DEAR ABBY: A woman I'll call Betty Jo works in my office. We are only casual acquaintances. We speak in passing when time permits, but she has never invited me to lunch with her or suggested any interaction outside the job.

About three months ago, Betty Jo mentioned that she and her husband were planning a renewal of wedding vows and said she was going to invite me. In my mailbox at work, I found a poorly photocopied version of a formal invitation, with the following handwritten at the top in large block letters: CASH GIFTS ARE CHEERFULLY ACCEPTED!

I did not plan on attending, since I felt that if Betty Jo really wanted me, she could have at least sent me an original invitation to my home.

Two weeks ago, while knitting during my lunch break, Betty Jo came up to me and asked about the item I was working on. She then informed me that since I hadn't yet given her a gift, I could complete my knitting project and give that to her! Abby, I was flabbergasted. It's a custom-designed angora sweater, a gift for a cherished friend.

I mumbled something about being "busy as a bee" with projects to complete, and since that day I have gone out of my way to avoid any contact with Betty Jo. I've even managed to find an office with a door that locks in which to take my breaks.

First, am I behind the times or is requesting money on an invitation a new trend? Second, why would this rude and clueless woman request such an elaborate gift from someone she barely knows? Third, how do I handle future interactions with her at the office? Please don't reveal my name, city or state. -- BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED

DEAR BOTHERED: You are not behind the times. To request a gift of money (cash, yet!) is still regarded by most people as bad manners. Your co-worker asked you for the sweater you were knitting because she either has a lot of nerve, or doesn't know any better.

Please stop trying to hide from her. You don't have to feel defensive for not attending her renewal ceremony or giving her a gift. Just maintain a polite and consistent distance, and continue to socialize with others as you always have.

DEAR ABBY: I am 50 and about to re-enter the dating scene. I'm financially stable and look forward to a nice retirement in the future. I hope to find a woman for a lasting relationship. However, I would like her to also be financially stable and building her own retirement fund.

When is it appropriate to ask questions about someone's financial security and retirement funds/goals? -- SECURE TEXAN

DEAR SECURE TEXAN: Good question. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask on a first date, so consider raising the subject right around the time you start talking about sex and politics.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend for 11 months. Things are mostly good, but there are a few things I need your advice on.

He still hasn't introduced me to his grown daughter, and he stays in contact with his ex-wife. When he gets drunk, he texts her and tells her he loves her and wants to go back home to her, but when he's sober, he insists he loves only me and wants us to spend our lives together.

Do you think he's still in love with her, or does he really love me? I have talked to his friends. They say he loves me and not her because he wouldn't be with me if he didn't. -- LOVES ME, LOVES ME NOT

DEAR L.M.L.M.N.: Do I think your boyfriend is still in love with his ex? Let me put it this way -- he still has feelings for her, but whether they are strong enough that she's a threat to your relationship I can't be sure.

What does need addressing because you and he have been living together for nearly a year is why you haven't met the daughter, and the fact that this man may have a drinking problem. Once you do, you'll find the answers you're looking for.

DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old granddaughter was invited to a birthday party for a friend. The invitation said "cash and gift cards only, please." My daughter bought a card for her daughter and said she would put $20 in it. I'm Scottish; when she told me, I fainted. Then she said she had two $10s and would discuss it with her hubby.

What is an acceptable amount in this case? I'm glad I'm old. I appreciate it if someone still thinks enough of me to send a card. -- SCOTSMAN IN NOVA SCOTIA

DEAR SCOTSMAN: Pass the smelling salts my way, because I, too, was taken aback when I read that a guest had been instructed on what kind of gift to bring to a birthday party. How rude!

Ask your daughter how she arrived at the amount of money she's considering sending as birthday loot. The suggestion on the invitation was only that -- a suggestion. She should determine an amount that suits her budget. That's the amount she should give.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: As the sun sets tonight, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins. As we begin this time of solemn introspection, let me wish you all, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a good year.

DEAR ABBY: I'm about to get custody of my daughter after four years, so I'm a little out of the parenting etiquette loop. A friend of mine has a daughter, "Autumn," who is an absolute terror and a bully. The girl has been rude to my daughter during the times she has visited.

I know I won't be able to avoid social functions because Autumn's family is always invited to a mutual friend's events. My daughter wants nothing to do with her, and I don't know how to easily avoid play dates. Please advise. -- PERPLEXED IN THE WEST

DEAR PERPLEXED: Talk to Autumn's parents about her behavior, so it can be corrected. If you are worried about your daughter having to interact with the girl, suggest that she socialize with the other children at the event and stay out of Autumn's way. If the girl acts out against your daughter, tell your child she is welcome to come and spend some time with you. While you can't completely insulate her from unpleasant peers, this may lessen the pain.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in high school, and I'm having some problems with my friend "Dave." I'm in every one of his classes, and he keeps coming to me and asking if I want to work with him. I need to say no, but I don't know how. It would be nice to work with other friends, but how do I tell that to Dave? -- CONNECTICUT SOPHOMORE

DEAR SOPHOMORE: Be frank with your friend. All you have to say is: "Dave, I like working with you -- but I also want to work with other people. If we both work with some of the others, it will keep us sharper." And if he indicates that he's taking it as a personal rejection, tell him it isn't true -- that you like him, but think it's not smart for either of you to limit yourselves. (It's the truth.)

DEAR ABBY: I could use some advice about family roles. Mine always seems to be the peacekeeper and mediator. Without going into too much detail, my family has some issues, and they usually volunteer me to fix the problem. It's extremely stressful, and I feel guilty when I don't succeed.

I am a travel nurse, and I accepted an assignment across the country to try to step back from it. Some of the drama follows me here, but it's nothing like when I was home. My guilt continues because I feel like my duty is to be with my family, especially my sister, who is emotionally co-dependent on me. Any advice to help divide the roles? -- OVERWHELMED IN PHOENIX

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Please stop feeling like you did something wrong in taking that assignment. You made the right choice. By doing it, you have gifted your family with the opportunity to learn to deal with its issues without relying exclusively on you. By now it should have dawned on you that you cannot fix your sister's co-dependency problem. Only she can do that, if she's willing to recognize that she has a problem and accept that a licensed psychotherapist -- and not her sister -- can provide her with the tools to overcome it.