DEAR ABBY: When I call my brother or sister, I expect my call to be private, just between the two of us. However, halfway through the call, other people in the household join the conversation or I'll hear pots and pans rattling. I consider this to be very rude.

I realize in this era of technology a speakerphone is a convenience, but I feel the caller should be told upfront that he or she is on speakerphone rather than realize during the call that others have been listening. Am I overly sensitive, or do you think the caller should be told they're on speaker and who will be listening in? Just a little privacy, please? -- KATHY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR KATHY: You are not overly sensitive. However, because you know your siblings are in the habit of doing this, you should ask at the beginning of the phone call if you are being put on speaker. If the answer is yes, you can then suggest the person call you back when you can talk privately.

DEAR ABBY: I retired two years ago at 71. Prior to retirement, I gave money to family members from every paycheck. I didn't save a dime.

I am now losing my home and in worse shape than they were when I gave them my money. I learned my lesson too late. Perhaps my predicament will help others.

Since retirement, I have had two surgeries with minimal help from anyone I helped. Doctor bills are piling up. If I had just saved as much as I gave away, I'd have enough to save my home. Take care of yourself first. -- MONEY MATTERS

DEAR MONEY MATTERS: I am sorry your generosity has landed you in so much trouble. I am printing your letter because it proves the truth of the adage "charity begins at home." Everyone should begin putting aside money toward retirement as soon as they get their first job, and continue for as long as they are working. Whatever monies are left after paying expenses and saving for retirement are considered discretionary, to be spent as the saver wishes.

DEAR ABBY: My son has an older neighbor who often looks after his daughter, who is 8 months old. This neighbor has no children or grandchildren of her own. She buys my granddaughter clothes, shoes, toys and, most recently, a high chair.

The problem is, she keeps all of these things at her house and doesn't share these gifts with my son and his wife. They don't have a lot of clothes for the baby or a high chair. Do you think this is appropriate, or am I out of line to think it isn't? -- UNSURE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR UNSURE: If someone buys clothes and shoes for a toddler, common sense dictates they should be kept where the child is dressed in the morning -- presumably at home. (A supply of diapers and wipes should be on hand wherever the little one is.) However, because lugging a high chair and toys back and forth could create a problem, I see no reason why they shouldn't remain at the caregiver's house.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl in the eighth grade. I moved in with my father and his girlfriend five months ago. (My mom is estranged.)

They are very strict and controlling. I'm not allowed to go anywhere, have friends over or be in my room with my phone for any amount of time, and I have to do all the chores in the summertime. They also go through my phone even though they have no reason to.

They post embarrassing pictures of me under my Facebook account, take my phone away constantly (so I can't talk to my friends who live far away), force me to play softball (that's a big one), which I hate, etc. My privacy is nonexistent, especially considering how I used to live before. I feel like I have no independence.

I know I can be disrespectful at times, but I don't get into trouble and I don't understand why they act like they do. I'm really stressed out. In the past I have gotten so upset I cut myself on the wrist, and I have drunk liquid pain medicine. (I know it was stupid.) But sometimes I seriously think about killing myself. So, what should I do, Abby? -- IT'S UNFAIR IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR UNFAIR: What you should do -- and right away -- is talk to a counselor at school and tell that person everything you have told me. I don't know your father and his girlfriend, what conditions you were living under previously, or why you are being treated the way you are. But if you are so depressed that you are harming yourself or contemplating suicide, you need more help than I can give you here. I repeat, please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, whom I have been dating for more than a year, has isolated herself from me and all her friends because her makeup came off while she was in a hot tub and everyone saw her without it. She's insecure about her appearance and has worn heavy makeup every day since she was 12. When she went into the hot tub, the heat melted it off, and when she saw it was gone, she started crying and left the party early.

She hasn't talked to me or any of her friends since. Her brother said she was embarrassed about being seen without makeup and doesn't want to talk to anyone. It has been two weeks since I last spoke to her, and she hasn't even talked to her sister in more than a week. I don't know what I should do. -- HOT TUB MELTDOWN

DEAR HOT TUB MELTDOWN: Assuming that your girlfriend isn't an actress, model or other celebrity who must be camera-ready at every moment, she seems overly preoccupied with her appearance. Unless she has an unsightly skin condition she's self-conscious about, her extreme overreaction isn't normal. If she is a minor, her parents should be told what's going on so they can get her some psychological help, because she appears to need it. If she's an adult, then the person who should urge her to do so is you.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to my husband for 15 years and we have a set of preteen twins. After he was arrested and put in prison for possession of child pornography, I divorced him. After much counseling, it was determined that he had not hurt our children.

He will be released soon, and I don't want to see him. However, my twins do want to see their father. He is not allowed unsupervised visits, and I don't trust his family to watch him closely. Must I suck it up and let him visit with me present for our children's sake, or would it be better to cut ties completely and let him fight with the courts? -- ANGRY AND DISGUSTED

DEAR ANGRY AND DISGUSTED: Are there any relatives from your side of the family who would be willing to be present? If there are, that might be a solution. However, if there aren't, this is something you should discuss with a lawyer because the courts sometimes provide individuals who can supervise visitation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved to Maryland from Florida to be closer to my mom because my dad passed away last March. Since we've been here, my husband has been acting strange. He seems super stressed out, and he is hanging out with people I don't know and staying out until all hours of the night. I'm worried that I may have done something wrong that is causing him to act like this. Please help. -- CONCERNED IN THE EAST

DEAR CONCERNED: When couples marry, they usually socialize together, not separately. It is far more likely that your husband is doing something wrong "that is causing him to act like this" than anything you have done. Your husband may have fallen in with a crowd of singles, drinkers -- or heaven knows what. It's time to have a frank talk with him and get to the bottom of what's going on, because something definitely is.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with a friend I play golf with twice a week. We are part of a group of 12 retired men, and one golfer is an extremely slow player. By slow, I mean taking a long time between golf shots, checking yardages and taking numerous practice swings before playing. Meanwhile, the rest of us are waiting for him, and we feel pressured to make up the time so our group doesn't fall behind on the course.

We have all mentioned it to him, but it seems to roll off his back. It is getting to the point that no one wants to play in his foursome. What's the best way to handle this? -- SLOW BURN IN AUGUSTA

DEAR SLOW BURN: It is unfair to the group for one player to create this kind of problem for the other 11. Since talking to him about it has had no effect, the person closest to him should speak to him privately and point out that his slow play is creating stress for everyone, and he should either eliminate the problem or play with a different group of golfers.