DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ian" for seven months. We met at work, and my friends convinced me to go out with him. I thought he was a nice guy, just shy. Now that we've been dating, I realize that's not the case.

Ian plays video games A LOT. They consume his life. He gets so aggravated that he slams buttons and curses incessantly. My nerves can't handle hearing it. I have anxiety issues, and when he does it, I nearly have a panic attack. When I tell him it's just a game, he won't listen.

He is also critical of me. It's mostly about my weight, but he also tells me I'm horrible and stupid. He complains about the way I play video games, my cooking, etc. Sometimes he loses his temper and snaps at me. He has slapped me a few times.

He's never intimate with me, but I know he's straight because he watches porn when he thinks I'm asleep. We pretty much lead separate lives, but he talks about us getting our own place. We no longer work at the same company. I have a part-time job and go to school full time, but he won't even look for a job.

Part of me wants to end it. But this is my first real relationship, and I'm not sure if I can do any better. Help! -- CONFLICTED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: End it NOW! You are looking at this the wrong way. From where I sit, it would be practically impossible for you to have a worse relationship than this one. Ian is immature, emotionally and physically abusive and unemployed. Men who care about women don't treat them the way he treats you.

Ian should not move anywhere with you. If he does, you will have a heck of a time getting this freeloader out. Not only that, you won't be able to find anyone else because it will appear that you're already "involved."

DEAR ABBY: I hear people all around me talk about their grandkids and the great times they have. I have grandkids, too, but I don't know how to be a grandmother. My mother didn't have the skill, and I don't know what to do.

I'm in my early 50s, and I'm trying to do things now that I didn't get to do when I was young. I raised my kids. Am I supposed to spend all my time with them? I'm not sure I even want to. Does that make me selfish? -- LOST GRANDMA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOST GRANDMA: You don't have to spend "all" your time with your grandchildren. You should, however, see them every few weeks if possible so you can get to know each other.

Because you're not sure how to do that, ask their parents and some of your friends for suggestions on how to entertain them. It could be as simple as taking them to a movie, attending some of their school or sporting events, baking cookies together or taking them to a park during an afternoon.

DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to drop off a 1- and a 5-year-old at a senior assisted-living center for their great-grandmother to baby-sit in her room? My niece does this weekly, claiming she's giving my mother "quality time" with her great-grandchildren.

My mother is in the assisted-living center due to issues my dad is encountering. She's very independent and, of course, wants to help any of her family whenever she can. But Mom has an autoimmune disease that flares up with stress or when she gets tired. I'm concerned about her health and feel my niece is taking advantage of her. Of course, my sister sides with her daughter. They have told me to butt out.

I don't want to confront the management of the facility because I want Mom to feel as independent as possible there. I don't want them to not allow her to do something she really wants to do. I have safety concerns, though, and feel this is not right. What do you think? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: I'm not sure what your safety concerns are, but if you think the assisted-living center could be legally liable, you should address them to the manager.

As to the baby-sitting being too stressful or tiring for your mother, leave it up to her to decide if it's too much. Some seniors find that feeling needed keeps them young. The way to gauge any negative impact on your mother's health would be if it causes a flare-up of her condition -- at which point her doctor should be notified so he/she can put a stop to it.

DEAR ABBY: Are parents of the bride required to foot the cost of the wedding (averaging over $25,000 in the U.S. nowadays) anymore? I understand they were years ago, when it was a part of her dowry, but in modern times I have heard of such a thing only in your column -- unless the family is rich and Daddy pays for everything.

I can't imagine asking my parents to pay for my wedding. My fiance and I are aiming for -- dress included -- $1,000 or less. Are parents actually expected to spend thousands on their daughter's wedding? It's their daughter and son-in-law who want it. -- JUST ASKING IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR JUST ASKING: No. A wedding is a gift, and while it would be generous for the parents to pitch in, there is no requirement that they do so.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

The question now that really vexes

Is where we're gonna place our "X"es.

Voting, folks, should not upset ya --

Be glad we're livin' where they let ya.

XO, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: It has been two years, and I haven't been able to get over my first love. I just graduated from high school and I'll soon be 18, but I still can't get used to the idea that he's gone. When we broke up, he made me feel like dirt.

We had been a couple since my freshman year, and he dumped me at the beginning of my junior year because I didn't want to give him my virginity. Later I discovered he had been cheating on me with my best friend. Please help. -- CAN'T MOVE ON

DEAR CAN'T MOVE ON: Why did you allow him to make you feel like "dirt"? Be glad you didn't have sex with him. If you HAD, he would probably have cheated on you anyway.

You have your whole life ahead of you. Please don't waste one more second of it looking over your shoulder and pining for someone who would punish you for hanging onto your values. You did the right thing, and you should have no regrets.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 7-year-old son who seems to be growing up faster than I would like at times. With today's music, video games, TV and movies, there are some things regarding sex I can't prevent him from seeing or learning if I haven't screened the contents.

I realize my son knows more than I would like for a child his age to know. Because of this, my husband thinks it's time to have the "birds and the bees" talk. I'm not ready to have that talk, and I don't believe my son is at an age to have this talk, either.

My husband is a psych major who never fails to remind me how knowledgeable he thinks he is as he tries to convince me that our son is ready. I know that one day my son will be curious about his body, but is now that time? Am I wrong in thinking he's too young? -- NOT READY IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR NOT READY: I don't know your son, how much adult material he has been exposed to or how mature he is for his age. But I believe the "birds and bees" talk should be an ongoing dialogue rather than one speech.

Children should know the correct terms for their body parts, and what "private" means so they can communicate effectively. I don't think it's harmful for children to know where puppies, kittens and baby birds come from. In another conversation, they should know what "pregnant" means.

Your son should also know that if he has ANY questions, he can come to you and his father and get straight answers. The question, "How does the baby get there?" will probably come in another year or two. And when it is asked, he should be answered in a straightforward manner.