DEAR ABBY: I am a retired librarian who lives in Texas. I am what around here is called "Anglo," meaning white and not Hispanic. I speak four languages, with varying degrees of proficiency.

Recently, a friend who is Hispanic told me that if an Anglo speaks Spanish to a Hispanic person, it's considered an insult because it implies that the Hispanic person is "too stupid" to learn English. I had never heard of this before, so I asked a retired college-level Spanish teacher who is also Anglo. She informed me that Hispanic people use the language difference as a "boundary," and my speaking Spanish to them was a violation of their boundaries.

It came as a complete shock! This happened more than a month ago, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I spent a lifetime developing language skills. I always considered speaking another language to be a sign of respect and friendship. Now I'm being told that it's insulting and intrusive?

I can't believe all Hispanic people feel this way, but I don't know what to do with this information. My next-door neighbors are Spanish-speaking. I've always spoken to them in Spanish because it's what I heard from them when I first met them. Now I don't know if I've been insulting them. What should I do? -- IN SHOCK IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR IN SHOCK: After reading your letter, I polled a focus group of Spanish-speaking friends about it. Some said it didn't bother them, but the majority explained that the reaction may depend upon how long the family has been in this country. If it has been several generations, the people you are addressing might identify more as English speakers than Spanish speakers, and consider your addressing them in Spanish to be condescending because it implies that you don't think they have learned English.

So the rule of thumb would be: Assume that everyone speaks English; then if it turns out they don't, use their language.

P.S. If your relationship with your neighbors is a good one, tell them what you were told and ask if you may have offended them because if you have, you would like to apologize.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Jennifer," and I just finished a project and I am so peeved. We usually get along well. That is, until we work together. Then I go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.

I spent 25 years in heavy industrial construction. I have also taken classes in woodworking and metal crafts. My wife has no building skills and no knowledge of how to use power tools. Yet, only minutes after we start, she becomes an engineer and starts telling me how to do things. When it happens, I explode with cursing and throwing things. The thing I yell the most often is, "If you know how to do it, why do you need me?!" -- CAN'T WORK TOGETHER

DEAR CAN'T: Even though you're the expert, it appears your wife would like to offer some creative input. If you become so volatile that you lose control when working on projects with her, the obvious answer is to refrain from doing them together.

DEAR ABBY: I live in Dubai and started reading advice columns around 10 years ago. I find them fascinating as they give me insight into the lives of people who live in different cultures and have very different ways of thinking. I have learned a great deal from these columns and am often impressed with not just the advice, but also the language used in asking and answering.

Because I enjoy them so much, I spend a lot of time every day reading. Some days I pore through the archives, and before I know it, it's time to go home from work.

When I don't have much work to do in the office, it's easy. But lately I have been procrastinating and only finishing tasks just before they are due. I'm fortunate that I work quickly and my work has not been affected negatively yet, but still, this doesn't seem right.

Could you please help me overcome this obsession? Thank you. -- ADDICTED IN DUBAI

DEAR ADDICTED: I agree there is a lot to be learned by reading about the problems and solutions that others have. However, you have gone overboard and need to step on the brakes. Some addicts can manage their addiction by rationing their exposure, while others need to quit cold turkey.

Many companies and employers periodically review what their employees do on their computers during work hours, and people have been fired when employers realize they are devoting little time and energy to the tasks at hand. If you want to spend evenings and weekends entertaining yourself by reading advice columns, no one can argue with it. But from where I sit, you are being unfair to your boss, and indulging in your addiction during work hours could cost you your job.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, we were finishing up the details on my brother's wedding. He's marrying a wedding planner who has a very rigid vision of what she wants. One of these ideas is mixing and matching bridesmaids dresses.

All the bridesmaids were asked to find their own gowns in either one of the wedding colors, which was a creative and cute approach. The problem is, the bride has now requested that extended family members not wear the wedding colors so the bridal party will stand out. Several people took offense and felt "excluded."

I always thought this was a rule of etiquette, but others seemed unaware. Is it OK for the bride to make this request? And shouldn't others be OK with it? -- BEWILDERED BRIDESMAID

DEAR BEWILDERED: The answers to your questions are yes, and yes. The bride's request is a simple one. Unless the people who took offense were upset because they aren't a part of the wedding party -- which is their problem and not the bride's -- no one should have been offended. The malcontents should try to comply to the extent that they can and not rain on the bride's parade.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have three children. Before we were married, we discussed that I wanted a big family. He said he didn't want kids at all. This didn't bother me because I had been told I would never be able to have children. We ended up not only having one "surprise" baby, but three.

My dilemma is I desperately want to have more children. My husband has not only said no -- he's said HELL no, over his dead body. Then he got a vasectomy. I feel I'm between a rock and a hard place. I am considering going through a sperm bank. What is your advice? -- MOM OF SURPRISE BABIES

DEAR MOM: You knew before you married your husband how he felt about having a family. You thought you would never have children, but have been blessed with three. Be grateful and quit winners, because if you follow through with what you're considering, you could wind up raising your children alone.

DEAR ABBY: My mom once said that her younger sister had an unwed pregnancy in the early 1940s and gave up a baby girl for adoption. Mom told no one else but me about this. She later said her sister had confessed it to her husband late in life and that he had reacted violently.

I recently attended a family funeral and had a conversation with my cousin, who said he was concerned about possible dementia in his mother because -- among other things -- she had asked him about his older sister. (He doesn't know he had one.) I didn't say otherwise, but I'm debating with myself if I should say anything or just keep quiet. My aunt died last week, after being a widow for several years. -- KEEPER OF A FAMILY SECRET

DEAR KEEPER: If there were anything positive to be gained by revealing this secret, I would advise you to tell your cousin. But there isn't. So keep your mouth shut.

DEAR ABBY: During our many years of married life, we have lived in six neighborhoods. In two of them, there was a married couple comprised of a housewife and what I would call a "garaged husband." These husbands spent all their spare time working and puttering in their garages. One of them worked on his motorcycle and truck; the other rebuilt an antique truck from the ground up. Both created excessive noise with their projects.

One of the men eventually moved his bed into the garage and, not surprisingly, the marriage ended in divorce. The second man spends more time with his youngest son (who also stays in the garage most of the time) than with his wife.

Have your other readers made similar observations? Is this a version of the "man cave" syndrome where men like to hang out? -- ANOTHER HUSBAND IN OREGON

DEAR HUSBAND: I will leave your question open to readers, but I think variations of "garaged husbands" might be ones who render their spouses "sports widows."