DEAR ABBY: I'm a 57-year-old male who has been thrust back into the dating scene. I'm financially secure, in good health and have a good career. I'm searching for someone near my age who has similar achievements in life, someone I can communicate with in and out of the bedroom. Simple request, right?

What I'm realizing is that dating hasn't changed much over the years. If one of the parties isn't happy and decides to leave, someone gets hurt. (I have been on both sides.) I am starting to fear expressing my feelings openly and honestly, and if it eventually does come to sex, it's creating performance anxiety. I understand this is all part of the dating ritual and called "baggage," but for me, it's preventing me from being honest, and I'm trying to avoid it.

I see a female therapist who says I just haven't met the right person yet, and I agree. I have a female friend in a similar situation who has become so bitter she now avoids men completely. My male friends tell me to quit looking for a long-term commitment and just date for sex. Neither of these options appeals to me.

My age-old question is: How does a person find a happy balance in this dating world? -- DATING SCENE IN ARIZONA

DEAR DATING SCENE: "Dating" means different things to different people. To your male friends -- as you have found out -- it means a sexual free-for-all. For others, dating is a sifting process that lasts until they meet someone they're comfortable enough with to communicate honestly.

In any successful relationship, communication is key. That's why it's important to be honest with the women you meet, and for them to be the same way with you. That's how people get to know each other beyond the surface, and it's how trust is built. Chemistry is important, but it has to be mutual. You will know it when you find it. Listen to what your therapist is saying because she's steering you in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: My son's girlfriend of five years and her 8-year-old daughter have been living with my son for the last four years. She has recently started introducing my husband and me as her daughter's "grandparents." Tonight she asked for details about my father so her daughter could include them in a paper she is writing about her "family." The daughter's father and his current wife had twins recently, and I understand from her mother that she is somewhat jealous.

I feel uncomfortable with this new description of our relationship, although I don't want to hurt the girl. Should I say something to my son's girlfriend or my son? -- FAMILY DETAILS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FAMILY DETAILS: The word from here is: Keep your lips zipped! If you object, it will cause only hard feelings. You say your son and his girlfriend have been living together for four years. If they should have a child together, do you plan to treat that child differently? Face it, you ARE in the role of a grandparent. My advice is to accept it graciously and act accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 57 and have been married for 25 years. My husband has retired and is ready for me to do the same. I enjoy my work, and I am delaying my retirement because he wants to move to another state.

Abby, all I can think about is how I will be forced to start all over with a new church, new doctors, new friends, etc. That's incredibly stressful for me, and I don't want to do it. It takes me a while to warm up to people, and I don't do it easily. To me, it would not be an exciting adventure.

I have told him I don't want to do this and why. He responds that if I want to visit my friends I can always "hop on a plane." He said he's tired of the cold and wants to move. All I can think about is having to sell our home, buy another one, learn a new area, make friends, find a new church. I have all of that here. Maybe he should be a snowbird? -- DON'T WANT TO START ANEW

DEAR DON'T WANT: If you and your husband can afford two places, perhaps you should both be snowbirds. It couldn't hurt to rent a place for a few months to see what life would be like in a new community. That's what I recommend to readers who contemplate making a drastic change -- such as relocation -- in their lives. If you do that, you might find that the "natives" are friendly and the community is congenial. However, if that's not the case, it could help you to avoid making a costly mistake.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has been divorced less than a year and is dating again. (She's the one who left the marriage.) However, she keeps many pictures of her ex-husband on her Facebook page. She says he was a big part of her life, and she refuses to take them down. She thinks if a guy can't accept it, then he isn't the right guy. Do you agree that she's sending the wrong message? -- TAKE THE PHOTOS DOWN

DEAR TAKE: Personally, I do. A picture is worth a thousand words, and what it shows those who see hers is that she hasn't emotionally let go of her ex-husband. However, if men date her after looking at her Facebook page and seeing his pictures posted there, it's working for her, and I can't offer a criticism. Because you can't stop her, I suggest you accept it.

DEAR ABBY: It's that time of year when you print your gift ideas for seniors column. When my dad was alive, he, like many others, was on a fixed income. Among his pleasures was watching ballgames and keeping up with current events. So I contacted his cable company and arranged to pay his cable bill for a period of time as a gift. This can be arranged for any increment of time to match the gifter's budget -- from one month to a year. It allowed Dad to enjoy his TV and have some extra spending money that would otherwise have gone to paying the cable bill. -- ROSEMARY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ROSEMARY: You are a good daughter. Thanks for sharing your idea. It's a thoughtful one, and I'm sure my readers will thank you for the suggestion.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem and no clue how to solve it. I teach in an international primary school in China, and was approached by the father of one of my students. I had given her a "C" in the class. Her father wanted me to change her grade to an "A." He felt that a "C" was too low a mark, even though I explained it was what she deserved.

While parents complaining about their children's marks is not uncommon, he offered me about $1,000 in local currency if I would change it. When I spoke about it to another teacher who has been here longer, he told me that bribery is very common in Asia. He did not mention whether he had ever accepted "gifts" like this.

What should I do? Accepting and not accepting this "gift" both have consequences. -- TEACHER IN CHINA

DEAR TEACHER: There is tremendous pressure on students in China to excel. What you have described may be common practice there, but that doesn't mean you must do it. If you accept the bribe, you will not only have violated your own principles, but may also make yourself vulnerable to blackmail in the future. Discuss this with the principal or director of the primary school, because if the school turns out incompetent graduates, eventually its reputation will suffer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl and on my way to Navy boot camp. I'm excited about my enlistment, but I have a few troubling distractions.

The first is my mother, "Dana." I moved in with my dad a year and a half ago, and it has been an amazing, positive change. But any contact I have with Dana or my grandmother screws me up majorly. I become mopey, have a bad attitude, and I'm just an all-around bad person to be around. This upsets my dad and my stepmom, "Ashley," whom I consider to be my true mom, because it affects them and my three sisters.

They say I need to forgive and let go, since obviously I won't get an apology from Dana for how she raised and treated me. What I need is advice on how to forgive and remove her from my life without hurting her feelings or making it worse at home. -- ON MY WAY TO BOOT CAMP

DEAR ON YOUR WAY: It isn't necessary to forgive a toxic parent. What you need to do is distance yourself from her, which will happen soon as you depart for boot camp. If being around Dana depresses you, see her as little as possible and don't feel guilty about it. Do not demand or expect an apology from her and don't offer one, because separating oneself from someone who mistreated you is healthy.

DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from a prestigious university. I am proud of having graduated from there, and I would like to put a bumper sticker of that university on my car. My father says I shouldn't do it because it will come across as pretentious.

While I understand where he's coming from, my pride for my alma mater is no different than that of many of my high school friends who went to various universities around the country. I'm not sure what to do and would appreciate your opinion. -- PROUD ALUM IN TEXAS

DEAR PROUD ALUM: I'm sure your father means well. However, if you would like to advertise the fact that you graduated from a prestigious university, go ahead and do so. You have earned the right, and no one should criticize you for it.