DEAR ABBY: My husband travels frequently with a work crew. It is not unusual for them to be gone for months at a time. During these absences, some of the married men on this crew cheat on their wives, who are at home with their children.

I feel guilty knowing they are cheating. I don't want them bringing home any sexually transmitted diseases to their unsuspecting spouses. My husband says I should stay out of it because it's not my business, but I feel bad saying nothing.

Should I speak to the wives? I have seen the cheating firsthand, so I'm certain it is happening. I would want to know if it were me. -- TORN IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR TORN: You have a moral dilemma, one that I can't decide for you. It is extremely important that you talk further with your husband about this. While I respect your motivation to disclose what you have seen to the wives, before doing anything you must carefully consider what the consequences could be. If you do what you are contemplating, your husband is sure to be ostracized by his co-workers. He could lose his job, and you your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl with two younger brothers. They fight all the time, which I understand is normal. The problem is, my dad favors my youngest brother. If there's a conflict between my brothers, he always punishes the oldest whether he deserves it or not. I have come to realize this is because of my dad's own bad relationship with his older brother and that this is his way of getting revenge.

It's taking a toll on my brother emotionally because he already struggles with school and sports. I'm afraid he will become depressed. My mom will never speak up about it, and when I do, despite my good relationship with my dad, he punishes me. Sometimes I'm afraid he'll become violent. I feel boxed in, Abby. Please help. -- STUCK SISTER

DEAR SISTER: You're a brave girl, and I'm glad you wrote. Regardless of how dysfunctional your father's relationship may have been with his older brother, it does not give him the right to abuse your brother. Your mother may be afraid of your father or she would have put a stop to it years ago.

You say you are afraid your father will become violent with you, which suggests that you have seen it happen to other family members. If you try to discuss this further with your dad, you might be at risk for violence.

It's important that you find an adult you trust who can intervene on your brother's behalf -- a teacher, a relative or even a neighbor. Another strong male may be what it takes to protect your brother.

P.S. If this doesn't solve the problem, please write to me again and let me know.

DEAR ABBY: I have a brother and a sister. I'm the oldest. My husband and I have a 3-year-old child and no plans for more children.

We have been blessed to be able to afford nice things for our daughter, and I have saved them in the hope of giving them to my brother and his fiancee, who are being married this year. My brother and I are very close, and I love his fiancee. They are not financially well off, so I know it would mean a lot to them.

Now something unexpected has happened. My sister -- the youngest -- just announced that she's engaged and is being married in three months. She plans on having children ASAP, whereas my brother and his fiancee want to wait a year or two after the wedding.

My mom and my sister say whoever has a baby girl first is entitled to all my stuff, but I don't want to give all my "treasures" to my sister. We have never gotten along, and she wouldn't appreciate them like my brother would. Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? What should I do? -- FEELING COERCED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FEELING COERCED: Cross your fingers and hope your sister's production line produces all boys. (Just kidding.) Your baby items belong to you, not your mother and not your sister. No one is "entitled" to them. If you prefer to give them to your brother's wife, that's your privilege. Your reasons seem valid to me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and have been in a relationship with "Zane" for three years. We get along beautifully, but of course we have our issues to work through. What upsets me is adults who think our relationship isn't real because I'm under 18. No, Zane and I don't have bills to pay or children to raise, but we talk to each other. That's what I have always thought is the most important thing between two people.

We have fun together, go to church and have meaningful discussions about almost everything. The only thing my divorced parents agree on is that they both love Zane. We know our relationship isn't perfect, but we're committed to working on it, becoming closer and understanding each other.

But I keep getting comments from teachers, my friends' parents, strangers and even Zane's grandma about how we should be prepared for our romance not to last because we're so young. It's annoying and disheartening. How can I prove to these "non-believers" that teens feel love and can have stable relationships, too? -- SERIOUSLY IN LOVE IN MAINE

DEAR SERIOUSLY IN LOVE: I don't blame you for feeling frustrated, because being patronized is annoying. The way to prove to "non-believers" that they are wrong is simply to continue successfully in your relationship. You appear to be mature, grounded and treat each other well. I don't know what your plans are for after high school, but if you keep the lines of communication open, I see no reason why this couldn't lead to marriage one day -- and a good one, based on mutual respect and compromise.

DEAR ABBY: A woman I'll call Betty Jo works in my office. We are only casual acquaintances. We speak in passing when time permits, but she has never invited me to lunch with her or suggested any interaction outside the job.

About three months ago, Betty Jo mentioned that she and her husband were planning a renewal of wedding vows and said she was going to invite me. In my mailbox at work, I found a poorly photocopied version of a formal invitation, with the following handwritten at the top in large block letters: CASH GIFTS ARE CHEERFULLY ACCEPTED!

I did not plan on attending, since I felt that if Betty Jo really wanted me, she could have at least sent me an original invitation to my home.

Two weeks ago, while knitting during my lunch break, Betty Jo came up to me and asked about the item I was working on. She then informed me that since I hadn't yet given her a gift, I could complete my knitting project and give that to her! Abby, I was flabbergasted. It's a custom-designed angora sweater, a gift for a cherished friend.

I mumbled something about being "busy as a bee" with projects to complete, and since that day I have gone out of my way to avoid any contact with Betty Jo. I've even managed to find an office with a door that locks in which to take my breaks.

First, am I behind the times or is requesting money on an invitation a new trend? Second, why would this rude and clueless woman request such an elaborate gift from someone she barely knows? Third, how do I handle future interactions with her at the office? Please don't reveal my name, city or state. -- BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED

DEAR BOTHERED: You are not behind the times. To request a gift of money (cash, yet!) is still regarded by most people as bad manners. Your co-worker asked you for the sweater you were knitting because she either has a lot of nerve, or doesn't know any better.

Please stop trying to hide from her. You don't have to feel defensive for not attending her renewal ceremony or giving her a gift. Just maintain a polite and consistent distance, and continue to socialize with others as you always have.

DEAR ABBY: I am 50 and about to re-enter the dating scene. I'm financially stable and look forward to a nice retirement in the future. I hope to find a woman for a lasting relationship. However, I would like her to also be financially stable and building her own retirement fund.

When is it appropriate to ask questions about someone's financial security and retirement funds/goals? -- SECURE TEXAN

DEAR SECURE TEXAN: Good question. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask on a first date, so consider raising the subject right around the time you start talking about sex and politics.