DEAR ABBY: I'm a divorced and remarried mother of two adult children. Both live on their own and have decent jobs. After the divorce, I managed to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and provide college for my children. My ex-husband, their father, sporadically paid child support, which resulted in an arrearage owed for the past nine years.

Recently, I received a substantial sum of the balance I was owed for back child support. My dilemma is that my children feel that because their father is having financial problems (finances were always his issue), I should give the money back to him because I am financially secure.

Abby, they are ignoring everything I had to do to support them while they were still dependents and my responsibility. Add into that their health care, extracurricular activities, Christmases and birthdays, etc., when he said he didn't have money.

I feel I have every right to keep the money. I have told this to my kids, but they are mad at me because I can't seem to get the message across. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated. -- FLUSTERED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLUSTERED: You were divorced from this man for good reason. Your responsibility to him ended when the divorce was finalized. What you have received for shouldering the entire responsibility for raising your children is yours and yours alone. Do not apologize to anyone for what you prefer to do with the money. And for your sake, please don't allow yourself be trapped or guilted into doing anything against your better judgment.

DEAR ABBY: I love my sister. She's well-educated, intelligent and fun, but she has let herself go. We are both in our 60s and, unfortunately, those pesky whiskers are starting to appear on our faces. She recently had surgery and when I visited her, I noticed a lot of hairs sprouting from her chin. I offered to pluck them or take her to a spa and have them removed when she had a facial. She refused!

My friends and I have made a pact to pluck each other's whiskers if we are ever in a hospital and can't do it ourselves. Should I just let it go or, the next time I see her, remind her that many people would be put off if they saw her? Or is it just me? -- WHISKERLESS SISTER

DEAR WHISKERLESS: It's not "just you." Depilatories are popular because most American women wouldn't want to be caught dead with obvious facial hair.

Your letter brought back memories, one of which was my mother telling me that her first executive assistant, Katie, had made Mama promise that in the event of Katie's demise, Mama would bring a razor to the viewing and, while standing at the casket, "whisk" off her mustache so no one would see it.

Not knowing your sister, I can't say whether she was in so much pain from her surgery that she didn't want to add to it by being plucked. Talk to her again when she's feeling better and she may offer up her chin. If not, love her the way she is -- fur and all -- because she's happy that way.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in college, blessed to have an internship in the office of a nonprofit organization. As time goes by, and as trust is built, I am being given more responsibilities. One of them is writing letters for various purposes -- thank-you letters, invitations, congratulatory letters, etc.

When I was in high school, I was never taught the format for how to write these kinds of letters. I get confused about spacing and how to address people with titles. It's a shame that technology has left my generation so clueless on how to do important stuff. Is there a resource for letter writing available from you? I need it because I feel awkward always having to ask other staff members. -- CLUELESS INTERN IN ALGONQUIN, ILL.

DEAR INTERN: Judging from the high volume of mail I receive, letter composition is something that many people besides you struggle with. I publish a booklet called "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," and among the topics it covers are how to address a senator, member of Congress, clergyperson, etc. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Keep it in your desk drawer and dip into it as needed. My letters booklet also contains helpful suggestions for writing letters of congratulations, and letters about difficult subjects to address, such as letters of condolence for the loss of a parent, spouse or child, as well as warm thank-you notes for birthday, shower, wedding and holiday gifts.

My letters booklet provides an assist for anyone who needs a quick and easy tutorial. It has also proven to be particularly helpful for parents to use as a way to easily teach children how to write using proper etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. I love him deeply, but I have lied to him about certain things. I feel guilty about it, but I can't bring myself to tell him the truth because he has a temper.

One lie I told was that I was laid off from my previous job, but I really quit. He didn't want me quitting, but I did it for my own good. I was having a nervous breakdown, and all I felt were negative thoughts when I worked there. Although I found a better job months later, I never summoned up the courage to tell him the truth.

We don't live together. I'm 24 and he's 26. Do you think this lack of communication is a reason to break up, or am I being too sensitive about his temper? He doesn't abuse me, but he won't talk to me if he doesn't have things his way. -- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: I'm glad you're not living together because if you were, your problem would have serious ramifications. Your boyfriend may not be physically abusive, but he IS controlling. Subjecting you to the silent treatment is emotionally abusive, and so was deciding "for" you that you should remain at a job that's stressful and unpleasant.

You may love this man deeply, but from my perspective the relationship isn't a healthy one. If you want to end it, you are justified.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother and son live with me. We are all adults, so we don't need to ask each other's permission before one of us leaves the house. Out of courtesy, I let them know where I'm going, who I'll be with, and if I am likely to be out late. When I'm out, if I realize that I'll be gone later than I thought, I text them. To me, this is common courtesy.

My brother and son say goodbye when they leave, but rarely volunteer any information about their plans. I hate to ask, because they are adults and it's none of my business, but it just seems rude. I'm often startled when they come home late and I am awakened, until I know it's them and not someone breaking in. If I wake up and they aren't home, I worry. Am I right to expect them to tell me where they are going and if they will be late? -- ANNOYED SISTER

DEAR ANNOYED: To expect to be told where your older brother and adult son are going and with whom seems like a lot of information to demand. However, being informed what time they will be back so you won't think someone is breaking in not only would be thoughtful but also practical.

DEAR ABBY: I suffer from severe seasonal allergies. I have watery eyes and sneeze during January and February every year. I went to an allergist last winter, but he couldn't do much for me.

As I struggle to get through my days as quietly as possible, every sneeze seemingly elicits a "God bless you" from some stranger. If I'm unable to acknowledge it, I often get a "Well, thank you!" or some other show of indignation.

Abby, I don't need "blessings." Calling attention to my difficulties, frankly, just annoys and embarrasses me. I am trying the best I can to be quiet and avoid disruption. Can you please ask your many readers to end this ancient, silly convention and let those of us with allergies suffer in peace? -- ATCHOO IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ATCHOO: No. The "God bless you" convention originated in the Middle Ages. People thought that when someone sneezed the soul left the body for a minute, and would be snatched by the devil if someone didn't say "God bless you." Those who say it today may be doing it because it has become a conditioned reflex, or to be polite. Accept the kind gesture and kwitchurbitchin.

DEAR ABBY: After becoming engaged recently, I was excited to ask my best friend to be my bridesmaid. However, her husband can't stand the thought of her getting dolled up and walking down the aisle after the ceremony with another man.

I want to be respectful, but this just seems over the top. Their daughters will be flower girls. I don't understand why this is an issue. Would it be best for her to just attend the wedding? This is breaking my heart. What's a bride to do? -- RESPECTFUL IN KENTUCKY

DEAR RESPECTFUL: Your friend's husband appears to be insecure and controlling. Your next move should be to ask your friend how she plans to handle this -- so that she and the girls can be replaced if necessary.