DEAR ABBY: I'm 42, and the mother of three children. I love my kids, but after many years of wanting to do something about my "mommy belly," I decided to have a tummy tuck.

As a woman of color, my preference was for a sculpted, curvy shape. For aesthetic reasons, I liked the work being done in a certain foreign country. That it was cheaper there was an added plus. After months of researching, I settled on a board-certified doctor. His before and after pictures were great, and I was told that he and the clinic had a "zero percent infection rate."

Two weeks after I returned home, things quickly went bad. Fluid drained from my tummy tuck and belly button incisions. A local plastic surgeon sent me immediately to an emergency room.

At the ER, my fever was 102 and I was admitted to the hospital, where I was diagnosed with mycobacterium abscessus infection. I was hospitalized for 11 days and had surgery to manually clear the infection from my abdomen. I was sent home with a PICC line so I could continue receiving my IV meds at home.

Two months after my elective surgery, I cannot stand up straight due to the pain. The experience has been awful, and it's still far from over. I'm still on IV antibiotics, have daily nursing visits, multiple visits to the ER and have had multiple surgeries.

I won't be able to work for three to six months, and my medical bills are over $100,000. (Thank goodness I have health insurance!) The side effects of the meds I'm on are nausea, diarrhea, lack of appetite and drowsiness.

It's hard for me to take care of myself or my children. I feel guilty about the pain I'm causing my family, and I'm so depressed I don't like going places and have withdrawn from those closest to me.

I know infections are a risk with any surgical procedure and this could have happened in America, but the fact is, this infection is known to be caused by poor sterilization in the OR, and this should have been avoidable if the proper sterilization procedures were followed.

When I contacted the doctor who did my surgery, he denied that I got it from him. He offered to repair any cosmetic damage, but I'd be crazy to go back there for additional procedures. He's in no way accountable, and the system over there promotes that. As an American, I have no recourse. I'm just stuck here suffering.

I know others may have had wonderful experiences, but I want to shed light on life after surgery abroad that went wrong. I also want to encourage others to make sure they plan for the worst-case scenario: Consider who will provide extended care to your kids during periods of hospitalization, how you will pay your astronomical medical bills, and whether you can afford living on reduced or no income for the duration of treatment, which can be several months.

Thanks for printing this, Abby. -- LESSON LEARNED

DEAR LESSON LEARNED: Wow. I'm very sorry you learned all this the hard way. I hope your experience will alert readers to the fact that there's risk involved when considering surgery in countries where the regulation of hospitals and surgical facilities may not be up to American standards.

DEAR ABBY: In less than a month, I am being married to my same-sex partner of 4 1/2 years. My brother and I spend time together at least once a month -- if not more -- and he has always given me time with my nephews. Our conversations tend to be centered around lighthearted subjects and the occasional funny joke on our parents. Unfortunately, having heart-to-hearts has not worked well for us. He's five years older and very religious.

I have been out to my brother since I was 19, and the conversation didn't go well. He is refusing to come to my wedding, and I see this as the beginning of my having to choose my partner over him and my nephews.

Of course, I will want to spend Christmas with my wife -- which will mean that instead of being a family together, I will no longer have Christmas with my nephews. Any advice for a way to approach him, or to be at peace with the future of my family? -- SAD SISTER

DEAR SAD SISTER: It's time to have another heart-to-heart talk with your brother. He has known about your sexual orientation, and yet you are still a part of his sons' lives. Does he plan for that to change after your wedding? He may not, but if you ask that question, at least you will know where you and your fiancee stand.

Because he doesn't plan to attend the wedding doesn't necessarily mean that you will be excluded from the family. However, if it does, I am sure you, like many other people, will find others who are willing to give you the emotional support you need. The loss should rightly be your brother's, not your own.

DEAR ABBY: I've been thinking about dating a good friend I have known for five years. We're highly compatible, have similar likes and dislikes, can easily work out any dispute we might have, and I seem to be the only one in our group who can tolerate his antics (all of which are harmless). We spend countless hours together and yet still wish for more time.

It's been like this since the beginning. We've known we'd make a cute couple since 2014. The problem is, we are oblivious to any advances the other might make (if he's even made any), so subtlety is out the window.

I'm not even sure if I want to drop the ball on this or not. He's a fantastic guy. I could see myself with him, but I don't want to mess up our friendship. Neither of us has been in a romantic relationship before or had our first kiss, and we're both 19.

What would be my first move or what should I say? Or should I just wait it out and see what happens? -- WHO MAKES THE FIRST MOVE?

DEAR WHO: This is the 21st century. Many women make the first move. The next time you spend time alone with him, ask him if it would be all right if you gave him a kiss. Don't jump him -- just give him a sweet, innocent kiss, and then see what happens.

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired airline employee, and I get passes for my friends and family. I recently provided first-class-eligible round-trip passes from San Diego to Paris to my best friend and her friend. (The fare would have cost them thousands of dollars retail.) The only thing I asked in return was to pick me up a menu, a print or something small that could be packed easily.

They were in Paris for a month, Abby, and they totally forgot me. I am so hurt. Sometimes I want to call them and tell them how I feel. Then I think it wouldn't be a good idea. Frankly, I am angry. What is the best way to handle this? -- UP IN THE AIR

DEAR UP IN THE AIR: I don't blame you for being angry about the thoughtlessness and ingratitude they displayed. Your feelings are justified, and you should clear the air by explaining that you were hurt. You have every right to tell your friend how you feel. And the next time you are asked to give them a free ride, you have every right to just say "non."

DEAR ABBY: I'm hoping you can guide me on how to handle a sticky situation with my neighbors.

My 9-year-old son has befriended a kid his age. The boy is nice and I don't mind him coming over. However, he has a younger brother the parents always send with him, and the boy is very hyper and aggressive. I work full time as a behavior specialist and deal with hyperactive children all day. The last thing I want when I come home is a hyper child I cannot parent.

My son recently invited his friend to sleep over, and the parents sent both boys. How do I let them know that sometimes just the older brother is welcome without hurting their feelings? -- NOT WANTING TO OFFEND

DEAR NOT WANTING: Hurting their feelings? The parents are using your invitations to the older boy as a baby-sitting opportunity for the younger one. I don't think it would be rude to tell them you can handle only one child at a time, and to please refrain from sending the little brother to your home unless he is specifically invited.

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with trust in my relationships. I haven't found a faithful man in any of the relationships I've had in the last five years, and it has made me gun shy. Now, each time I try to date, I look for any small indication that he could be cheating, which leads to jealousy and drives men away.

How do I learn to trust again? Should I delete all social media? Should I just stop trying to date altogether? I am so frustrated and tired of getting hurt. -- WOUNDED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WOUNDED: Putting ourselves out there is risky. There can be many disappointments before a person finds the right match. (Men also become frustrated and gun shy.)

Your luck might improve if you become serious less quickly and let relationships evolve without looking for commitment or signs of betrayal. If a man acts responsibly, does what he says he will and treats you with respect, give him the benefit of the doubt and the chances are your luck may change. If you're unable to do this, some sessions with a licensed professional counselor may help.