DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, after three years of marriage, I had a brief affair and was caught by my husband, who is a doctor. We had little girls, so he decided not to divorce me, but I had to cut my long hair short in a man's style and stop wearing makeup or jewelry except for my wedding ring. He donated all my designer clothes, and bought me men's clothes. I have begged him to let me wear women's clothes again and allow me to wear even a short woman's hairstyle, but he refuses.

Our two daughters are old enough now to notice, and they are a little embarrassed by how Mommy dresses. I no longer have any desire for an affair, but simply want to look attractive. I was a beauty queen in college, but now even my female friends think dressing like this is my idea. Sometimes I feel so embarrassed in public that I want to hide. What do you suggest I try to get him to let me wear my hair long and women's clothes again? -- WANTS TO BE ME AGAIN

DEAR WANTS TO BE YOU: I hope you are aware that what your husband has been doing is considered emotional abuse. What you did was wrong, but you should not have to spend the rest of your life looking like a man if you don't want to.

To say that your husband is controlling would be an understatement. Because you need more help than anyone can give you in a letter, I'm urging you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The website is thehotline.org; the toll-free phone number is 800-799-7233. Please don't put this off.

DEAR ABBY: I am 64 and still a virgin. I now feel I haven't done all the things I wanted to do with my life, and I realize I won't live forever. When I see young kids having fun, I regret wasting my younger years.

The biggest issue I have is with being a virgin. I have always believed in true love, but I still haven't met anyone. I have been going to bars and have multiple accounts on dating websites, but no men close to my age have been interested.

A young man who is 39 has asked to meet up. Should I go on a date with him and see what happens? I know it's wrong, but I think maybe with a younger guy I could do all the things I wanted to do. What should I do? Please help. -- PRUDENCE THE VIRGIN

DEAR PRUDENCE: Think carefully about what it is you really want. If you go on that date, the chances are that you will succeed in losing your virginity. But don't count on anything more than that happening.

I'm unclear about what you mean by "doing all the things you wanted to do," but true love takes time and commitment to develop, and rushing to catch up on all the things you think you have missed is no guarantee you will find it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm new in the business world and I have a question. At networking events, how do I politely excuse myself from a conversation when I encounter a "Stage 1" clinger? -- TRAPPED AGAIN IN TORONTO

DEAR TRAPPED AGAIN: Because at networking events it's important to make as many contacts as possible, you should say, "It's been nice meeting you, but please excuse me because I have to circulate, and so should you."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old lesbian from a suburban area outside the Twin Cities. It's not easy finding other gay women in this area, unless I visit Minneapolis, which I don't enjoy. I always seem to fall for straight girls or girls who have always been straight but are bi-curious, which never ends well for me.

My current situation has me stumped. The girl I'm interested in is in a relationship with a man. They have been together for a long time and have kids together. I have kept my distance for the most part because I don't want to be pushy or seem like a home-wrecker.

As we have grown closer over the past couple of months, she has told me she doesn't want to be with him anymore. She said she isn't in love with him and she's tired of pretending. Recently, she confided that she can't reach sexual satisfaction unless she thinks about women and she isn't sure what that means. She made a move on me once. A few weeks ago she kissed me, but nothing has happened since. I'm not sure what to say or do -- if anything at all. Help? -- NO HOME-WRECKER

DEAR NO HOME-WRECKER: What you should say to this woman is that she's sending you signals that she's interested in starting a romantic relationship, and ask her if it's true. If she says that it is, ask what she plans to do about her boyfriend. If she's unsure, you will then have to decide how you feel about becoming part of a triangle, because it could get messy. Very messy.

Between us, you would be better off if you focused on finding someone who is available and clear about her orientation. And if it means forcing yourself to go to Minneapolis, then that's what you should do.

DEAR ABBY: I have always made it a habit to keep my home neat and tidy. I'm not obsessive; we just make it a point to pick up after ourselves daily, instead of leaving everything a mess and then trying to tackle it all once every week or two. I suppose it also helps that I am child-free.

On more than one occasion, friends who visit my home have commented on how neat and clean I keep it. Some of them have asked if they could pay me to come and clean their homes. I guess a small part of me should be flattered, but I'm also offended. I feel it's the equivalent of inviting me to a party just to serve the drinks. I have no desire to become an indentured servant to my friends. Am I being too sensitive? -- NOT OBSESSIVE IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOT OBSESSIVE: If you are not obsessive, then why are you obsessing over a compliment these friends were trying to pay you? I sincerely doubt they were serious, unless they began negotiating your weekly rate.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in good health and have been married for more than 50 years. I would like to take our three children and their spouses on a Caribbean cruise. We all get along well, but my wife refuses to go and the kids won't go without their mom. Any suggestions? -- BEWILDERED HUSBAND IN BILLINGS, MONT.

DEAR HUSBAND: I wish you had shared more information about why your wife is reluctant to take the cruise and your children are backing their mother up on this. However, since they are acting in lockstep, I suggest you come up with an alternative idea for a family outing, or take the cruise alone.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you -- may your fast be an easy one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 911 dispatcher with some hints for your readers in case they need emergency services and must call 911.

PLEASE pay attention to where you are. The most important information we need is the address of the emergency. If you are on the highway, tell us the Interstate and closest mile marker, as well as your direction of travel. Many people assume that we can trace their number to their location. While that may be true for landline phones, it's not for cellphones. Only the cellphone company can "ping" a phone.

I would also like to caution parents about letting their children play with a deactivated phone. If you want to let them play or practice, first remove the battery. Many calls we receive come from kids playing on a deactivated phone, and we are unable to call those numbers back to verify if there's a legitimate emergency. These calls also tie up emergency lines for people who have a genuine emergency, making them wait longer for their call to be answered.

My last comment is this: If you dial 911 by accident, please tell the dispatcher that it was an accident. We never get angry if someone inadvertently dials us. Our job is to make sure the public is OK. If it was accidental, say so! Otherwise, we must call back to make sure there is not an emergency.

Those of us in this profession do this job not because we are getting rich, but because we want to help people. We are the most important link in getting people the help they need, but we cannot do it without knowing where the emergency is. Thanks for getting the word out! -- DISPATCHER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISPATCHER: Thank you for your helpful suggestions. Readers, 911 dispatchers are the critical first contact for people needing help, but they cannot do their job unless they know where the emergency is and that the emergency is genuine. I hope you will take this person's suggestions to heart because they are important.

DEAR ABBY: We have been learning about genetics in my biology class and how you have to get two recessive genes from your parents to have the recessive trait, like red hair. I thought it was cool, so I tried to figure out which traits I got from my parents.

Now I am freaked out because there were several traits I have that I could not have gotten from them! At least one of my parents must have been someone else. I asked my teacher without being specific, and she said I was right. Now I don't know what to do. I wonder if I came from an affair that maybe my dad doesn't know about. Do you think I should ask? -- LEARNED TOO MUCH IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR LEARNED TOO MUCH: Yes, I do. But the people you should talk to are your parents, to get the full history on family traits of relatives from other generations you may not know about.