DEAR ABBY: After 19 years of marriage, my mother divorced my father to be with my stepfather. They have been together for 40 years now. The problem is, Mom can't go more than three days without talking about my father or his family. It's like my stepsiblings grew up with a "ghost" stepdad because of the constant stories.

I have tried dropping subtle hints to my mother, such as, "That was 48 years ago. Why are you still holding onto that?" Nothing stops her. She even talks about him to people she's just met. How can I get her to let go of the man SHE left, and understand that this must be an ongoing jab to her current husband's self-esteem? -- EMBARRASSED FOR MY STEPDAD

DEAR EMBARRASSED: That your mother feels compelled to do this even with strangers is peculiar, but neither you nor I can change her behavior. Unless you know for a fact that your stepfather has asked her not to do it, do not be embarrassed for him. His self-esteem may be strong enough that what she's saying doesn't bother him. Frankly, what she's doing is far more a reflection on her than upon him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old man. When I was in high school, I couldn't get a date. I'm not unattractive, and I wasn't even back then. But I was somewhat of a social outcast.

In recent years I have reconnected with several people I went to school with, and returned to my hometown for a short visit to show my kids where I grew up. Abby, I was overwhelmed with attention from women who wouldn't give me the time of day 25 years ago. I admit I like the change, but I'm uncomfortable that there has been such a dramatic shift in their view of me.

I'm not rich. I have a stable job, but haven't done much with my life other than leave the small rural town I was raised in. Now I am constantly contacted by women who used to never look in my direction, asking me if it's possible to become romantically involved.

Is this a case of the one that got away? Or is it a case of the grass is greener somewhere else, and I found a way to jump the fence? -- CONFOUNDED IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: Perhaps neither. As people mature, their values usually mature along with them. Or, like fine wine, you may have improved with age.

DEAR ABBY: Would you kindly inform your readers that there is nothing wrong with being the first person to go through a buffet line or be seated at the dinner table when dinner is called?

A hostess (or host) works hard to prepare a meal in a timely manner, and it seems impolite, almost rude, for guests to shuffle around waiting for someone else to go first. I'm pretty sure the hosts don't want to see their perfectly good meal sit on the table getting cold. There is no reward for going last, because the only thing that results from it is a frustrated host or hostess. -- EARLY BIRD IN OHIO

DEAR EARLY BIRD: At a dinner party in a private home, it is rude to ignore a host's request to be seated. For anyone who doesn't want to be the first at a buffet, the solution would be to say to your companions, "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. How about us getting in line?" It's better than having them listen to your stomach growl. But watch out for the stampede.

DEAR ABBY: At 26, I am about to move in with my girlfriend, "Candace." I love her so much, and I'm confident she's the one I want to marry. Candace has her 4-year-old daughter, "Michelle," with her most of the time we are together.

I'm confident that moving in together is the right decision, but living with Michelle makes me nervous. Although Michelle is smart and well-behaved, like most kids, she can be bratty and demand a lot of attention from Candace and me.

Candace has the utmost patience with Michelle, and I trust her ability as a parent. What I'm worried about is my own level of patience. I don't want kids anytime soon, and I get annoyed with Michelle a little too easily. What steps can I take to assure longevity in this relationship? -- YOUNG STEPPARENT

DEAR YOUNG STEPPARENT: Feeling as you do, I am not at all sure you should move in together. I'm surprised that a man who doesn't want kids anytime soon is so eager to enter into a living situation where that very thing is guaranteed. Before changing your living arrangements, consider signing up for parenting classes. They may not only give you insight into what to expect, but also how to handle situations that may arise.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and I have read your column for quite some time. I enjoy it and like to share and discuss some of the letters with my friends.

While I don't always agree with your answers, I always learn something new. I feel that this is the point of me reading your column. I do, however, have a problem with a teacher who feels I should not be reading "adult material" in the paper, and should concentrate on more "age appropriate" things.

Would you please give me advice on what to do or say to my teacher to make her understand this is not inappropriate material for a kid my age to be reading? I would really appreciate it, and I'll do whatever you say. -- WAYNE IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAYNE: My column has a readership that spans all ages. I know that because I receive letters from individuals from 9 to 90.

Your parents should decide what reading material is appropriate for you -- not your teacher, as well-meaning as she may be. When I was growing up, no literature in our home was off limits to me or my brother, and any questions we asked received straightforward answers. I hope it's the same for you, because children learn their family's values through frank and open communication.

DEAR READERS: It's time for my annual reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday -- so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before bedtime.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, a young Thai adult, is socially immature. Her mother and I are American citizens, and we recently brought her to the U.S. on a tourist visa to expose her to Western culture. While she was there, a suitor -- who is nearly 40, divorced, with two small kids -- manipulated her. After she returned to Thailand, she continued communicating with him on Facebook.

The guy flew to Thailand, secretly married her and left the country. He is now in the process of acquiring a spousal immigration visa, and we are desperately afraid of losing our daughter. We're not convinced that she's in love with him. We think she's just trying to escape her Tiger Mom, who insists on Thai culture, respect and adherence to family values.

We are considering appealing to the government requesting denial of the visa request. Your take? -- CONCERNED DAD IN THAILAND

DEAR CONCERNED DAD: What this man did is reprehensible. Because you don't know him, one has to wonder if anything he told your daughter about himself is true -- including his age, marital status and whether he is a parent.

Since you didn't mention your daughter's age or if she is old enough to consent to marriage, consulting a lawyer to help you navigate through government channels would be a good place to start. You have my sympathy, and I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with "Derek" for two months. We're both 14, and had an on-and-off friendship before it started.

Derek has a history of mental illness (including depression and anxiety). Lately, he has started talking about things like college plans and even marriage. He flatters me nonstop and says repeatedly how "perfect" and "goddess-like" I am, completely degrading himself in the process. He says he is "weak, stupid and ugly" compared to me.

I'm afraid to dump him because Derek has attempted suicide several times in the past and has hinted at doing it again if I do. I can't say the words to him with that hanging over me.

His parents are unreachable, and he's already on medication. Derek has refused counseling in the past. I'm really afraid, but I can't stand staying in this relationship much longer. Thoughts? ­- AFRAID IN OREGON

DEAR AFRAID: If you haven't spoken to your parents about Derek and his emotional blackmail, do it immediately. You are not responsible for his welfare -- his family is. Derek appears to be in need of more professional help than he is receiving. Encourage him to think about positive things like college, but tell him you are too young for any kind of permanent exclusive relationship. Period. Once your parents know what's going on, I'm sure they will back you up 100 percent.

DEAR ABBY: What exactly should one be doing while being serenaded with the birthday song? -- LAUREN, THE BIRTHDAY GIRL

DEAR LAUREN: SMILE!