life

Basic Voting Information Is Available Just a Click Away

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Election Day is just over a month away. As it approaches, many people have questions about voting that could keep them away from the polls this November.

USAGov can help. We're the federal program that connects Americans to government information and services. Responding to questions from people across the country, we created an online guide to voting and elections at USA.gov/voting.

Our goal is to equip everyone with the basic information they need to register and get their vote counted. The information is free, easy to understand and nonpartisan.

There, readers can begin the registration process for their state or contact their local election office to update their voter information, learn what form of identification may be needed and the location of their polling place. We also provide information on how to vote early or absentee -- which is helpful for those who can't get out to vote, or who serve overseas in the military. Learn about sample ballots, tips for researching candidates, accessibility laws for voters with disabilities and much more.

Abby, thank you for sharing USA.gov/voting with your readers, and for your long partnership in connecting them with information from their government to make their lives a little less complicated. -- NANCY TYLER, SENIOR EDITOR, USA.GOV

DEAR NANCY: You are welcome. Readers, in the 2012 presidential election, less than half (42 percent) of Americans who were eligible to vote did so. A person who has the right to vote and doesn't is no better off than the millions of people in this world who do not have that privilege. We are fortunate to live in a country where citizens are allowed to cast a ballot. The direction our country takes domestically and internationally is to a great extent determined by the citizens who exercise that right.

Regular, absentee and early voting all have registration deadlines that vary state by state -- some as much as a month before Election Day, which is Nov. 8. So visit the voter registration section of USA.gov/voting, where you will find a button to begin the registration process.

Work & SchoolHealth & Safety
life

Office Building Security Is Breached When Doors Are Opened to Strangers

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office where employee badges are issued and used to gain access to the building itself and to more sensitive areas. I know most of the people who work here and happily hold the door open for them, but there are also a lot of people I don't know -- some with badges indicating they work here, and others without identification.

I don't want to let in someone who does not belong here and risk our safety and security. Would it be better to ask for ID before holding doors? What about friendly visitors? -- BUILDING ACCESS IN BOISE

DEAR BOISE: Companies pay large sums of money to ensure their buildings are secure. If someone doesn't have an access card or a security badge, you should not hold the door open regardless of how friendly the person appears to be. To do otherwise circumvents the security and safety of the building and puts everyone -- including yourself -- at risk.

life

Husband Needs Help Moving Beyond Past Sexual Abuse

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently disclosed to me that he was sexually abused by his cousin, who was the same age, when he was in high school. She blackmailed him by threatening to tell everyone he had raped her. She used this power over him to coax sexual favors but never intercourse.

After a year of looking for help, he confided in his mother, but she ended up getting drunk and telling the whole family about the situation. Luckily, he was able to convince most of them it was "just the alcohol talking." At that point, his cousin finally found a boyfriend and stopped blackmailing him.

This all happened five years ago. He hasn't lived in the same state as his mom or the abuser in three years. I can tell that by confiding in me he feels much better, but I'm worried that he blames himself for his mother's alcoholism and his ruined relationships with his close friends in high school. I'm also not sure whether or not we can bring his abuser to justice. -- CONCERNED SPOUSE

DEAR CONCERNED SPOUSE: Encourage your husband to talk to a licensed psychotherapist about what was done to him. Victims sometimes blame themselves. I seriously doubt that his mother's alcohol abuse had anything to do with him. That she betrayed his confidence instead of helping him was terrible. A therapist can explain all this to him, and help him to see things clearly so he can decide how to proceed.

AddictionTeensFamily & ParentingSex & GenderAbuse
life

Premarital Planning Helps Calm Wedding Jitters

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning on getting married this year, but I have cold feet. One day I want to be married; the next day I don't. My fiancee is my best friend, and we have been dating for more than four years. Is there any way to get over wedding jitters and live life to the fullest? -- COLD FEET IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR COLD FEET: An intelligent way to work through your jitters would be to talk them through. Consider premarital counseling with your fiancee. A number of subjects will be raised during the sessions, including both of your feelings regarding handling money, having children (and raising them), and even the fact that such a big step gives you butterflies. Please let me know if this helps. I wish you and your fiancee a long and happy union.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Girl Shrinks From Relationships as She Tries to Discover Who She Is

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old bisexual girl, and I have a big problem with relationships. They make me feel awkward. I don't like holding hands and the mushy-gushy stuff hurts my soul. I'm asking for help to come out to my parents and also what I should do about not liking relationships. Am I the only one like this? I told my friend once, and she was really confused. -- AWKWARD TEEN IN TEXAS

DEAR AWKWARD: I do not think you should come out to your family until you are sure of exactly who you are. From the tone of your letter, you appear to be still trying to figure that out -- which is completely normal for someone your age.

Please do not put any labels on yourself right now. Concentrate on school, friends, things you enjoy. Give it time, and I predict that in a year or two, when you are more clear about things, you will know what to do.

Sex & GenderLove & DatingTeens
life

Wife in Sexless Marriage Is Tempted by Outside Offer

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 28th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I've been in a committed relationship for 19 years, and have been married for three years. My husband is wonderful, except he has absolutely no sex drive. And of course, in the true nature of opposition, mine is off the charts.

I have met another man who is in a loveless marriage. He says they don't have intimate relations, and she knows he has had "flings" over the years. He has asked me to be his newest "friend with benefits." He's attractive, employed, and wants only a physical relationship. (I suspect their marriage is tied to his business, but I'm not sure.)

I'm honestly tempted, because I'm lonely in that regard. No marriage is perfect, by any means, but am I biting off more than I can chew even if I get my husband's permission (which he would likely give), and assuming this man is telling the truth about his wife? What to do? -- DESPERATE IN THE NORTH

DEAR DESPERATE: While some open marriages have been known to work if the husband and wife are willing, I hesitate to recommend it. You describe yourself as desperate. You must be desperate to consider becoming someone's latest "fling."

Did your husband's low sex drive exist before your marriage, or is it something new? If it is recent, there may be medical help for his problem -- if he is willing to talk to his doctor about it. Please suggest it before you do anything else.

Sex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Woman Is All Work and No Play From 9 to 5

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 28th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am in a new relationship (six months) with a man who treats me like gold. He's kind, affectionate and a great man, except for one thing.

His office building is right next to mine, which is how we met. During work hours I'm extremely busy and don't generally have time to hang out or take breaks. If I do, it may be to run a quick errand or grab a sandwich with a co-worker.

Abby, I have worked here for eight years, and I don't invite anyone to socialize during work hours. He texts me that he's outside my building, or he says he just dropped by to say "hi" or "bye." If he sees me pull in at my office, he will wave me down or jog over to walk me to work.

My professional life has always been separate from my personal life. I need my work hours to myself, and I have told him this numerous times. I have asked him not to come by and explained that my 9-to-5 is for work. He just doesn't get it.

I don't want to end my relationship over this, but I love my job. It is important that I be focused at work. I don't think it's appropriate to be hugging, kissing and embracing in front of my office. We see each other after work every day. Please give me a solution, because I am at my wits' end! -- WANTS TO WORK ALONE

DEAR WANTS TO WORK ALONE: Because you have told this man repeatedly that you aren't comfortable with him dropping by during work hours or engaging in public displays of affection where you can be observed, it's time to "up the ante." The next time it happens, tell him you think he's terrific, but if he can't respect your work ethic and your boundaries, it might jeopardize your relationship.

Work & SchoolLove & Dating

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