DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my soul mate for 25 years. We get along great -- she's my best friend and a good mother to our three kids. (She takes care of my mom who lives with us, too.) The only problem is, she loves to sleep.

She will do anything for us except wake up a few hours early without being mad at the world. She gets our kids off to school with no problem, but then returns to bed. I run a small construction company and need someone to answer the phones and do secretary stuff. Our books are a mess, the house is decent, but she won't let me hire a part-time secretary.

She gets up at noon and spends the rest of the day "catching up." It's driving a wedge in our marriage. My friends and their wives do things together on weekends, but not mine. She sleeps until 2 or 3 p.m. on the weekends.

I work a lot of Saturdays, and when I go to customers' homes and see the wife outside gardening, it breaks my heart. I have threatened to leave, and she works on it for a couple days and then falls back into the same old habits. Help! -- HURTING HUSBAND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HUSBAND: Not everyone requires the same amount of sleep in order to function. Some folks may be fine with five hours, but others need eight, nine or even 10. If your wife needs more than that, there may be an underlying problem of some kind that she should discuss with her doctor.

In marriage there needs to be compromise. If you are experiencing stress because you don't have enough help in your business, then you need to hire someone because your wife is already doing all she can taking care of three kids and your mother. And you shouldn't need her permission.

DEAR ABBY: At a pool party recently, I complimented another woman on her "good figure" (she was wearing a bikini and looked great in it), but I was told later by a different woman who had been there how "hurtful" my compliment had been to everyone else present because I complimented only the bikini-wearing woman. I felt coerced into apologizing to the second woman for not offering a compliment of some kind to everyone else at the party -- which seems artificial and unnecessary (actually stupid) to me.

The woman looking for the apology left me feeling steamed, and now I'm thinking that maybe I apologized for something I didn't need to. Is it true that you shouldn't compliment one person if you can't manage to do the same for everyone else present? -- POOL PARTY COMPLIMENT

DEAR P.P.C.: No, it's not. I have never heard of that rule of etiquette. Following her logic, you would be compelled to compliment every male at an event if you told one that the tie or shirt he was wearing was nice. I suspect the woman was less hurt than jealous, and I doubt the other women at the pool party were paying much attention to what you said.

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired librarian who lives in Texas. I am what around here is called "Anglo," meaning white and not Hispanic. I speak four languages, with varying degrees of proficiency.

Recently, a friend who is Hispanic told me that if an Anglo speaks Spanish to a Hispanic person, it's considered an insult because it implies that the Hispanic person is "too stupid" to learn English. I had never heard of this before, so I asked a retired college-level Spanish teacher who is also Anglo. She informed me that Hispanic people use the language difference as a "boundary," and my speaking Spanish to them was a violation of their boundaries.

It came as a complete shock! This happened more than a month ago, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I spent a lifetime developing language skills. I always considered speaking another language to be a sign of respect and friendship. Now I'm being told that it's insulting and intrusive?

I can't believe all Hispanic people feel this way, but I don't know what to do with this information. My next-door neighbors are Spanish-speaking. I've always spoken to them in Spanish because it's what I heard from them when I first met them. Now I don't know if I've been insulting them. What should I do? -- IN SHOCK IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR IN SHOCK: After reading your letter, I polled a focus group of Spanish-speaking friends about it. Some said it didn't bother them, but the majority explained that the reaction may depend upon how long the family has been in this country. If it has been several generations, the people you are addressing might identify more as English speakers than Spanish speakers, and consider your addressing them in Spanish to be condescending because it implies that you don't think they have learned English.

So the rule of thumb would be: Assume that everyone speaks English; then if it turns out they don't, use their language.

P.S. If your relationship with your neighbors is a good one, tell them what you were told and ask if you may have offended them because if you have, you would like to apologize.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Jennifer," and I just finished a project and I am so peeved. We usually get along well. That is, until we work together. Then I go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.

I spent 25 years in heavy industrial construction. I have also taken classes in woodworking and metal crafts. My wife has no building skills and no knowledge of how to use power tools. Yet, only minutes after we start, she becomes an engineer and starts telling me how to do things. When it happens, I explode with cursing and throwing things. The thing I yell the most often is, "If you know how to do it, why do you need me?!" -- CAN'T WORK TOGETHER

DEAR CAN'T: Even though you're the expert, it appears your wife would like to offer some creative input. If you become so volatile that you lose control when working on projects with her, the obvious answer is to refrain from doing them together.

DEAR ABBY: I live in Dubai and started reading advice columns around 10 years ago. I find them fascinating as they give me insight into the lives of people who live in different cultures and have very different ways of thinking. I have learned a great deal from these columns and am often impressed with not just the advice, but also the language used in asking and answering.

Because I enjoy them so much, I spend a lot of time every day reading. Some days I pore through the archives, and before I know it, it's time to go home from work.

When I don't have much work to do in the office, it's easy. But lately I have been procrastinating and only finishing tasks just before they are due. I'm fortunate that I work quickly and my work has not been affected negatively yet, but still, this doesn't seem right.

Could you please help me overcome this obsession? Thank you. -- ADDICTED IN DUBAI

DEAR ADDICTED: I agree there is a lot to be learned by reading about the problems and solutions that others have. However, you have gone overboard and need to step on the brakes. Some addicts can manage their addiction by rationing their exposure, while others need to quit cold turkey.

Many companies and employers periodically review what their employees do on their computers during work hours, and people have been fired when employers realize they are devoting little time and energy to the tasks at hand. If you want to spend evenings and weekends entertaining yourself by reading advice columns, no one can argue with it. But from where I sit, you are being unfair to your boss, and indulging in your addiction during work hours could cost you your job.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, we were finishing up the details on my brother's wedding. He's marrying a wedding planner who has a very rigid vision of what she wants. One of these ideas is mixing and matching bridesmaids dresses.

All the bridesmaids were asked to find their own gowns in either one of the wedding colors, which was a creative and cute approach. The problem is, the bride has now requested that extended family members not wear the wedding colors so the bridal party will stand out. Several people took offense and felt "excluded."

I always thought this was a rule of etiquette, but others seemed unaware. Is it OK for the bride to make this request? And shouldn't others be OK with it? -- BEWILDERED BRIDESMAID

DEAR BEWILDERED: The answers to your questions are yes, and yes. The bride's request is a simple one. Unless the people who took offense were upset because they aren't a part of the wedding party -- which is their problem and not the bride's -- no one should have been offended. The malcontents should try to comply to the extent that they can and not rain on the bride's parade.