DEAR ABBY: I am a bisexual female college graduate living at home, and an only child. I have had one sexual encounter with a woman but never a relationship. I have, however, had relationships with men.

I came out to my mother when I was a teenager. She didn't believe me, but did say that she would not mention it to my other parents or family members. (I have two stepparents as both biological parents remarried.)

I am considering -- if I find a woman to go on a date with/be with -- pursuing a lesbian relationship. However, I am not financially independent and won't be for many years. My problem is I'm afraid to do it while I am living at home. My cousins, friends and ex-boyfriends all know, just not my parents, grandparents, aunts, etc. Do I try for my own happiness and hope for the best, or defer my happiness and only date men? -- SCARED TO BE WHO I AM

DEAR SCARED: You are no longer a teenager; you're an adult now. You should be entitled to have the kind of relationship with which you are most comfortable. If your cousins know about the fact that you are bisexual, the chances are that so do their parents. However, if coming out now would mean that you would be out on the street, I'm advising you to keep your mouth shut and bide your time until you are independent.

DEAR ABBY: My family and I are all travelers. Recently, some issues have arisen with them about the way they regard my mode of travel. They prefer flying versus driving. I don't. Because of my size.

I can't fit into an airplane seat and buckle the seat belt without an extender. I'm always worried that I'll be forced to buy an extra seat or won't be allowed to fly because of my weight, and it is stressful. I have tried for years to lose weight, but have gotten only to the point where I'm maintaining my weight.

I fit comfortably in my car. I can get the seat belt buckled, and I don't have to inconvenience other passengers.

My family is now trying to discourage me from taking future trips with them because I won't fly. They claim it's because I'm single and normally travel by myself. I'm in my mid-30s and have traveled solo for years. Any suggestions on how to help them understand my choice? -- FRUSTRATED SOLO HEAVY TRAVELER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your family may be doing this in an attempt to "encourage" you to work harder at losing weight. However, if you are more comfortable traveling by car, then that's what you should be doing.

DEAR ABBY: We have a co-worker who has been internet dating. She constantly tells her co-workers how horrible the men are and says the same thing about the dates.

How do we tell her that it's not the men, but her? -- STUMPED IN SANTA MONICA, CALIF.

DEAR STUMPED: If you're smart, you won't -- unless she asks.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an educated, attractive 24-year-old woman who hasn't dated much. I'm eager to break out of my shell and start putting myself out there, but I'm afraid my shyness may make me unapproachable.

How do I strike up a pleasant conversation with a cute guy at the gym or a friendly customer at work? It looks easy in the movies, but this is real life. I don't want my awkwardness to hold me back.

Have you written anything about this? Can you give me some tips on how I can bring myself to be sociable? -- PERPETUAL NOVICE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NOVICE: Gladly. Start today by making a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone. It's friendly and welcoming.

At the gym, ask other members about their routine or the machines they're using. When greeting a customer, lead off with a friendly remark or a compliment. I have met very few people who don't like receiving one, as long as it's sincere. ("Nice shirt," "Nice cellphone," etc.)

If you freeze up, keep in mind that the majority of people have the same insecurities that you do. My booklet "How to Be Popular" contains many useful tips for polishing social skills for people of all ages. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Please allow four to six weeks for delivery. A surefire way to contribute in any social situation is to be well-informed about what's going on in the world. You do not have to be an authority on every subject.

Good conversationalists are interested in what others have to say rather than feel pressured to fill the air with the sound of their own voices. And remember: Most people can concentrate on only one thing at a time. So forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person. Ask about what he or she is interested in. If you try it, you'll find that it works.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have good conversations, and he would give me the world if I asked him to. He's kind, gentle and helps me out financially. He opens the car door, cooks and cleans. Basically, he is what every woman wants.

But ... he is lacking in the sex department. He had a groin injury as a child, and later, as an adult, he reinjured "it." Viagra doesn't help. He apologizes when sex lasts less than five or 10 minutes. Sometimes "it" doesn't work for a week or two.

He says he loves me and wants to marry me. But I know I wouldn't be completely happy if I married him. On the other hand, I'm afraid to lose such a good man. I don't want to cheat on him, which is what he said most of his girlfriends have done in the past. What should I do? -- GREAT GUY, BUT --

DEAR G.G.B.: What you should do is be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him it's time for him to consult a urologist, if he hasn't already, because there may be medical help for this. If there is, your problem is solved. If there isn't, then you will have to prioritize what's really important to you in a life partner.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible that people can just fall out of love with each other? We have been married for 21 years and have three kids who are older. Over the last five years, my wife and I have stopped communicating. We don't do anything together and have little desire to be with each other anymore.

We are good parents, but as far as being husband and wife, we have pretty much neglected each other emotionally and physically. Neither of us has strayed.

We haven't been to a marriage counselor because I just don't love my wife anymore, and I'm not saying this to be mean. It's just how I feel. We have failed each other miserably as husband and wife, and she deserves better. She has been a great mom to our three kids, and I would never take that away from her.

Can people stay in a loveless marriage? We have talked it over, and we both agree there's nothing left here for each other. I have already told her she needs to do whatever it takes to make herself happy because I can no longer be here for her emotionally or physically. -- FELL OUT OF LOVE

DEAR FELL OUT OF LOVE: People sometimes remain in loveless marriages for religious or financial reasons, because they are afraid a divorce would traumatize the children, or because they are afraid of being alone. If you and your wife agree that there is nothing left for either of you, and marriage counseling won't fix the dysfunction in your relationship, then the logical next step would be an amicable separation or divorce.

DEAR ABBY: I have the most amazing husband. He helps with the housework, provides for us and loves me unconditionally. Not a day goes by that I don't hear how precious I am to him. It's like a fairy tale. Except -- we never had a formal wedding, just a courthouse ceremony with nobody there but us two. You see, we had to get the paperwork done so I wouldn't have to keep renewing my visa status every few months.

Now we can be together in the U.S. with no issues. But I feel like we skipped an important life milestone, and a wedding would be the perfect opportunity to unite both of our families from around the world.

The problem is my husband is happy with the way things are. He refuses to spend money on a party and says, "If we ever have one, it will be when we are rich, stable, and able to afford it by ourselves." (My parents are more than willing to pay!) I feel like a lifelong dream was taken away from me. Your thoughts? -- MISSING OUT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MISSING OUT: My thoughts are you have a stellar husband AND your visa problem is solved. I'd say you have done quite well. If your husband prefers to postpone the fancy celebration until you are more financially stable and foot the bill himself, you should respect him for it. I know I do.