DEAR ABBY: In the beginning of our marriage there was physical abuse and marital rape. I stayed anyway. Over the years we had two children. My husband, "Seth," and I don't communicate because he has refused to talk about any issues we have. During the last few years, my youngest son has also become physically abusive to me.

I tried to leave many times but failed until last December when, because I had a heart attack, I finally moved in with family. I did it for the sake of my health and my sanity.

Seth now wants to talk about our issues. He suggested that I come back home. He has several medical problems, so I was taking care of all the household chores and working two jobs. My children will not help with the chores unless I scream and yell for hours.

I no longer love my husband. He wants to romance me and try to make me love him again. He is also very controlling. He feels I "owe" him a chance to prove that he loves me and can change. Am I wrong for leaving and letting go? I'm very confused. -- LETTING GO IN FLORIDA

DEAR LETTING GO: You owe this man absolutely nothing! If you allow Seth the chance to romance you into coming back to take care of him, you will wind up exactly where you started.

Your son abuses you because that is what he saw his father doing -- and you allowed it. If you stand your ground now, it will show your son that abuse is not to be tolerated. I hope you will teach him that lesson because it is an important one for him to learn.

DEAR ABBY: Four months ago my wife started wearing more makeup, perfume and trying new things with her hair. It began after she was promoted to store manager. Recently, I found out that someone has been flirting with her. (She would never have told me on her own.)

Our sex life has decreased more and more over the last few months. She barely speaks to me now and spends most of her time on Facebook. She refuses to discuss our relationship, and I suspect she may be looking for someone new or has already found him.

I just don't get it. I love her. We have been married for nine years. Please help me to understand. -- FEELING LONELY

DEAR FEELING LONELY: Your wife may not want to discuss your relationship, but sometimes it's the things people least want to talk about that most need to be. If you haven't already, tell your wife you have noticed the changes in her behavior and in your level of intimacy, and you miss it. Tell her you love her and feel your marriage is threatened.

If she still doesn't want to discuss your relationship, tell her it's time the two of you go see a marriage and family therapist together. What you were told may be no more than a flirtation, but if it's more than that, it's better you know sooner rather than later. I hope your wife will agree, but if she doesn't, then for your own sake, get some counseling without her.

DEAR ABBY: Do you field more questions from unmarried couples living together than from married couples? I can only judge from what is printed. -- INQUISITIVE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR INQUISITIVE: That's an interesting question. Frankly, I have never broken down the letters into categories like "married" or "cohabiting." Many people live together before marriage today, but eventually progress to formalizing their relationship. Others do not. Married or not, their relationship questions interest me, or I wouldn't print them.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago I left my husband after a long marriage, mostly due to his drinking. He often insisted on getting behind the wheel while drunk, and I was uncomfortable about it, although I repeatedly begged him not to do it.

Since our split he has been drinking much later at his favorite bar. Where he used to come home about 8, he now stays until 10 or 11. He recently had an accident on his way home from the bar, but managed to get away before the police arrived.

Part of me wants to contact the police and report it because I would feel horrible if he hurt someone and I had done nothing to stop it. I admit there are also selfish reasons I'd like to see him picked up. My concern is that he'll find out I turned him in. Any suggestion on what to do? -- NERVOUS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NERVOUS: Your husband is a menace on the road, and unless something is done to stop him, he may kill somebody. I say this not only because it is common sense, but also because the daughter-in-law of a friend of mine was the victim in a terrible accident caused by a man who was blind drunk. She was the only survivor; two others died. Her injuries are extensive and traumatic, and it may take years for her to fully recover.

So, please, put aside your personal issues. For the safety of the community, turn him in. If his car was damaged, you would not be the only person who is aware of it.

DEAR ABBY: "Kirk" and I have been together for 10 years, married for five. We're nearing our 30s, and the idea of a child has come up. While I have never had any desire for children, I'm becoming more open to the idea. My parents divorced when I was young, so I have a fear of being a single mom. Kirk grew up never knowing his father, so he has always wanted to take on that role.

Kirk is a wonderful, loving husband, but when he's tired, he doesn't always handle things well. We have two dogs, and when they bother Kirk during the night or when he wants to be left alone, he gets frustrated. I'm wondering if this is an example of how he would be if we were to have a baby.

I have discussed my concerns with him; he says it would be different because it would involve a child, not a pet. I love my dogs dearly and feel they should have their needs met as children do, no matter the circumstances. Is it possible that Kirk will be different with our child, or is this how he'll react when he's disturbed in the middle of the night? -- LOOKING TOWARD THE FUTURE

DEAR LOOKING: That depends upon how Kirk reacts when he becomes "frustrated." Most adults are mature and rational enough to differentiate between an animal's need for attention and a small child's, and react appropriately.

However, since you are approaching this rationally in advance of becoming pregnant, it might quiet your fears if you and Kirk were to join some parenting classes together. Your OB/GYN might be able to tell you where to locate one. Or go online and do a web search on parenting classes in your area.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I and our 13-year-old son live in a nice home we have been remodeling for the last eight years. The problem is, my wife has a hard time getting rid of anything, and she constantly brings home "new projects" that take up space but never get done. At one point, we hired a professional organizer because we had reached the point of having "goat trails" as the only means of navigating our way around the house. We also have a barn that is chockablock full.

I have heard that the root cause may be due to an anomaly on a chromosome. How should I approach my wife about getting some genetic testing done? Her mom is also a professional pack rat. The clutter is taking its toll on our relationship -- we are in marriage counseling -- and on our family. We have so much stuff I can't breathe. -- SUFFOCATING IN MONTANA

DEAR SUFFOCATING: It is interesting that your wife's mother also has this problem. Hoarding is related to obsessive-compulsive disorder, which can run in families, and has been known to be associated with depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder.

It couldn't hurt if your wife had genetic testing done, but the suggestion might be better coming from the marriage counselor rather than from you, because if she hears it from you, she might become defensive or resistant.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked at the same small company for 25 years. All but one of the employees have been with this company for more than 20 years. "Grace" has been here only three years. She is pleasant, funny, trustworthy and easy to be around. However, she never brings her own lunch.

If something is in the refrigerator, she feels it is fair game to eat it. If I bring something she wants, she will come up to me, take the bag and ask, "What's for lunch this week?"

I keep snacks in my desk, and she knows which drawer I keep them in. When I reach for something to hold me over, sometimes the drawer will be empty and the bag will be on her desk or in her trash. It infuriates me.

I have made subtle comments on how this upsets me. I have progressed to no longer bringing my lunch. I know she can afford her own lunch. She earns more than I do and doesn't have children or a mortgage. How do I tell this woman to keep her hands off my lunch and snacks? -- HUNGRY IN HOUSTON

DEAR HUNGRY: How "trustworthy" can Grace be if she steals your food? When her outrageous behavior and petty thievery started, you shouldn't have hinted -- you should have told the woman to keep her hands off your lunch and out of your desk drawers. If she didn't respect your wishes, you should have reported it to your supervisor or your boss.

It's still not too late to do that, and I suggest that if there isn't a policy in your company handbook pertaining to this kind of pilfering that one be included.