DEAR ABBY: I am a college student on the East Coast. A dear friend of mine who attends the same university goes home on break to the West Coast.

She was raped at a party. Over the summer break she found out she was pregnant and had an abortion. She's now suffering from some intense emotional and psychological problems and sees a campus therapist.

Abby, I want to be supportive, but I'm not sure how. I don't know what to say around her or how to keep her mind off it, or if I should. Can you help me? -- CONCERNED FRIEND

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: You are this young woman's friend. Let her know you are there for her. Treat her as you always have and talk about the things you always have with her. It is not your job to distract her from thinking about what happened to her.

If she wants to talk about it, be prepared to listen and sympathize. But if she needs more than that, remind her that she has a licensed therapist who is more qualified to help than you are, and encourage her to contact the person if something is dragging her down.

DEAR ABBY: I've had three different secretarial jobs over the last 10 years. At two of them something has happened, and I'm hoping you can help me deal with the situation.

While at my desk, I've had bosses who enter my office, come around to my side of the desk and stand very close to me. Sometimes they'll even start keying things into my computer -- all without asking. It feels like an invasion of my personal space.

I wouldn't do that to them. Why do they feel they can do this to me? Or am I making too much of the whole thing? Please help. -- SILENT SECRETARY IN TEXAS

DEAR SILENT: Different people have different boundaries when it comes to personal space. Because having someone come around your desk and stand close to you without permission makes you nervous, speak to your boss about it.

That someone would reach over you to type something into a document you are working on seems to me to be rude, but your employer may have been trying to add something or correct errors, and thought it would be a faster way of getting the job done than trying to explain it to you.

It might reassure you to discuss this with some of the other secretaries, ask if this is common and whether it bothers them, and let them advise you.

DEAR ABBY: I know food is often described as "finger-lickin' good," but I'm appalled at the number of people who literally do this at restaurants. Didn't they ever learn to use a napkin? What's next -- licking each other's fingers? Can you comment? -- MANNERLY OUT WEST

DEAR MANNERLY: I will ignore the temptation to give a naughty answer and offer a nugget of advice. Now that you know not everyone has table manners that measure up to your own -- or even most folks' -- do less people-watching in restaurants or eat at home.

DEAR ABBY: I have two wonderful children (28 and 30). Both are married and have great spouses.

Ever since I was a girl, I have dreamed of being a mother and a grandmother. My heartbreak is that neither of my children wants kids. Every time I hear that my sister or brother is becoming a grandparent again, my heart aches so bad I sit down and cry.

My husband says I need to accept it and move on. I have tried, but I'm so depressed right now I don't know what to do. I'm thankful my children found their soul mates and are doing very well. I just don't know how to get past this missing part of me. -- UNHAPPY IN COLORADO

DEAR UNHAPPY: Have you considered going online and researching volunteer opportunities to work with children or teens? While they wouldn't be related to you, it would give you an opportunity to make a significant difference in a child's life.

One organization that comes to mind is Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, which would give you the chance to be a mentor. Another program you might enjoy is Foster Grandparents, which is sponsored by the Corporation for National and Community Service.

Or call the hospitals in your area and ask if they need someone to come in on a regular basis to hold and rock premature infants and newborns. If you contact CASA for Children (casaforchildren.org), you could become a court-appointed advocate for abused and neglected children and teens, which may provide the emotional satisfaction you need.

I hope my suggestions will help you. However, if they don't, then you must accept that plans we make for ourselves when we are young don't always work out as we wish they would, and let them go.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for more than 30 years. It has been a very lonely marriage. I raised the kids alone while he worked and volunteered at the church and teen club.

I spent the first 10 years of our marriage nagging him to spend time with me and the kids, but he was always too busy "doing good." I tried a couple of times to participate in his life by camping with him and the teens, but the girls gossiping until 1 a.m. and the boys stick sword fighting at 5 a.m. left me exhausted and irritable. Plus, it didn't accomplish anything because he didn't spend any time with me and the kids, anyway. I finally gave up nagging and just concentrated on raising our three kids.

Our kids are now grown, although one still lives at home and attends college. I feel stuck because I don't have Biblical grounds for divorce. I'm only 50, so I'm looking at 30 more years of loneliness.

A couple of years ago, I found a really fun sport -- scuba diving. I've made some great friends, but this isn't something I'll be able to do for the next 30 years. Do you have any suggestions? -- LONELY IN THE WEST

DEAR LONELY: Not knowing to which religious denomination you belong, the best advice I can offer is for you to talk to your clergyperson about possible grounds for divorce within your religion. That you have been effectively emotionally deserted for decades by your husband might qualify. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and the youngest in the family. My dad is cheating on my mom. My mom knows and has even told him she knows he's having an affair. He didn't apologize. His response was that he would still meet the other lady.

For the past few months, Mom has been gathering evidence so she can divorce him. None of my other siblings know. I feel they should, but Mom doesn't want them to.

I am angry at my dad for making Mom suffer so much for so long. Besides his hard work ethic, he has never been the father I wanted to have. He hides money and is quick to anger. Everything negative he does sticks to him. What should I do to help my mom, and should I tell my siblings? -- DAD IS CHEATING

DEAR D.I.C.: You seem to have a great deal of insider knowledge about your parents' marital difficulties, and it appears that has happened because your mother chose to confide in you. That's a heavy burden for one so young to carry, and it wasn't fair to you.

Although you want to help your mother through this, I do not think you are equipped to do more than remain supportive and honor her request not to tell your siblings. She may be handling as much as she can right now without having to deal with more emotional turmoil, and they will find out soon enough.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Jamie," is in college, and has two roommates, one of whom is also her friend. Her friend knows a lot of people in this college town, and has much more of a social life than Jamie. Although Jamie always includes her friend in outings, her friend never returns the favor.

I will be going to stay with them next weekend. Should I say something to her friend, in private, about how hurt my daughter's feelings are? -- HURT FEELINGS

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: No. As much as you might like to run interference for your daughter, remain silent. The person to explain Jamie's feelings to her roommate should be Jamie. Whether they can remain close friends under these circumstances is questionable, but for the next year they will have to coexist as roommates. Do not interfere.

DEAR ABBY: I recently lost my mom to cancer, and my father has offered her engagement ring to me to propose to my longtime girlfriend. The ring used to belong to my grandmother and has a beautiful quality diamond in a yellow gold setting. My girlfriend and I are not fans of yellow gold.

I know Mom would want my girlfriend to have a ring she loves and will cherish. I was told the setting in Mom's ring is badly worn and the stone is at risk of falling out. Would it be wrong to use the stone and have the "perfect" ring made for my future fiancee? I'm not sure about destroying the original ring. Thoughts, Abby? -- NERVOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NERVOUS: I don't think it would be wrong. I do think you should talk to a trusted jeweler and take your guidance from him or her.