DEAR ABBY: I have a brother and a sister. I'm the oldest. My husband and I have a 3-year-old child and no plans for more children.

We have been blessed to be able to afford nice things for our daughter, and I have saved them in the hope of giving them to my brother and his fiancee, who are being married this year. My brother and I are very close, and I love his fiancee. They are not financially well off, so I know it would mean a lot to them.

Now something unexpected has happened. My sister -- the youngest -- just announced that she's engaged and is being married in three months. She plans on having children ASAP, whereas my brother and his fiancee want to wait a year or two after the wedding.

My mom and my sister say whoever has a baby girl first is entitled to all my stuff, but I don't want to give all my "treasures" to my sister. We have never gotten along, and she wouldn't appreciate them like my brother would. Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? What should I do? -- FEELING COERCED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FEELING COERCED: Cross your fingers and hope your sister's production line produces all boys. (Just kidding.) Your baby items belong to you, not your mother and not your sister. No one is "entitled" to them. If you prefer to give them to your brother's wife, that's your privilege. Your reasons seem valid to me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and have been in a relationship with "Zane" for three years. We get along beautifully, but of course we have our issues to work through. What upsets me is adults who think our relationship isn't real because I'm under 18. No, Zane and I don't have bills to pay or children to raise, but we talk to each other. That's what I have always thought is the most important thing between two people.

We have fun together, go to church and have meaningful discussions about almost everything. The only thing my divorced parents agree on is that they both love Zane. We know our relationship isn't perfect, but we're committed to working on it, becoming closer and understanding each other.

But I keep getting comments from teachers, my friends' parents, strangers and even Zane's grandma about how we should be prepared for our romance not to last because we're so young. It's annoying and disheartening. How can I prove to these "non-believers" that teens feel love and can have stable relationships, too? -- SERIOUSLY IN LOVE IN MAINE

DEAR SERIOUSLY IN LOVE: I don't blame you for feeling frustrated, because being patronized is annoying. The way to prove to "non-believers" that they are wrong is simply to continue successfully in your relationship. You appear to be mature, grounded and treat each other well. I don't know what your plans are for after high school, but if you keep the lines of communication open, I see no reason why this couldn't lead to marriage one day -- and a good one, based on mutual respect and compromise.

DEAR ABBY: A woman I'll call Betty Jo works in my office. We are only casual acquaintances. We speak in passing when time permits, but she has never invited me to lunch with her or suggested any interaction outside the job.

About three months ago, Betty Jo mentioned that she and her husband were planning a renewal of wedding vows and said she was going to invite me. In my mailbox at work, I found a poorly photocopied version of a formal invitation, with the following handwritten at the top in large block letters: CASH GIFTS ARE CHEERFULLY ACCEPTED!

I did not plan on attending, since I felt that if Betty Jo really wanted me, she could have at least sent me an original invitation to my home.

Two weeks ago, while knitting during my lunch break, Betty Jo came up to me and asked about the item I was working on. She then informed me that since I hadn't yet given her a gift, I could complete my knitting project and give that to her! Abby, I was flabbergasted. It's a custom-designed angora sweater, a gift for a cherished friend.

I mumbled something about being "busy as a bee" with projects to complete, and since that day I have gone out of my way to avoid any contact with Betty Jo. I've even managed to find an office with a door that locks in which to take my breaks.

First, am I behind the times or is requesting money on an invitation a new trend? Second, why would this rude and clueless woman request such an elaborate gift from someone she barely knows? Third, how do I handle future interactions with her at the office? Please don't reveal my name, city or state. -- BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED

DEAR BOTHERED: You are not behind the times. To request a gift of money (cash, yet!) is still regarded by most people as bad manners. Your co-worker asked you for the sweater you were knitting because she either has a lot of nerve, or doesn't know any better.

Please stop trying to hide from her. You don't have to feel defensive for not attending her renewal ceremony or giving her a gift. Just maintain a polite and consistent distance, and continue to socialize with others as you always have.

DEAR ABBY: I am 50 and about to re-enter the dating scene. I'm financially stable and look forward to a nice retirement in the future. I hope to find a woman for a lasting relationship. However, I would like her to also be financially stable and building her own retirement fund.

When is it appropriate to ask questions about someone's financial security and retirement funds/goals? -- SECURE TEXAN

DEAR SECURE TEXAN: Good question. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask on a first date, so consider raising the subject right around the time you start talking about sex and politics.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend for 11 months. Things are mostly good, but there are a few things I need your advice on.

He still hasn't introduced me to his grown daughter, and he stays in contact with his ex-wife. When he gets drunk, he texts her and tells her he loves her and wants to go back home to her, but when he's sober, he insists he loves only me and wants us to spend our lives together.

Do you think he's still in love with her, or does he really love me? I have talked to his friends. They say he loves me and not her because he wouldn't be with me if he didn't. -- LOVES ME, LOVES ME NOT

DEAR L.M.L.M.N.: Do I think your boyfriend is still in love with his ex? Let me put it this way -- he still has feelings for her, but whether they are strong enough that she's a threat to your relationship I can't be sure.

What does need addressing because you and he have been living together for nearly a year is why you haven't met the daughter, and the fact that this man may have a drinking problem. Once you do, you'll find the answers you're looking for.

DEAR ABBY: Please encourage businesses to consider the benefits of hiring senior adults. They tend to be empty nesters and have skills that one can learn only from years of experience in the job market. Seniors are prompt, non-demanding and without a sense of self-entitlement. The baby boomer generation already knows the computer basics. They can be taught about software related to the job at hand, and they don't have a tendency to "job hop." Thanks for letting me have my say. -- BELIEVES IN SENIOR WORK ETHICS

DEAR BELIEVES: What you say about senior workers is true. They are hardworking, dedicated and motivated. However, it is up to each employer to decide what qualities they want and need while hiring, and I wouldn't presume to suggest they discriminate against a younger job-seeker.

DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old granddaughter was invited to a birthday party for a friend. The invitation said "cash and gift cards only, please." My daughter bought a card for her daughter and said she would put $20 in it. I'm Scottish; when she told me, I fainted. Then she said she had two $10s and would discuss it with her hubby.

What is an acceptable amount in this case? I'm glad I'm old. I appreciate it if someone still thinks enough of me to send a card. -- SCOTSMAN IN NOVA SCOTIA

DEAR SCOTSMAN: Pass the smelling salts my way, because I, too, was taken aback when I read that a guest had been instructed on what kind of gift to bring to a birthday party. How rude!

Ask your daughter how she arrived at the amount of money she's considering sending as birthday loot. The suggestion on the invitation was only that -- a suggestion. She should determine an amount that suits her budget. That's the amount she should give.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: As the sun sets tonight, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins. As we begin this time of solemn introspection, let me wish you all, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a good year.