DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Kate," approached me on a matter I'm uncomfortable with. For the last 12 years we have laughed, cried, consulted on everything we struggle with and shared our joys. Kate has a great marriage. I'm struggling with the decision to remain in mine.

Recently, Kate, her husband and I were on an outing when they mentioned a menage a trois. It was obvious to me that they have done this before. Kate has been my closest friend for years, but I realize now there's a side to her I never knew.

My resistance to their suggestion seems to have had no effect on her, yet I'm wrestling with my feelings. I'm trying to ignore this and maintain the friendship we had before, but it has been difficult. I wish I had never known, but now that I do, I need help sorting it out. -- MISSING MY BEST FRIEND

DEAR MISSING: How do you feel about the concept of open marriage? Do you approve? Disapprove? When Kate invited you into her marriage -- which is what she and her husband did -- the dynamic of your longtime friendship was changed. If you still felt the same about her, you wouldn't be writing to me.

If you can get past this, you can still be friends. But on some level your relationship will never be as it was before she crossed that boundary.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with "Tim," a man I have been dating for more than a year. We're very much in love and plan to be married one day. My problem is he keeps getting phone calls from old girlfriends. This morning someone called, but hung up when I picked up the phone.

Until now, I have trusted Tim completely. Now I'm afraid perhaps we acted too soon in moving in together.

Tim has always remained friends with all of his girlfriends after their relationships ended. He says they are nothing more than friends now. I think he should have finalized his previous romances before I moved in. I believe he should take the initiative in contacting these women and ask them to respect our relationship by not calling.

How can I handle this without giving him an ultimatum? -- UPSET IN SEATTLE

DEAR UPSET: If, after one hang-up, you are questioning Tim's commitment to you, you're being unfair. It's possible the hang-up was a wrong number or a telemarketing call, and nothing more.

Ask yourself what it is about a hang-up on the telephone that has made you feel so vulnerable. You knew after you had dated Tim for a while that he's the type of person who maintains friendships after the romance fizzles. Relax! And remember the person he invited to share the nest and build a future with was you.

DEAR ABBY: Since my husband and I were married two years ago, my relatives have been asking when we are going to have kids. I know they mean well, but these relatives all have a tendency to talk among themselves once they find juicy gossip to circulate.

I am now pregnant with our first child. I have asked my immediate family to keep the happy news to themselves and let the others find out later in my pregnancy or after the birth of my child.

How do we respond to these nosy, gossipy relatives when they ask, "Why didn't you tell us sooner?" -- STAYING MUM FOR NOW

DEAR STAYING MUM: The answer is, "Because we wanted to keep it private."

DEAR ABBY: I have been concerned about my parents for some time now. They are elderly and live in a retirement community. They have a very nice home and don't have to worry about money.

The problem is, they drink every day -- sometimes from noon to when they go to bed. Many times, their drinking has caused arguments and police visits. When I express my concern about their drinking, they tell me to stay out of it, mind my own business, and they're retired and have earned the right to do whatever they want.

Abby, I don't mind them having cocktails every now and then, but this has gotten out of hand. I think they have become alcoholics and only bad things are coming of it. They refuse to listen to me, or anybody else, for that matter. What should I do? -- WORRIED WILLIAM IN NEW YORK

DEAR WILLIAM: As people age, their bodies are sometimes less able to metabolize alcohol than they were when they were younger. When things get out of hand to the extent that the police are being called, I agree something must be done. Because there is this level of disruption going on, it follows that the neighbors in that very nice retirement community must be less than thrilled.

That your parents drink is only part of the problem. Elderly people can suffer from balance problems even when they are sober. It is common for someone who is inebriated to fall, which could cause your mom or dad to suffer serious injury.

If other family members are also worried about your folks, an intervention might be in order. Before attempting one, attend some Al-Anon meetings so you can listen to others' similar experiences and learn how they were handled. Visit www.al-anon.alateen.org, or call 1-888-4-ALANON to find a meeting near you.

DEAR ABBY: I went out to dinner with a close friend last night. During the hour we were at the restaurant, she made and received no less than 11 cellphone calls. These were entire conversations, not unanswered rings or a quick, "I'm busy now. Call you later."

If there had been extenuating circumstances, maybe I wouldn't feel so offended. But the chats were with a co-worker, someone from church, her boyfriend, her daughter, etc. This friend does "live" on her phone, but this was excessive even for her.

I thought it was ridiculous, and next time I may be "too busy" to meet her for dinner. Should I say something or just avoid or limit meals with her in the future? -- PUT ON HOLD IN TEXAS

DEAR PUT ON HOLD: Tell your friend that you were very hurt by her lack of consideration at dinner because you had looked forward to spending some time with her -- not listening secondhand to her 11 conversations. Her behavior that night was thoughtless and rude, and she owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: Should stepchildren and their offspring be recorded in your family Bible? -- KEEPER OF THE FAMILY BIBLE

DEAR KEEPER: Yes, if they are considered members of the family.

DEAR ABBY: For health reasons, I had been walking during my lunch break at work. That ended last summer when someone unleashed his dog between his house and his car. The dog saw me on the sidewalk, charged, jumped on me and bit me. Thankfully, I put my arm up, so it only got my arm, but now I'm terrified to walk outside for fear of being attacked again.

The bite was nothing compared to the trauma. I'm afraid the fear will be with me for the rest of my life. No one thinks their dog would hurt someone, but I learned the hard way it's not always true. I wish dog owners would be more responsible, not only for their sake, but also for their dog's and other people's. Do you have any thoughts? -- SHELL-SHOCKED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SHELL-SHOCKED: When the attack happened, you should have reported it to animal control and given them the address of the homeowner. If the dog's owner didn't volunteer to see you got help for your injury -- and that includes your emotional trauma -- you should discuss it with a lawyer. If that dog had been a large one, you could have been seriously injured.

Go online to the Humane Society's helpful section on this topic, www.nodogbites.org. As for my thoughts, I think you should resume your exercise routine whenever the weather permits.

DEAR ABBY: My 62-year-old mother is living in a small town with little to offer her. She says the only reason she stays is because her job provides benefits and she's currently going through physical therapy.

Mom is single, has no potential prospects and no social life outside of church. Her friends are all married or have moved away. I feel like she's not living her life fully, and I wish she could find the courage to leave. How can I convince her to be OK with the unknown and move to the big city? -- CITY GAL IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CITY GAL: Does your mother plan to be receiving physical therapy in perpetuity? If not, be patient. Wait until it is finished and find out whether her job offers vacation time. If it does, invite her to visit and show her what the big city has to offer.

If she can't get away, you may have to "entice" her by sending her videos of all the fun things she could be doing if she lived closer. I can't guarantee it will work because it's possible she's happy with her life the way it is. However, if she's not, it might be an effective way to whet her appetite.

DEAR ABBY: At what age do you believe it is appropriate for a girl to start wearing makeup? I don't mean lipstick and huge amounts of eye shadow, but a bit of mascara and lip gloss? -- WONDERING IN THE SUBURBS

DEAR WONDERING: A touch of lip gloss when a girl is in the seventh grade is fine, but she should hold off on the mascara for another year or two.