DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law are both in the military. Currently her husband is stationed elsewhere. They have a 6-month-old daughter, and I'm staying with her to help her out for now. I have a gut feeling that she is cheating. Do I have the right to ask her? -- WORRIED MOTHER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED: Of course you do -- that's what mothers are for. You also have the right as her mother to point out that if it's true, what the consequences of her fling may be when her husband returns. When you talk to her, try not to come across as judgmental as much as concerned, and be prepared to do a lot of listening, because people don't usually start affairs for no reason.

DEAR ABBY: I'm fairly certain that you have never heard this one before, but I am a slob. It's embarrassing, but it is what it is. I'm working on it, but I'm nearly 70, so major change is unlikely.

I suspect a friend of mine used my hidden key and came into my house to clean for me on my birthday while I was out to dinner with my children. She meant well, but I have asked her repeatedly not to help me. She simply refuses to listen to what she doesn't want to hear. She says she cleans because it's a stress reliever for her, but it just makes me feel more stressed.

Needless to say, I have taken in all of my hidden keys. I am frustrated by her actions and feel violated, not honored. Honestly, I am just embarrassed. I haven't been feeling well for a while, so the house was particularly messy. I suspect she's waiting for me to acknowledge her "thoughtfulness."

Abby, please tell your readers that "helping a friend" is NO HELP if it isn't welcome. I feel what she did was stubborn and selfish since it was what she wanted to do -- not what I wanted. I'm a big girl, and I can ask for help if I want it. -- FRUSTRATED IN THE WEST

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I feel for you, but the person who needs to receive that message is the person who has been doing this "for" you over your objections. Are you absolutely sure that it's this friend who's doing it and not some other well-meaning person -- a relative, perhaps? If you are certain, then deliver the message with both barrels.

What concerns me is your statement that you have taken in your extra keys. That means "someone" may have made an extra copy, which would be not only a huge invasion of privacy but also a security problem. If the problem persists, have your locks changed.

DEAR ABBY: At what age is it acceptable and appropriate for my daughters to move out? -- WONDERING IN WICHITA

DEAR WONDERING: Many young adults live with their parents today because they are burdened with student loan debt and are unable to find jobs. I think the logical time for them to move out would be when they are able to support themselves.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my longtime job but have remained in contact with a few former co-workers, meeting for an occasional lunch or dinner. One woman in particular has been pushing to meet at my place. Abby, I'm not proud of where I live now, and I don't want to have to explain this to her.

So far, I have side-stepped by saying that I prefer to get out of the house, but I'm worried that one day she will announce that she's "in my neighborhood" and ask to drop by. I'm really uncomfortable with that, but I don't know an appropriate response that will keep our relationship cordial, because I do value the times we see each other. Any suggestions? -- DOWNSCALE IN DELAWARE

DEAR DOWNSCALE: There are various excuses you can use if she wants to drop by. Your place "might not be presentable now," or you might "not feel up for company," or you are "in the middle of a project you need to finish," or you will be "leaving shortly and don't have time" that day. If you rotate the deflections as needed, your friend may eventually get the idea without your having to say it directly.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were sitting in a restaurant one night. A woman, her boyfriend and two children were at the table next to us. The boyfriend was loudly verbally abusing the children (5 to 8 years old) for not eating "the food he had paid for." It was truly ABUSE -- his language was awful -- and it lasted for 20 to 30 minutes. I wasn't concerned about it ruining our night out, but rather what this guy must be like in private with those kids and that woman. Should I have called the police? Would it have made it worse? -- NIGHT OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR NIGHT OUT: Yes, if you had intervened, it probably would have made matters worse. Unfortunately, the police can't arrest someone for verbal abuse. However, since the man was making a scene, the manager of the restaurant should have stepped in because he was disturbing the other diners.

DEAR ABBY: "Breaking With the Past" (Feb. 29) said she no longer wishes to "schlep" her parents' wedding album to yet another location when she moves again. You wisely advised her not to dispose of it hastily.

Another option might be for her to preserve the photos in a digital format, and then return the album to her mother or give it away as you suggested. That way, she can assure her sentimental mother that she still has the photos. In the future she may come to value these keepsakes because they may contain important information about family members, in addition to her parents. -- CATHY IN OREGON

DEAR CATHY: I had originally included the option of digitally scanning the photos in my answer, but second-guessed myself while editing my column. Judging by the number of readers who wrote to suggest it, I should have left it in. It's a common-sense option for "Breaking" to consider. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Dawn," recently got engaged to a man I detest. They have been dating for two years. I don't trust him, and I believe he is controlling her. He has lied to me and to my parents, and has strained Dawn's relationship with our family by constantly making her choose between either him or us.

Dawn worked hard to earn her master's degree and is now earning a great salary; her fiance has no education beyond high school, constantly switches jobs and uses my sister for financial support.

I have spoken to her multiple times in the past about my concerns, and at one point made it clear that I wouldn't attend her wedding. Now that Dawn has decided to move forward with the relationship, am I required to go? My parents, despite not supporting my sister's marrying this man, still plan to attend and are urging me to go. I don't think I can stomach seeing it. What do I do? -- OPPOSED IN NEW YORK

DEAR OPPOSED: Go to the wedding. If this man is as awful as you say he is, your sister is going to need all of the support she can get from people who love her. One of the things that insecure, controlling men try to do is isolate their victims. Letting Dawn know that you love her and will always be there for her will make it much harder for her husband to do.

DEAR ABBY: I am an eighth-grade boy with a sixth-grade brother. He is a nice kid and we get along really great. The problem is, while I am good at all activities from school to sports to games, my brother struggles at everything. I believe he is as bright as most kids, but he knows he has to work harder than I do.

He is very competitive, especially at board games. I can beat him whenever I want to, but occasionally I'll let him win. The trouble is, he makes such a big deal when he "beats" me. He becomes obnoxious and won't stop bragging, and it drives me crazy. I don't want to break my brother's spirit, but on the other hand, I don't want to give him a false sense of his abilities. How do I handle this? -- BIG BROTHER

DEAR BIG BROTHER: You seem to be a very nice young man. Please re-read the third sentence of your letter. Then, for a moment, put yourself in your brother's shoes. You are older, better at sports and learn more easily. Imagine how that must make him feel. When he has an occasional victory, you shouldn't be resentful if he decides to crow about it. To him it's a very big deal. It may make it easier for you to tolerate if you remember that and keep your sense of humor, because this, too, will pass.

DEAR ABBY: What's the appropriate response in a social situation when you're introduced to a person you have met several times before, but they act like it's the first time? I usually just smile and play along, but now I'm starting to feel like it's intentional. Am I that forgettable? -- FORGETTABLE IN NEVADA

DEAR FORGETTABLE: I doubt it. My advice is to be polite. The next time it happens, smile warmly and say, "We've met. Nice to see you again, 'Gloria.'" And then move on.