DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old college student and have had a job at the same retail store for two years. A few weeks ago, a mother walked in holding a baby that appeared to be about 6 months old. The first thing I noticed was that he had numerous bruises. There were pronounced bruises under both eyes, another large one on his temple, and several more visible on his arms and legs.

I have heard horror stories about parents whose infants have a medical condition that causes them to bruise easily, but the parents are accused of child abuse. This mother seemed attentive to her baby, and I saw nothing in her behavior to make me think her child was in any danger. I didn't say anything, but I keep wondering if I should have called the police or informed my manager.

I've been telling myself that there may have been an innocent explanation for the child's injuries, but I don't know if I screwed up. I didn't want to meddle, and now I'm worried the baby might be suffering because I didn't speak up. Any advice on what I should have done/should do in the future would be appreciated. -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN KANSAS

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Because you were unsure about what to do, you should have written down the woman's license number, if possible, and alerted the store manager so the matter could be handled according to store policy.

However, if no policy is in place, you could have contacted Childhelp.org for guidance. It offers prevention, intervention and treatment programs and has helped more than 10 million children at risk or in trouble. Childhelp.org has a national toll-free hotline: 800-422-4453.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for divorced parents paying for the rehearsal dinner for their son who is getting married? My ex-wife expects me to pay for a significantly bigger portion of the expenses, yet at the time of our divorce she insisted on splitting the assets 50/50.

My opinion is that because we are equal in the parenting, we should divide the expenses 50/50. I'm willing to concede to her some credit IF she does a significant amount of work and planning (over and above my own), but this should be negotiated ahead of time. We are both employed and have good incomes. We are both remarried and our spouses work. What's your take on this, Abby? -- RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE

DEAR DOWN THE MIDDLE: The parents of the groom traditionally bear the cost of the rehearsal dinner. Because you and your son's mother are divorced, she should pay for half -- unless there is such a disparity in your incomes that it would cause her financial stress. If your ex needs "credit," then by all means discuss it with her. This is a time to put aside old grievances and celebrate, if only for the sake of your son.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of the idea that when you have a decision to make and it's between your head and your heart, to choose your head? We are currently trying to find a place to live after my husband retires, and we are having a difficult time trying to decide on a house. It's tough to say no to a place that your heart loves. -- INDECISIVE IN NEW YORK

DEAR INDECISIVE: I'm sure it is. However, investing in a house is different than adopting a puppy. When making a decision that will have financial consequences -- such as buying a house -- you will have fewer regrets if you think with your head.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college student on the East Coast. A dear friend of mine who attends the same university goes home on break to the West Coast.

She was raped at a party. Over the summer break she found out she was pregnant and had an abortion. She's now suffering from some intense emotional and psychological problems and sees a campus therapist.

Abby, I want to be supportive, but I'm not sure how. I don't know what to say around her or how to keep her mind off it, or if I should. Can you help me? -- CONCERNED FRIEND

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: You are this young woman's friend. Let her know you are there for her. Treat her as you always have and talk about the things you always have with her. It is not your job to distract her from thinking about what happened to her.

If she wants to talk about it, be prepared to listen and sympathize. But if she needs more than that, remind her that she has a licensed therapist who is more qualified to help than you are, and encourage her to contact the person if something is dragging her down.

DEAR ABBY: I've had three different secretarial jobs over the last 10 years. At two of them something has happened, and I'm hoping you can help me deal with the situation.

While at my desk, I've had bosses who enter my office, come around to my side of the desk and stand very close to me. Sometimes they'll even start keying things into my computer -- all without asking. It feels like an invasion of my personal space.

I wouldn't do that to them. Why do they feel they can do this to me? Or am I making too much of the whole thing? Please help. -- SILENT SECRETARY IN TEXAS

DEAR SILENT: Different people have different boundaries when it comes to personal space. Because having someone come around your desk and stand close to you without permission makes you nervous, speak to your boss about it.

That someone would reach over you to type something into a document you are working on seems to me to be rude, but your employer may have been trying to add something or correct errors, and thought it would be a faster way of getting the job done than trying to explain it to you.

It might reassure you to discuss this with some of the other secretaries, ask if this is common and whether it bothers them, and let them advise you.

DEAR ABBY: I know food is often described as "finger-lickin' good," but I'm appalled at the number of people who literally do this at restaurants. Didn't they ever learn to use a napkin? What's next -- licking each other's fingers? Can you comment? -- MANNERLY OUT WEST

DEAR MANNERLY: I will ignore the temptation to give a naughty answer and offer a nugget of advice. Now that you know not everyone has table manners that measure up to your own -- or even most folks' -- do less people-watching in restaurants or eat at home.

DEAR ABBY: I have two wonderful children (28 and 30). Both are married and have great spouses.

Ever since I was a girl, I have dreamed of being a mother and a grandmother. My heartbreak is that neither of my children wants kids. Every time I hear that my sister or brother is becoming a grandparent again, my heart aches so bad I sit down and cry.

My husband says I need to accept it and move on. I have tried, but I'm so depressed right now I don't know what to do. I'm thankful my children found their soul mates and are doing very well. I just don't know how to get past this missing part of me. -- UNHAPPY IN COLORADO

DEAR UNHAPPY: Have you considered going online and researching volunteer opportunities to work with children or teens? While they wouldn't be related to you, it would give you an opportunity to make a significant difference in a child's life.

One organization that comes to mind is Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, which would give you the chance to be a mentor. Another program you might enjoy is Foster Grandparents, which is sponsored by the Corporation for National and Community Service.

Or call the hospitals in your area and ask if they need someone to come in on a regular basis to hold and rock premature infants and newborns. If you contact CASA for Children (casaforchildren.org), you could become a court-appointed advocate for abused and neglected children and teens, which may provide the emotional satisfaction you need.

I hope my suggestions will help you. However, if they don't, then you must accept that plans we make for ourselves when we are young don't always work out as we wish they would, and let them go.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for more than 30 years. It has been a very lonely marriage. I raised the kids alone while he worked and volunteered at the church and teen club.

I spent the first 10 years of our marriage nagging him to spend time with me and the kids, but he was always too busy "doing good." I tried a couple of times to participate in his life by camping with him and the teens, but the girls gossiping until 1 a.m. and the boys stick sword fighting at 5 a.m. left me exhausted and irritable. Plus, it didn't accomplish anything because he didn't spend any time with me and the kids, anyway. I finally gave up nagging and just concentrated on raising our three kids.

Our kids are now grown, although one still lives at home and attends college. I feel stuck because I don't have Biblical grounds for divorce. I'm only 50, so I'm looking at 30 more years of loneliness.

A couple of years ago, I found a really fun sport -- scuba diving. I've made some great friends, but this isn't something I'll be able to do for the next 30 years. Do you have any suggestions? -- LONELY IN THE WEST

DEAR LONELY: Not knowing to which religious denomination you belong, the best advice I can offer is for you to talk to your clergyperson about possible grounds for divorce within your religion. That you have been effectively emotionally deserted for decades by your husband might qualify. You have my sympathy.