DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 30s. We do well for ourselves and are generally happy. We both have siblings who have various problems -- drug abuse, emotional issues, broken relationships. Our parents pick up and travel to support them during their various dramas, but visit my husband and me only if they need a place to stay and don't want to pay for a hotel.

My parents have cited fear of flying as a reason they don't visit us much, and my husband's parents claim they don't have the money. However, their travel itineraries to visit our siblings suggest otherwise.

I haven't asked my husband's parents about this, but I did ask mine. My mother said that because we're "on a good path," they don't need to see us as often or put as much effort into us. I was shocked. How do we deal with knowing that we're less favored because we have our act together? -- THE GOOD KIDS

DEAR GOOD KIDS: You are not the only people with this problem. The same thing tends to happen in families in which there is a child with special needs. The parents expend their energy where they think it is needed most, which often results in hurt and resentment on the part of the stronger siblings.

Perhaps if you view what your mother told you less as a punishment for your success and more as a validation, it will be less hurtful and you will understand the logic. And if you feel you need more time with your parents, go visit them.

DEAR ABBY: "Emotional Dad in California" (July 23), whose wife was planning to deliver their child early, was correct. No baby should be electively delivered before 39 weeks gestation. While term gestation is still defined as 37 weeks, current terminology distinguishes early term (37 to 38 weeks), from term (39 to 40 weeks). Data show that not only is the rate of acute complications higher for babies born even at 36 weeks, but each week less than 39 is associated with increasingly lower developmental scores.

In a collaborative effort, organizations dedicated to children's health have spent the last decade trying to reduce the rate of late preterm births, those from 34 to 37 weeks. We have made great inroads in reducing late preterm births, and I am quite certain that getting the word out to your millions of readers could have a positive impact and take us even further. Every baby should have the healthiest start possible, and in the absence of pregnancy complications, that means waiting until 39 weeks. -- DAVID H. LEVINE, M.D., COLUMBUS, GA.

DEAR DR. LEVINE: Thank you for this information. I heard from many readers, including neonatologists, labor/delivery nurses, and other professionals certified in maternal and newborn care. They all cited the current position of the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) advocating for full-term delivery.

All stated that the final few weeks are important for brain, lung and liver development, vision and hearing, blood sugar regulation, and attaining a healthy birth weight so the baby can stay warm, suck and swallow, and remain awake long enough to be fed. Expectant moms should do as much research as they can in order to give their babies the best chance for the healthiest life.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old woman, married for 50 years, and I hate my husband. He wants to go to swinger parties and toss me to other men. I tried it a couple of times for him and hated it.

He is overbearing and rude. We don't have any friends where we live, so he seeks out new people. He doesn't listen to my begging not to do this. His computer is full of porn and his thoughts are sinful, although he can't perform.

Every day I wish he were dead, but I feel guilty for these thoughts. Please tell me what to do. My life is unbearable. -- PAST MY LIMIT IN ORLANDO

DEAR PAST YOUR LIMIT: By now it should be apparent to you that you can't change your husband. The only thing you can change is yourself. If you find the strength to do that, your circumstances will change. Because you say your life is unbearable, stop bearing it. Talk to a lawyer and set yourself free.

DEAR ABBY: My 33-year-old son has mental problems. He is moving out to live with a guy he has been talking to on the internet and who has met him once.

His father and I are against it, not because of their homosexuality but because we are afraid it's a dangerous situation. We have learned that the guy was arrested three years ago on three different charges. He says he was cleared, but refuses any background checks or fingerprinting for jobs and/or government housing.

When we tried to talk to our son and explain the dangers, he became irate and blamed everything on us. He has no driver's license and has threatened to take off. He has also threatened suicide. We have asked him to consider talking to a psychiatrist, but he refuses. He does see a psychologist every three months, and he's supposed to be on medication, which he refuses to take. How can we deal with this? His psychologist won't talk to us unless my son gives the OK. -- DESPERATE WORRIED MOTHER

DEAR DESPERATE: Because your son is an adult, unless he is a danger to himself or others, there is nothing you can do to prevent him from leaving. However, you can write his psychologist a letter letting him/her know what is going on and address your concerns. There is a chance your son might pay more attention to what his therapist says than to you.

An organization that may be of help to you is The National Alliance on Mental Illness, accessible at nami.org. It may be able to provide you with the guidance and emotional support you need.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16, and I have a crush on a guy who is 23. We met in the gym he works at. He's very shy and he didn't make the first move, but now we flirt a lot. I don't know what to think because we met at his work, and he's so much older than I am. What do you think about the situation? If he kisses me, what should I think? If he doesn't make a move, what should I do? -- CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFUSED: My advice is to forget about it. If he kisses you, consider the consequences if your parents found out what's been going on. It could cost this man his job. He may be very nice, but he is so much older and more experienced than you are that there could be criminal penalties and possibly jail time for him if he's foolish enough to pursue you.