life

Self-Made Entrepreneur Enjoys New-Found Popularity in Bed

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I recently started seeing a self-made entrepreneur. He's intelligent, and basically the most amazing man I have ever been with.

Because of his position and stature, many beautiful and sophisticated women throw themselves at him. A friend of his told me that in the months that I've known him, he has had sex with at least five other women, several on the first date.

I'm not angry about it since we never formally agreed to be exclusive, but I'm in love with him and want him all to myself. When I confronted him, he said that because he never had success with women previously, he is prone to seduction. He said they didn't mean anything to him and that he wants to be with me.

I have dropped the matter for now, but I'm still concerned. I have tried to step up my game in the bedroom, and I'm willing to do anything to stop him from looking elsewhere. How do I make him give up his harem? -- WILLING TO DO ANYTHING

DEAR WILLING TO DO ANYTHING: I wish you had more clearly defined what "prone to seduction" means. Was he saying that because years ago he had little success with women he is enjoying the attention?

While you may be willing to "do anything" to have him all to yourself, if this man craves variety and is trying to make up for lost time, there's nothing you can do to dissuade him. The two of you appear to be at very different places in your lives. If you want a man who is willing to have an exclusive relationship, you're going to have to look elsewhere.

Love & Dating
life

Fear of Failure Plagues Rise up Corporate Ladder

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 30th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I was just offered a HUGE promotion at my company. It will mean more than a 40 percent increase in pay, which is unheard of in my company, which has more than 10,000 employees. People in my department are not taking it well. Even my director did not congratulate me.

Taking on this new endeavor kind of scares me. I have had a tough year in my current position, and this new job is seriously tailored to me. My current manager -- who is new to the department -- feels this job was meant for me. She says I need a fresh start, and she has faith in me.

What's awkward is, the position involves working with some of the same people I worked with previously, although in a different capacity. Am I taking on too much? I know the team I will be working with, and I have a feeling I will love it. I'm just scared of setting myself up for failure. My boss and new manager are giving me a great opportunity, and I don't want to let anyone down. -- UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNSURE: If your boss and new manager didn't feel you were capable of taking on the new assignment, they could have offered the job to the numerous other people at the company. Your former director may not have congratulated you because he/she was jealous, so do not take the silence to heart.

As to your fear that you won't succeed, all you can do is give it your best and keep moving forward. If you do that, you won't let anybody down -- including yourself.

Work & School
life

Grandma Is Tired of Being a Good Sport and Chauffeur

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law have only one vehicle that is running. He works out of town, so he drives it, which leaves my daughter home all day without transportation.

Earlier in the school year, they signed up my granddaughter for after-school sports and she has to practice every day. Since my daughter has no way to take her, they expect me to pick up my granddaughter and bring her home. This means I have to wait for her for about an hour after I get off work, which delays me an hour or more getting home.

After working all day, I'm tired. I just want to get home and get all the things done that I need to do, so I can rest and get ready for work again the next day. I'm not sure what I should do. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated! -- TIRED AND USED

DEAR TIRED: This shouldn't be your responsibility. When your daughter and son-in-law signed up the child for sports, they should have thought it through. Rather than impose upon you, perhaps they should ask the parents of other children in the program if your granddaughter could ride along.

If that's not feasible, consider this: You stated that your son-in-law drives the only running vehicle, which leads me to believe they have another one that's broken down. Could you loan or give them money to put it in working condition? If so, you would be off the hook.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Apartment Manager Balks at Baby-Sitting Elderly Tenants

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm the manager of a medium-sized apartment building with several older tenants. As these tenants get older, their needs become greater. When it's time for the children and family to step in, not ALL do. Some think -- and have actually told me -- that giving the manager $20 at Christmas will ensure that Mom/Dad gets to the grocery store, bank and doctor, and the bills are paid all year.

