DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Conflicted in California" (March 20), whose co-worker walks the "survivors' lap" in Relay for Life events. Her co-worker is what we call a "previvor," someone who took steps to lessen his or her chances of developing cancer. For other co-workers to belittle her for walking this lap is just plain mean. As a survivor, I have no problem with a previvor walking the lap. -- DIANE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR DIANE: In your letter, you made reference to "previvors." This is a term I was unfamiliar with. After doing some research, I found the following information on the site of Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered (FORCE). It reads:

"Cancer previvors are individuals who are survivors of a predisposition to cancer but haven't had the disease. The group includes people who carry a hereditary mutation, family history or some other predisposing factor. ... The term specifically applies to the portion of our community that has its own unique needs and concerns separate from the general population, but different from those already diagnosed with cancer."

Some of the letters my office received were vehemently against "Conflicted's" co-worker participating in the survivors' lap. Read on for more reader comments:

DEAR ABBY: The co-worker walking the survivor lap is a fraud. I am a two-time cancer survivor currently going through a round of chemotherapy. I call foul!

She had a genetic threat of cancer, but has not had it. She hasn't heard those horrible words confirming her worst fears. She hasn't felt the pain of a chemical cocktail shot into her veins, which can only be described as Drano mixed with napalm. She hasn't watched her hair fall out or seen her skin burned and charred from treatment. She chose elective surgery based on genetic markers.

If she wants to participate in Relay for Life, there is a caregiver lap and other activities she can participate in to honor her aunt and mother. She may have gone through pain and grief, but she is no survivor. -- SURVIVOR IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: It's sad that this has become a case of whose cancer was worse and a judgment of who can or should walk the lap. Just let her walk. It doesn't take away anything of value from anyone else. Relay for Life is an individual experience in a group environment.

I was once invited to walk the survivor lap and a "friend" came up and asked me point blank, "Why are you here? You only had thyroid cancer, not breast cancer!" I responded that I didn't realize cancer was a contest, and I walked the lap. -- LET IT BE

DEAR ABBY: How do I fight feelings of jealousy? I don't want to sulk over what other people have and I don't. I just want to live my life being unaffected by other people's riches, fertility and happiness. Any tips would be appreciated. -- JEALOUS IN COLORADO

DEAR JEALOUS: NOBODY has everything or a life that's completely problem-free. A way to minimize jealousy would be to be grateful for the positive things you DO have going for you. Quietly list them in your mind before going to sleep at night, and again in the morning before getting out of bed. If you do, it will set the tone for your day and help you to keep the green-eyed monster at bay.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 55-year-old woman, divorced for a year and a half. I was married twice before and have three grown children.

I own my own home, have a job I enjoy and a loving family. I do what I want when I want and how I want. I control the remote, the thermostat and my money. I have no desire for male companionship or a "social life," and can honestly say I have never felt happier or more content in my life.

I wonder why society places so much emphasis on men and women forming romantic relationships. I also wonder how much angst I could've saved myself, my former husbands and my children by realizing years ago that marriage is not for me. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that I will never meet a man whose company I enjoy more than my own.

I just want to tell your readers -- at least any who feel the same way I do -- to be happy with themselves and stop letting friends, relatives or society dictate to them how to feel or what to do. There's nothing wrong with an independent woman or man being, well, independent. These days I call myself ... EMANCIPATED AND HAPPY

DEAR EMANCIPATED AND HAPPY: If I had to guess why society places so much emphasis on marriage and romance, it would be because that's the way society perpetuates itself. After three divorces, it is not surprising that you are happier on your own.

I'm sure many people wish they were as independent and resilient as you. However, most people crave some degree of closeness and intimacy -- which may be why women and men search for romance. Today, more than half of adults in the United States are single. For those who are not "coupled up," I'm sure your message will be meaningful.

DEAR ABBY: I am the luncheon chairperson for a large fundraiser that will be held in six weeks. I know my question is one shared by many. How can a brilliant person be advised to keep his remarks short and not like he's preaching to the choir without seeming rude? -- DOESN'T WANT TO OFFEND

DEAR DOESN'T WANT TO OFFEND: Here's how. Run your event like a commanding general. Tell all your speechmakers and honorees how much time they are allotted. Insist they submit their remarks in enough time before the event that you can review the length -- and keep "reminding" the speakers what time the event MUST end.

If you bravely and diligently do this, your event will be a hit. And you will be regarded as brilliant because not many people are courageous enough to be this assertive.

DEAR ABBY: What should a person do when their children and grandchildren don't like to talk on the phone, and text you only? -- LONELY GRANDMA IN L.A.

DEAR LONELY GRANDMA: Learn to text!

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my wife for 16 years. She has a grown daughter who's the mother of eight kids, but she only has five with her at this time.

My problem is, the daughter got evicted, and all of a sudden she brought her belongings to the house. She didn't ask or anything, she just showed up with the five kids and they are driving me up the wall. I already have two adolescent kids, so seven ain't heaven.

I have tried to talk with my wife, but she doesn't listen. I'm fed up, Abby, and I'm looking for other accommodations. They have been here for two weeks and -- by the way -- my sons are now in school while her five are running wild in the house. Am I wrong for leaving? -- NEEDS MY OWN SPACE

DEAR NEEDS: Not in my book. Your mistake was in letting your wife's daughter's eviction become your problem. I don't know whose name is on the lease or title to your place, but it's time to discuss this with an attorney. If you don't, you may have more trouble getting the woman and her brood out of there in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My friend whom I have known since we were 8-year-olds (we're now in our 50s) is driving me bonkers. She has started drinking a lot and hanging out with younger people and dating younger guys. I have loaned her quite a bit of money because she can barely get by. I don't drink, and I hate seeing what she's doing to herself. I think she is having trouble with the aging process.

She has now started to embarrass me when she drinks in public. She doesn't handle it well and relies on me to get her out of sticky situations. I'm really tired of all this. I have told her how I feel, but she knows I'll come to her rescue. -- TIRED GUARDIAN ANGEL

DEAR TIRED: Draw the line. Tell her you are her friend, but not her chaperone, and you will socialize with her only if she limits her intake to nonalcoholic beverages. One of the signs of alcoholism is when the drinking interferes with the drinker's relationships -- and clearly, this is what's happening. Do not allow her to continue making her drinking your problem because you cannot control it. Only she can do that.

DEAR ABBY: At holiday time, my husband's family takes a photo of all the brothers and sisters and insists that the spouses not be included in the photo. The first time it happened, I thought it was rude, but after 40 years, I have gotten used to it. However, my daughter-in-law, who is new to the family, was hurt by it. Am I wrong in thinking this is rude? -- IN OR OUT OF THE PICTURE

DEAR IN OR OUT: I don't think you're wrong. When people are excluded, they don't feel accepted as part of the family -- and they're right. Are more photos taken that include all family members including husbands, wives and children? And if not, why would the spouses tolerate it for 40 years without speaking up?