DEAR ABBY: My husband is very political, and around election time he becomes engrossed in news shows. He has a habit of showing his favorite political news clips to friends when they visit.

I am uncomfortable with this, as I feel our friends are too polite to decline, and they allow my husband to preach politics to them out of courtesy to the host. They are like-minded, politically speaking, and the few who aren't are not going to be swayed by comedy news shows.

I excuse myself from the room when he begins his sermons. I have asked him to stop doing this when friends visit, but he refuses. How can I persuade him to just have "friends time" with no politics? -- POLITICALLY UNMOTIVATED

DEAR POLITICALLY UNMOTIVATED: You can't. You aren't going to change your husband. Fortunately, most of your friends are politically like-minded. Those who find his entertainment to be offensive will postpone seeing you until after the election is over. So stop stressing.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for a person who went to AA a few years ago and has gone totally alcohol-free, to start having a beer every other night or even keep a bottle of vodka around to have every now and then? Or should you stay alcohol-free to be sure that this issue doesn't happen again? -- ALCOHOL-FREE

DEAR ALCOHOL-FREE: For some individuals it may be possible to have an occasional drink without falling completely off the wagon, but I wouldn't recommend it. And as to keeping a bottle of vodka around to nip into "every now and then," I think that makes as much sense as keeping a box of chocolates in the house if someone is addicted to sweets. (And many of us are!)

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law wants to choose the gifts we give them. She doesn't have enough manners to smile, accept a gift and say "thank you" as we were raised to do. She told us, "All those educational toys you gave my son, I donated them!" I have donated much of what she has given us, but I would never tell her that.

She's now ordering toys and having them delivered to our home for us to wrap and give to her son. I had already bought a kaleidoscope, books, racetrack and a huge jar of little cars to use as rewards since he's 4 and still not potty-trained. She sent us a thank-you note (the first one ever) for the gifts they sent us to give my nephew, but did not mention the eight items I bought! Please help me cope with this extremely rude sister-in-law. -- TRYING TO COPE IN TEXAS

DEAR TRYING: I'll try. As I see it, you have two choices: The first is to decide to "go along with the program." The second would be to tell her she has taken all the joy out of gift-giving and, in the future, you will not be participating in the charade.

DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, after three years of marriage, I had a brief affair and was caught by my husband, who is a doctor. We had little girls, so he decided not to divorce me, but I had to cut my long hair short in a man's style and stop wearing makeup or jewelry except for my wedding ring. He donated all my designer clothes, and bought me men's clothes. I have begged him to let me wear women's clothes again and allow me to wear even a short woman's hairstyle, but he refuses.

Our two daughters are old enough now to notice, and they are a little embarrassed by how Mommy dresses. I no longer have any desire for an affair, but simply want to look attractive. I was a beauty queen in college, but now even my female friends think dressing like this is my idea. Sometimes I feel so embarrassed in public that I want to hide. What do you suggest I try to get him to let me wear my hair long and women's clothes again? -- WANTS TO BE ME AGAIN

DEAR WANTS TO BE YOU: I hope you are aware that what your husband has been doing is considered emotional abuse. What you did was wrong, but you should not have to spend the rest of your life looking like a man if you don't want to.

To say that your husband is controlling would be an understatement. Because you need more help than anyone can give you in a letter, I'm urging you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The website is thehotline.org; the toll-free phone number is 800-799-7233. Please don't put this off.

DEAR ABBY: I am 64 and still a virgin. I now feel I haven't done all the things I wanted to do with my life, and I realize I won't live forever. When I see young kids having fun, I regret wasting my younger years.

The biggest issue I have is with being a virgin. I have always believed in true love, but I still haven't met anyone. I have been going to bars and have multiple accounts on dating websites, but no men close to my age have been interested.

A young man who is 39 has asked to meet up. Should I go on a date with him and see what happens? I know it's wrong, but I think maybe with a younger guy I could do all the things I wanted to do. What should I do? Please help. -- PRUDENCE THE VIRGIN

DEAR PRUDENCE: Think carefully about what it is you really want. If you go on that date, the chances are that you will succeed in losing your virginity. But don't count on anything more than that happening.

I'm unclear about what you mean by "doing all the things you wanted to do," but true love takes time and commitment to develop, and rushing to catch up on all the things you think you have missed is no guarantee you will find it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm new in the business world and I have a question. At networking events, how do I politely excuse myself from a conversation when I encounter a "Stage 1" clinger? -- TRAPPED AGAIN IN TORONTO

DEAR TRAPPED AGAIN: Because at networking events it's important to make as many contacts as possible, you should say, "It's been nice meeting you, but please excuse me because I have to circulate, and so should you."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old lesbian from a suburban area outside the Twin Cities. It's not easy finding other gay women in this area, unless I visit Minneapolis, which I don't enjoy. I always seem to fall for straight girls or girls who have always been straight but are bi-curious, which never ends well for me.

My current situation has me stumped. The girl I'm interested in is in a relationship with a man. They have been together for a long time and have kids together. I have kept my distance for the most part because I don't want to be pushy or seem like a home-wrecker.

As we have grown closer over the past couple of months, she has told me she doesn't want to be with him anymore. She said she isn't in love with him and she's tired of pretending. Recently, she confided that she can't reach sexual satisfaction unless she thinks about women and she isn't sure what that means. She made a move on me once. A few weeks ago she kissed me, but nothing has happened since. I'm not sure what to say or do -- if anything at all. Help? -- NO HOME-WRECKER

DEAR NO HOME-WRECKER: What you should say to this woman is that she's sending you signals that she's interested in starting a romantic relationship, and ask her if it's true. If she says that it is, ask what she plans to do about her boyfriend. If she's unsure, you will then have to decide how you feel about becoming part of a triangle, because it could get messy. Very messy.

Between us, you would be better off if you focused on finding someone who is available and clear about her orientation. And if it means forcing yourself to go to Minneapolis, then that's what you should do.

DEAR ABBY: I have always made it a habit to keep my home neat and tidy. I'm not obsessive; we just make it a point to pick up after ourselves daily, instead of leaving everything a mess and then trying to tackle it all once every week or two. I suppose it also helps that I am child-free.

On more than one occasion, friends who visit my home have commented on how neat and clean I keep it. Some of them have asked if they could pay me to come and clean their homes. I guess a small part of me should be flattered, but I'm also offended. I feel it's the equivalent of inviting me to a party just to serve the drinks. I have no desire to become an indentured servant to my friends. Am I being too sensitive? -- NOT OBSESSIVE IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOT OBSESSIVE: If you are not obsessive, then why are you obsessing over a compliment these friends were trying to pay you? I sincerely doubt they were serious, unless they began negotiating your weekly rate.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in good health and have been married for more than 50 years. I would like to take our three children and their spouses on a Caribbean cruise. We all get along well, but my wife refuses to go and the kids won't go without their mom. Any suggestions? -- BEWILDERED HUSBAND IN BILLINGS, MONT.

DEAR HUSBAND: I wish you had shared more information about why your wife is reluctant to take the cruise and your children are backing their mother up on this. However, since they are acting in lockstep, I suggest you come up with an alternative idea for a family outing, or take the cruise alone.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you -- may your fast be an easy one.