DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to a wonderful man I have been with for five years. We plan to get married as soon as his house sells and we can move into another home as a family. He has three children; I have four. Our kids get along well enough, and no serious parenting issues have come up yet.

My concern is, he and his ex-wife haven't immunized their kids. I have. All four of my children are up to date with their shots. We have agreed to disagree on this subject.

With the kids living together under the same roof, is there anything I should worry about as far as kids getting sick? I have read somewhere that it isn't good to have kids who are immunized around those who aren't. Truth? -- WANTS THE FACTS IN INDIANA

DEAR WANTS THE FACTS: Have you discussed this with their doctors? If you go online and visit vaccines.gov, you will find a complete explanation of why vaccinations are so important and why parents should ensure that their children receive the optimum dose, which may involve two or more shots.

According to the Food and Drug Administration: "For reasons related to the individual, not all vaccinated persons develop immunity. Most routine childhood vaccines are effective for 85 to 95 percent of recipients." If your children happen to fall into the unfortunate 5 to 15 percent category of recipients who haven't developed full immunity, then you should be concerned.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a wonderful lady, but I'm having a hard time with how she is around my children. She is extremely obsessive over giving them baths, changing their diapers and, basically, just seeing them naked.

I have talked with my husband about it because I don't think it's appropriate. I want to discuss this with her, but he thinks it's no big deal because this is "just the way she is." How can I convey the seriousness of this issue? Or am I overreacting? -- JUST THE WAY SHE IS

DEAR JUST: I don't know your mother-in-law, so I can't judge her motivations. She was a mother before she became a grandmother, and it may be perfectly innocent. However, if something is going on that makes you uneasy, you must remember that, as your children's mother, you have a responsibility to put a stop to anything you do not feel is appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a brother, "Tom," who is 10 years younger. He recently returned from college and is living with my in-laws. Tom has visited us a few times since his arrival. When he comes over, he doesn't bother to ring the doorbell or knock; he simply lets himself in.

I don't appreciate the lack of privacy in my own home. People should at least knock or yell hello from the doorway before barging in. When I told my husband it bothered me, he got upset and defensive and accused me of "picking on" his family. Am I making too much of this? -- DING DONG IN TEXAS

DEAR DING DONG: No, you're not. You didn't mention how long you and your husband have been married, but your home is not a bachelor pad that people drift in and out of. You are entitled to some privacy, and time to cover up if you are in a state of undress. That people ring the bell, knock on the door or yell to announce their presence is not too much to ask. In fact, it's considered good manners.

P.S. Keeping the door locked could help solve the problem.

DEAR ABBY: With the holiday shopping season already here, may I suggest another way to look at gift giving? We all want to give the perfect gift to family members. Some gifts can cost a lot of money and some not. I would like people to take a step back and consider who they are buying for.

I stopped buying gifts for my parents and sister 10 years ago. Because their money is tight, I have been stocking their pantries with food and staples. I am well off enough financially that I have been able to fill their freezers with enough meat to last three months or more.

At Thanksgiving, my husband and I load up our car and bring the meat with us. Then my mom, sister, grandma and I go to the grocery store and buy staples for the pantry and what we need to make freezer meals. Abby, this takes so much pressure off them.

Food is expensive. So instead of buying Dad that new TV or sound system, or your sister that designer handbag, pause and take a hard look at their situation. Sometimes the need for basics outweighs the desire for the latest and greatest gadgets. Even paying a bill or two can help. Or gift cards for groceries.

I never expect presents from my family; all I want is for them to have some freedom in their lives from the daily worries. -- NEW WAY OF GIFTING

DEAR NEW WAY: I'm pleased to share your letter with readers who may be wondering what to give their relatives at Christmas. And I'm sure that your generosity is deeply appreciated by your family. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been dining out with another couple about twice a month. We have not been able to entertain them at our home because it is not easily accessible and the man is in a wheelchair. Over the past several months his health has declined. His mind is sharp, but his body is weakening.

The last time we met them for dinner, we couldn't understand what he was saying, so his wife "interpreted." Also, when he tries to eat, the food falls out of his mouth onto a bib and from there to the floor.

Abby, we just don't know what to do. We really like this couple, but it is nauseating to watch him eat with food falling out of his mouth. Plus, the other patrons at the restaurants are starting to stare. We look forward to your advice. -- PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO STARE

DEAR PEOPLE: If this couple ever needed understanding friends, it's now. Because you are embarrassed to be seen with them in a restaurant, consider bringing a take-out meal to their home. Granted, watching your friend struggle is painful. But if he's going downhill as rapidly as you say, he needs your support more than ever, and so does his wife. And when he's gone, you'll know you did the right thing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 9-year-old girl in third grade. I have problems making friends. Girls my age and older don't like me much. Boys my age and older seem to be fine.

It's important I get help in making girl friends. I have three hopeless brothers I really don't like. My mom said I should tell you what I do like -- math, science, dolls and TV. I have crazy hair.

Did you have this problem when you were my age? I think people think I'm weird. -- YOUNG READER IN KOKOMO, IND.

DEAR YOUNG READER: Your mother is a smart woman. She knows how important common interests can be in forming relationships. Because you like math, science, dolls and TV, gravitate toward girls who like them, too. If you do, you may find that some of them are receptive. Remember -- all you really need is one friend you can confide in.

As to the rest of your question, at your age I wasn't part of the popular crowd. I was shy and terrible at sports, so I spent many hours alone in my room reading books. They kept me company and widened my horizons beyond my immediate neighborhood. People at my grammar school probably thought I was weird, too, but many people who become successful as adults start out that way.

You and I have something else in common. I was self-conscious about my hair, too. It was curly and hard to handle because I hadn't yet learned to style it. But as I grew older, I learned to manage it -- as I'm sure you will. And when I reached my mid-teens I found it easier to make female friends. A valuable lesson I learned was to BE a friend when someone needs one, and to practice character traits I admired in others, such as kindness and honesty.

DEAR ABBY: What should I do about my mother-in-law, who has been bumming money from churches for more than 20 years from Ohio to Florida, even taking trips across the country taking money along the way?

I have contacted every church in our area. But they still give her money, which she blows mostly at casinos and on her non-working boyfriend. I will no longer have anything to do with them, which of course is hard on my wife. Please advise. -- OHIO READER

DEAR READER: If you have contacted the clergy in your area about your mother-in-law's scam and they still give her money, you have done everything you can. Because you no longer want anything to do with her and her deadbeat boyfriend, tell your wife she should see them without you. You have my permission.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without my sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY