DEAR ABBY: My 72-year-old husband believes that not voting in the upcoming presidential election is making a statement because he can't tolerate any of the candidates. He believes that not voting is telling the political parties to offer more acceptable candidates.

I believe that not voting makes no statement at all because many of those who don't vote really don't care, and that is the message that is received. Voting is a right that should be exercised. To vote is to make a statement. Do you think he is making his feelings known by not voting? -- NOT VOTING IN THE WEST

DEAR NOT VOTING: No, I do not. Your husband seems to have forgotten how fortunate we are to live in a country where people can vote. In many countries, that's not the case. The most important thing citizens can do is to educate themselves about the candidates and the issues and then cast their ballot. The higher the turnout, the more reflective the outcome is of the wishes of the people.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Fred," and I have been together for 10 years, during five of which we have been engaged, although there has been no talk of actually setting a date. That doesn't bother me because I am very unhappy in our relationship now.

Fred hasn't worked in three years. I have been supporting him all this time and I'm losing my mind. I am doing everything I can, and I'm beyond stressed. I can't talk to him about it because he doesn't want to talk. I send out his resume, and he doesn't return any calls to the places that call him.

I am 32 and feel like I am in a rut. What should I do? -- IN A RUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IN A RUT: Why are you sending out his resume? By now it should be clear to you that Fred has no intention of getting a job. Why should he? He has a good deal the way things are.

Engagements usually involve setting a wedding date. Because the two of you haven't, and you are unhappy in your relationship, break off the non-engagement! Cut your losses by investing no more time (or money) in your deadbeat boyfriend and set yourself free.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 10 years old and in fifth grade. I was in science class when my friend cheated off of me. I could confront her, but if I do I risk losing her as a friend. She has done some rude things to me in the past, and I don't know what to do. -- CONFUSED IN CASTAIC, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED: Real friends don't do rude things to each other. Now that you know your "friend" will copy your work, make sure not to sit next to her when tests are given. Unless you do, your teacher may think that because your answers are the same that YOU are the cheater, and you'll be in real trouble.

If you can't change seats because they are assigned, you will have to be extra-careful about keeping your test paper out of her line of sight.

DEAR ABBY: When I call my brother or sister, I expect my call to be private, just between the two of us. However, halfway through the call, other people in the household join the conversation or I'll hear pots and pans rattling. I consider this to be very rude.

I realize in this era of technology a speakerphone is a convenience, but I feel the caller should be told upfront that he or she is on speakerphone rather than realize during the call that others have been listening. Am I overly sensitive, or do you think the caller should be told they're on speaker and who will be listening in? Just a little privacy, please? -- KATHY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR KATHY: You are not overly sensitive. However, because you know your siblings are in the habit of doing this, you should ask at the beginning of the phone call if you are being put on speaker. If the answer is yes, you can then suggest the person call you back when you can talk privately.

DEAR ABBY: I retired two years ago at 71. Prior to retirement, I gave money to family members from every paycheck. I didn't save a dime.

I am now losing my home and in worse shape than they were when I gave them my money. I learned my lesson too late. Perhaps my predicament will help others.

Since retirement, I have had two surgeries with minimal help from anyone I helped. Doctor bills are piling up. If I had just saved as much as I gave away, I'd have enough to save my home. Take care of yourself first. -- MONEY MATTERS

DEAR MONEY MATTERS: I am sorry your generosity has landed you in so much trouble. I am printing your letter because it proves the truth of the adage "charity begins at home." Everyone should begin putting aside money toward retirement as soon as they get their first job, and continue for as long as they are working. Whatever monies are left after paying expenses and saving for retirement are considered discretionary, to be spent as the saver wishes.

DEAR ABBY: My son has an older neighbor who often looks after his daughter, who is 8 months old. This neighbor has no children or grandchildren of her own. She buys my granddaughter clothes, shoes, toys and, most recently, a high chair.

The problem is, she keeps all of these things at her house and doesn't share these gifts with my son and his wife. They don't have a lot of clothes for the baby or a high chair. Do you think this is appropriate, or am I out of line to think it isn't? -- UNSURE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR UNSURE: If someone buys clothes and shoes for a toddler, common sense dictates they should be kept where the child is dressed in the morning -- presumably at home. (A supply of diapers and wipes should be on hand wherever the little one is.) However, because lugging a high chair and toys back and forth could create a problem, I see no reason why they shouldn't remain at the caregiver's house.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl in the eighth grade. I moved in with my father and his girlfriend five months ago. (My mom is estranged.)

They are very strict and controlling. I'm not allowed to go anywhere, have friends over or be in my room with my phone for any amount of time, and I have to do all the chores in the summertime. They also go through my phone even though they have no reason to.

They post embarrassing pictures of me under my Facebook account, take my phone away constantly (so I can't talk to my friends who live far away), force me to play softball (that's a big one), which I hate, etc. My privacy is nonexistent, especially considering how I used to live before. I feel like I have no independence.

I know I can be disrespectful at times, but I don't get into trouble and I don't understand why they act like they do. I'm really stressed out. In the past I have gotten so upset I cut myself on the wrist, and I have drunk liquid pain medicine. (I know it was stupid.) But sometimes I seriously think about killing myself. So, what should I do, Abby? -- IT'S UNFAIR IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR UNFAIR: What you should do -- and right away -- is talk to a counselor at school and tell that person everything you have told me. I don't know your father and his girlfriend, what conditions you were living under previously, or why you are being treated the way you are. But if you are so depressed that you are harming yourself or contemplating suicide, you need more help than I can give you here. I repeat, please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, whom I have been dating for more than a year, has isolated herself from me and all her friends because her makeup came off while she was in a hot tub and everyone saw her without it. She's insecure about her appearance and has worn heavy makeup every day since she was 12. When she went into the hot tub, the heat melted it off, and when she saw it was gone, she started crying and left the party early.

She hasn't talked to me or any of her friends since. Her brother said she was embarrassed about being seen without makeup and doesn't want to talk to anyone. It has been two weeks since I last spoke to her, and she hasn't even talked to her sister in more than a week. I don't know what I should do. -- HOT TUB MELTDOWN

DEAR HOT TUB MELTDOWN: Assuming that your girlfriend isn't an actress, model or other celebrity who must be camera-ready at every moment, she seems overly preoccupied with her appearance. Unless she has an unsightly skin condition she's self-conscious about, her extreme overreaction isn't normal. If she is a minor, her parents should be told what's going on so they can get her some psychological help, because she appears to need it. If she's an adult, then the person who should urge her to do so is you.