DEAR ABBY: I moved to a new state two years ago, mostly because I had a friend who lived here part-time. I have distanced myself from many of the people she has introduced me to because they all talk about each other behind their backs. They also don't work many hours and start drinking very early in the day.

The other night I had my friend and her husband over for dinner with my boyfriend and me. For most of the night she was on the phone Facebooking and texting pictures of my dinner table to people I don't bother with. There was absolutely no conversation between the two of us that night. When I said something about her being on the phone, her answer was that she was answering her Facebook messages. I found it extremely rude.

Because I have distanced myself from others around here, I'm not sure if I should say anything to her because if I do, it will mean I won't have any friends around at all. What do you think? -- AFTERTHOUGHT IN FLORIDA

DEAR AFTERTHOUGHT: Birds of a feather flock together. You made a huge mistake in giving up your old life to follow this "friend," who appears to not only lack basic manners, but also to be indifferent to your feelings. It's time to either start making new friends with people who think and act more like you do, or return where you came from so you can be with folks with whom you have more in common.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily divorced mother of two and have a wonderful life. I have a great relationship with my ex. He's a wonderful father, and I'm grateful for that. We never fight and I always try to keep the peace.

He is remarried to a lovely woman and has another child with her, an adorable little boy. I consider him to be my children's brother and make sure to buy him birthday and holiday gifts. I ask my children which milestones he has conquered and Facetime with him, too.

I'm writing because my grandmother, whom I love dearly, thinks I am not being nice and that I should go inside when I pick up my children and visit with the baby. She constantly asks me what my ex and his wife are doing. I always tell her I have no idea, and that it's not my business.

I respect and want boundaries. I want to raise our children together and see them at our children's events, birthdays, etc. How can I get my grandma to understand that I'm in a good place and glad that my ex is, too? I'm not interested in knowing where he is every second. Grandma is a very tough, strong, wonderful lady who loves your column. -- MOVED ON IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MOVED ON: You seem like a healthy, well-adjusted woman. Point out to your grandmother that the good relationship you enjoy with your ex and his wife is based on the fact that you don't ask questions or meddle in their lives. Suggest that if Grandma wants to know how they are and what they're doing that she pick up a phone and ask them herself. That way, the person they will avoid will be her and not you. Repeat that message as needed.

DEAR ABBY: My 72-year-old husband believes that not voting in the upcoming presidential election is making a statement because he can't tolerate any of the candidates. He believes that not voting is telling the political parties to offer more acceptable candidates.

I believe that not voting makes no statement at all because many of those who don't vote really don't care, and that is the message that is received. Voting is a right that should be exercised. To vote is to make a statement. Do you think he is making his feelings known by not voting? -- NOT VOTING IN THE WEST

DEAR NOT VOTING: No, I do not. Your husband seems to have forgotten how fortunate we are to live in a country where people can vote. In many countries, that's not the case. The most important thing citizens can do is to educate themselves about the candidates and the issues and then cast their ballot. The higher the turnout, the more reflective the outcome is of the wishes of the people.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Fred," and I have been together for 10 years, during five of which we have been engaged, although there has been no talk of actually setting a date. That doesn't bother me because I am very unhappy in our relationship now.

Fred hasn't worked in three years. I have been supporting him all this time and I'm losing my mind. I am doing everything I can, and I'm beyond stressed. I can't talk to him about it because he doesn't want to talk. I send out his resume, and he doesn't return any calls to the places that call him.

I am 32 and feel like I am in a rut. What should I do? -- IN A RUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IN A RUT: Why are you sending out his resume? By now it should be clear to you that Fred has no intention of getting a job. Why should he? He has a good deal the way things are.

Engagements usually involve setting a wedding date. Because the two of you haven't, and you are unhappy in your relationship, break off the non-engagement! Cut your losses by investing no more time (or money) in your deadbeat boyfriend and set yourself free.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 10 years old and in fifth grade. I was in science class when my friend cheated off of me. I could confront her, but if I do I risk losing her as a friend. She has done some rude things to me in the past, and I don't know what to do. -- CONFUSED IN CASTAIC, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED: Real friends don't do rude things to each other. Now that you know your "friend" will copy your work, make sure not to sit next to her when tests are given. Unless you do, your teacher may think that because your answers are the same that YOU are the cheater, and you'll be in real trouble.

If you can't change seats because they are assigned, you will have to be extra-careful about keeping your test paper out of her line of sight.

DEAR ABBY: When I call my brother or sister, I expect my call to be private, just between the two of us. However, halfway through the call, other people in the household join the conversation or I'll hear pots and pans rattling. I consider this to be very rude.

I realize in this era of technology a speakerphone is a convenience, but I feel the caller should be told upfront that he or she is on speakerphone rather than realize during the call that others have been listening. Am I overly sensitive, or do you think the caller should be told they're on speaker and who will be listening in? Just a little privacy, please? -- KATHY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR KATHY: You are not overly sensitive. However, because you know your siblings are in the habit of doing this, you should ask at the beginning of the phone call if you are being put on speaker. If the answer is yes, you can then suggest the person call you back when you can talk privately.

DEAR ABBY: I retired two years ago at 71. Prior to retirement, I gave money to family members from every paycheck. I didn't save a dime.

I am now losing my home and in worse shape than they were when I gave them my money. I learned my lesson too late. Perhaps my predicament will help others.

Since retirement, I have had two surgeries with minimal help from anyone I helped. Doctor bills are piling up. If I had just saved as much as I gave away, I'd have enough to save my home. Take care of yourself first. -- MONEY MATTERS

DEAR MONEY MATTERS: I am sorry your generosity has landed you in so much trouble. I am printing your letter because it proves the truth of the adage "charity begins at home." Everyone should begin putting aside money toward retirement as soon as they get their first job, and continue for as long as they are working. Whatever monies are left after paying expenses and saving for retirement are considered discretionary, to be spent as the saver wishes.

DEAR ABBY: My son has an older neighbor who often looks after his daughter, who is 8 months old. This neighbor has no children or grandchildren of her own. She buys my granddaughter clothes, shoes, toys and, most recently, a high chair.

The problem is, she keeps all of these things at her house and doesn't share these gifts with my son and his wife. They don't have a lot of clothes for the baby or a high chair. Do you think this is appropriate, or am I out of line to think it isn't? -- UNSURE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR UNSURE: If someone buys clothes and shoes for a toddler, common sense dictates they should be kept where the child is dressed in the morning -- presumably at home. (A supply of diapers and wipes should be on hand wherever the little one is.) However, because lugging a high chair and toys back and forth could create a problem, I see no reason why they shouldn't remain at the caregiver's house.