DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old woman with PTSD due to a history of physical abuse, mental abuse and incest that I experienced as a child. I'm proud to say that it has not been repeated with my four children.

My childhood history has made me want sex only if I am in control or if I am role-playing rape. It has caused a big problem with my fiance. I want this scenario all the time, and unfortunately it's unhealthy. I'm not sure how to go about healthy sex with him. He is 10 years older than I am and not interested in "different" sex practices.

I love him very much and don't want to mess up this relationship because of my sex issues. Can you advise me how to handle this? -- ROLE-PLAYING IN ST. PAUL

DEAR ROLE-PLAYING: If you haven't discussed the reason for your sexual issues with your fiance, you need to explain the reason for them. From your letter, I am guessing that you never had counseling to help you resolve the abuse to which you were subjected. If that's correct, I am advising you to contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network; rainn.org) or a local rape crisis organization and ask for some help now. The counselors are specially trained to help victims of various kinds of abuse, and the place to start resolving your issues would be there.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my 30s. My father has been in prison since I was a tot. I was raised by my mother who, in my opinion, did a great job. My relationship with my father has been damaged for as long as I can remember. He will never get out, and part of me is angry at him for making such poor life choices.

When I was a teenager he struck me once during a visit. He is also manipulative and sometimes does hurtful things. For example, a few years ago he wrote me letters to which I never responded. When I finally got around to writing him back, he mailed my letters back to me (unopened) and said I deserved to see how it felt to have letters go unanswered.

He has said he's convinced he will die within five years because he's nearing the ages when his parents died. I think there's something wrong with him, and I'm afraid that after he passes on I'll feel like I didn't make enough of an effort. How do I proceed with my relationship with my father? -- CAUTIOUS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Your father made terrible life choices, and he's spending the rest of his life paying for them. I don't blame you for feeling anger at his inability to parent you. However, before advising you to write him off, I would need to know why he lashed out at you during your prison visit, even though hitting is unacceptable.

When people are incarcerated, their ability to reach out is severely limited, as I am sure you know all too well. I don't think the way your father handled your ignoring his letters was bad or wrong. If his silence stung you, imagine how yours affected him.

Whether or not your father is dying is beside the point. I think on some level you know you have to treat him with more compassion than you have, or you wouldn't have written to me. I don't know anyone who hasn't made mistakes. Your father made a doozy. But you say your mother raised you right, and if that's true it couldn't hurt to treat him with some compassion.

DEAR ABBY: My dad started an affair with a woman who is four years older than I am. He met her when he hired her for her "services." Fast-forward a year: He has left my mom. Mom left the state and has moved in with me. She's trying to rebuild her life, but she's still very much in love with my dad.

Dad, on the other hand, is miserable. His girlfriend is controlling to the point that he's not allowed to talk to his children or grandchildren. She's an alcoholic who mentally, verbally and physically abuses him. He recently left her and came to stay at my house. He told Mom and me that he wanted a fresh start.

Abby, he was here for less than 48 hours and went back to the girlfriend! I am convinced that he either has a drug problem or he's sick. He has lost an extreme amount of weight. I have no idea how to help him and I'm terrified that he is going to die.

Now he won't talk to me. He left while I was at work so he wouldn't have to face me. I don't understand why he would come here only to turn right around and leave. I am disgusted, disappointed and angry. Should I cut all ties with him until he gets his life together? -- DISAPPOINTED DAUGHTER

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Considering what has been going on, your feelings are natural. However, because you are unsure about what is driving your father -- addiction, illness, indecision, etc. -- do not "cut all ties." Leave the door ajar a little longer. There's a saying, "It ain't over 'til it's over." Victims sometimes need several attempts to leave their abusers, and your dad may be no exception.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful girl for about seven months. We're sophomores in college. She's sweet, kind, extraordinarily talented, and we treat each other wonderfully. Everything has been great, with the occasional disagreement.

The problem is that I'm starting to notice that she seems to be homophobic. I was raised in a liberal, open-minded home, whereas hers was much more conservative. She never met a homosexual until college. She has talked about feeling uncomfortable with two men kissing or talking about being intimate.

At first, I thought she'd be equally uncomfortable with straight couples doing the same thing, but she wasn't. When I tell her that I support marriage equality and the LGBTQ community, she gets very quiet and uneasy.

I care for her, but I don't know if I can be with someone who's this uncomfortable about homosexuality. What do you think I should do? This is a very important issue to me, and I would love your insight. -- TORN COLLEGE SOPHOMORE

DEAR TORN: She may be a wonderful girl, but whether you are wonderful for each other is open to question. Try to project ahead. If the two of you were to marry and she was unable to overcome her aversion to gay people, to what extent would it limit your ability to interact with them? Or their ability to have a relationship with you?

Let this play out a little longer to see if she's able to evolve with more exposure. If she's not, then she may not be the one for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 57-year-old male who has been thrust back into the dating scene. I'm financially secure, in good health and have a good career. I'm searching for someone near my age who has similar achievements in life, someone I can communicate with in and out of the bedroom. Simple request, right?

What I'm realizing is that dating hasn't changed much over the years. If one of the parties isn't happy and decides to leave, someone gets hurt. (I have been on both sides.) I am starting to fear expressing my feelings openly and honestly, and if it eventually does come to sex, it's creating performance anxiety. I understand this is all part of the dating ritual and called "baggage," but for me, it's preventing me from being honest, and I'm trying to avoid it.

I see a female therapist who says I just haven't met the right person yet, and I agree. I have a female friend in a similar situation who has become so bitter she now avoids men completely. My male friends tell me to quit looking for a long-term commitment and just date for sex. Neither of these options appeals to me.

My age-old question is: How does a person find a happy balance in this dating world? -- DATING SCENE IN ARIZONA

DEAR DATING SCENE: "Dating" means different things to different people. To your male friends -- as you have found out -- it means a sexual free-for-all. For others, dating is a sifting process that lasts until they meet someone they're comfortable enough with to communicate honestly.

In any successful relationship, communication is key. That's why it's important to be honest with the women you meet, and for them to be the same way with you. That's how people get to know each other beyond the surface, and it's how trust is built. Chemistry is important, but it has to be mutual. You will know it when you find it. Listen to what your therapist is saying because she's steering you in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: My son's girlfriend of five years and her 8-year-old daughter have been living with my son for the last four years. She has recently started introducing my husband and me as her daughter's "grandparents." Tonight she asked for details about my father so her daughter could include them in a paper she is writing about her "family." The daughter's father and his current wife had twins recently, and I understand from her mother that she is somewhat jealous.

I feel uncomfortable with this new description of our relationship, although I don't want to hurt the girl. Should I say something to my son's girlfriend or my son? -- FAMILY DETAILS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FAMILY DETAILS: The word from here is: Keep your lips zipped! If you object, it will cause only hard feelings. You say your son and his girlfriend have been living together for four years. If they should have a child together, do you plan to treat that child differently? Face it, you ARE in the role of a grandparent. My advice is to accept it graciously and act accordingly.