home. Reward her when she remembers, remind her when she forgets and institute penalties if it persists. That's how kids learn, and you will be doing her a favor if you start early.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 50 years. We were both raised in a conservative religion, but haven't attended Sunday services in a long time.

I have become more liberal than my wife over the years, and I recently attended a service at a liberal, internationally recognized church. I felt I belonged immediately. I had never before felt so happy to be with like-minded worshippers. My wife had huge issues with it, and the next time I wanted to attend, she got very upset. There was an iciness around the house for three days after I went. That was a month ago, and I haven't gone again.

I resent my wife's resistance. This coming Sunday, I plan to tell her I'll be "going out" and will be back in a couple of hours. No doubt she'll know I'm at church, and I'll pay the price with her cold attitude or tears. Does she have a right to tell me I can't attend a particular church? -- MOVED BY THE SPIRIT

DEAR MOVED: No, she does not! In light of the fact that you haven't attended church together in years, she should be happy for you.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help in dealing with an old "frenemy." "Jenny" and I were friends in high school, but she constantly berated me and accused me of taking advantage of her. She would make herself feel better by putting me down.

After she went away to college, she got pregnant by a non-boyfriend. When she had an abortion, she swore me to secrecy because she didn't tell the father. Shortly thereafter, he came to me and tricked me into telling him. To this day, Jenny still blames me and says I was out to get her and ruin her life.

Jenny spread rumors about me around our group of friends, on the internet, and told my mom horrible lies about me. She even threatened a lawsuit. Ten years later, she still pops up out of the blue to attack me. A year ago, she sent me a message saying she wished I had died in a tornado that struck my area. She sends taunts about an old boyfriend of mine who got married and had a kid.

I never respond because that's what she wants. She pops up at the worst times and makes me feel worse. How should I deal with her? -- AT A BOILING POINT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BOILING: Continue to ignore this troubled woman. Block her anywhere you can, and delete any messages that leak through so you won't have to see them. If you have mutual friends who don't know the whole story, you should have enlightened them years ago -- and the same goes for your mother.

Jenny appears to have serious issues. She isn't a "frenemy." She is strictly bad news, so recognize it and move on.

DEAR ABBY: While preparing a letter at work, I noticed that it was going to be mailed to a married lesbian couple. Typically, the correct way to address an envelope to a woman would be to Ms., Miss or Mrs. and to a male it's either Mr. or Master, depending upon his age.

What's the proper way to address a gay couple? Is M/M still used in place of Mr. and Mr. and Mrs. and Mrs.? -- PROPER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR PROPER: According to Steven Petrow's "Complete Gay and Lesbian Manners," the correct way to address the envelopes of married gay and lesbian couples should be (in alphabetical order):

Mr. Bradley Burch and Mr. Mark Foster

Ms. Cecelia Carter and Ms. Diane Grant

Or, if the couple shares the same last name:

Mr. Bradley and Mr. Mark Burch

Ms. Cecelia and Ms. Diane Carter

DEAR ABBY: Now that I'm older, I often find it hard to remember all the names and amounts of my prescriptions when I visit my various doctors. To help myself, I now carry in my wallet a small copy of a spreadsheet listing all my medication information. That way, I can give accurate details to the physician.

I'd like to pass my solution on to other readers who may have the same need to be precise and up-to-date when visiting the doctor. -- IN GOOD HEALTH IN AUSTIN

DEAR IN GOOD HEALTH: That's a suggestion worth sharing. And while you are at it, you should also list for your doctor any vitamins, supplements and over-the-counter meds you take on a regular basis. This information can also be stored in your smartphone, if you have one.