Abby, this is not my family, and I do not feel obligated to take them to run their errands. Their children then tell me, "What am I supposed to do? I don't have time," etc., and I reply that it's their responsibility, not mine.

Is there a legal means to make them take care of their own? Threatening to have them charged with elder abuse doesn't always work. -- NOT A DAY CARE OR RETIREMENT HOME

DEAR NOT A DAY CARE: If you're feeling charitable, make a list of various resources for seniors in your community and offer the information to the "children." Further, neglecting a vulnerable, elderly parent is considered elder abuse, and if that's what's going on, you shouldn't "threaten." You should report it to your county adult protective services office.

Family & ParentingHealth & SafetyWork & School
life

Man Won't Stay Away After Breaking Long Engagement

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 29th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged to a man for seven years. Two weeks after we celebrated our seventh anniversary, he decided he didn't love me anymore. We parted a year ago, but he has been texting me, picking me up from work and taking me to lunch or dinner quite a lot lately. We spent one night together, but since then, he hasn't contacted me. What should I do? -- TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT IN HAWAII

DEAR TRYING: Recognize that your former fiance has the sensitivity of a rock. Accept that a rewarding relationship with him is not in the cards, move on and stop looking back.

Love & Dating
life

Unworkable Living Arrangement Weighs Heavily on Young Man

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 28th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Earlier this year I moved away from home to move in with my boyfriend. We had been dating for more than a year and were close enough we could see each other whenever our schedules allowed. However, over the last few months I have been second-guessing that decision. I'm noticing things that I realize won't work.

To make matters more complicated, I met a girl who quickly became a good friend three months ago. She has inspired -- and in some ways pushed -- me to go back to college and improve my life. I find myself falling for her. The thing is, she just started dating someone, and I would never betray my partner by being unfaithful.

I don't know what to do. I can see my relationship with my boyfriend is not going to work out, and I know I'm not going to violate my female friend's relationship either. How does someone end a relationship when they live together? And how do I deal with the fear that I'll be miserable being on my own again, and the guilt of breaking my partner's heart? -- MIXED-UP GUY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MIXED-UP GUY: The first thing you need to do is recognize that being unencumbered can be a positive thing, particularly if you are not happy or satisfied with the relationship you are in. The adage "When a door closes, another one opens" is usually true.

Start looking around for alternative living arrangements, and when you find something that will work for you, explain to your boyfriend that you need to "make some changes." It's better for both of you than living a lie.

As to your relationship with the young woman, whether she stays with the person she's dating is something neither of us can predict. When you are single, she may become available. Or, you may meet someone else and start a relationship. Don't be afraid. These are the things that make life interesting.

Love & DatingSex & GenderFriends & Neighbors
life

Mom-to-Be Wants New Traditions for Her New Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 28th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together six years. This Christmas will be our second year as a married couple. On Christmas morning, my husband goes over to his parents' house to open gifts with his siblings. They are all adults; the oldest two are almost 40. (Both are single.) I'm not invited and have never been invited to their home, despite living five minutes away, because his mother is a hoarder.

We are expecting our first child in April. My husband works in law enforcement and is typically not off the entire day on Christmas. He calls me selfish and accuses me of trying to ruin their family tradition when I tell him this needs to end. I do not appreciate my husband taking off on me for four hours every Christmas morning. I want us to start our own traditions. Am I wrong? -- WANTS OUR OWN TRADITIONS

DEAR WANTS: Be thankful you have never been invited to your MIL's home because from your description, the experience wouldn't be pleasant.

Since you and your husband are starting a family now, I see nothing wrong with wanting to start some traditions of your own. However, it doesn't have to be an either/or situation. A way to do that without causing WWIII would be to suggest alternating the Christmas mornings he spends at his parents' house, or schedule your gift exchange for a time when your husband can be with you. Once the baby arrives, holiday plans are bound to change.

Holidays & CelebrationsMarriage & DivorceFamily & ParentingMental Health

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