life

Coaches Have an Obligation to Quiet Obnoxious Parents

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 21st, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I need some words of wisdom from you. This past weekend I went to see my 7-year-old nephew play baseball. These are all young kids just learning the game.

There was one young player whose father kept shouting horrible things at him like, "Catch like a MAN!" and, "I don't know why I waste my time coming here!" It was horrible to see that poor kid just wilt under his father's abuse.

Maybe I should have spoken up, but I was scared. Was there anything I could have said? What can be done under those circumstances? I worry there may be a lot more parents out there like this dad. Say something, Abby! We need your help. -- ASHAMED OF THAT DAD IN DECATUR

DEAR ASHAMED OF THAT DAD: Children who are encouraged usually do well at an activity. Those who are bullied, as that child was, do not. What you witnessed was someone trying to relive his own youth through his child. The person to address the belligerent parent should have been the coach of the team.

AbuseEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Texting Draws Grandma and Girls Closer Together

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 21st, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I just want to let you know you changed my life. I'm 68 years old with two grown girls and two grandchildren. My husband and I had the old-fashioned flip phones and were not "into" texting like our children and grandchildren.

Every few weeks, we'd get the obligatory phone call from one of the daughters, and I would feel a tinge resentful that both of our girls didn't call more. Along came your column about a grandma who was miffed because her family didn't call often and were more into texting. I was thinking, "You go, Grandma!" because I identified with her.

Your answer surprised me. You told Gram to get with the program and enter her kids' world. Well, that's what I did. I got a new cellphone with a keyboard for texting. (Smartphones are not practical where we live.)

Abby, texting has transformed my world! I'm closer than ever with the girls. We send pictures and little "thinking of you" notes. I can never thank you enough for your wise advice. If I hadn't read your response, my life would be the poorer for it. Bless you. -- BARB IN RODEO, N.M.

DEAR BARB: Your letter brightened my day. You're welcome! But kudos to you for taking it to heart. Technology is constantly evolving and becoming easier to use, and it's meant to help bring people closer. I'm glad it has done that for you.

Family & Parenting
life

Ex-Husband Keeps Household in Storage 20 Years After Divorce

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 21st, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What does it say about my ex-husband who has been paying storage fees on household items ever since our separation and divorce over 20 years ago? -- BEVERLY IN NEVADA

DEAR BEVERLY: What it says to me is that your ex is unusually sentimental and/or can afford it.

P.S. And why, after all this time, would you care so much that you would write to me about it?

Marriage & Divorce
life

Girl Fears Mom's Disapproval of Boyfriend She Found Online

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 20th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl, and I'm madly in love with my boyfriend. The only problem is, I can't tell anyone but my closest friends about him. I met him over the internet, and he's an amazing guy. I didn't think I'd ever fall in love with him, but I did. He lives in New York, and I'm planning on going up to see him as soon as I possibly can.

I really, really want to tell my mom, but I don't want to lose him. I know if I say too much about him, she'll find out. He's a better boyfriend than my last boyfriend, and he actually treats me like I'm something and not dirt. He truly saved me, but I know my mom won't see it that way. What do I do? -- IN LOVE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR IN LOVE: Start thinking with your head instead of your heart. There is no guarantee that everything the person -- as nice as he appears to be -- has told you online is true, including his name, his gender, his age, marital status or criminal record.

What you need to do is level with your mom about the fact that you have met someone on the internet you think is special, and ask her if you can invite him to visit YOU so you can get to know each other and she can check him out. You should NOT go to a different city to meet him because to do so could be very dangerous.

TeensLove & Dating
life

Working Different Shifts Leads to Trouble in Bed

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 20th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 50s and have been having marital difficulties lately. We work different shifts. By the time he gets home, I'm sound asleep.

He likes to wake me up in the middle of the night for sex. I told him it's not right because I have to work in the morning. He said he thought he saw in the Dear Abby column that if a husband wakes a wife for sex, she should accommodate him. I told him that was crazy. But I wanted to check with you. Help! -- WEARY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WEARY: He may have read that in some other advice column, but he didn't get permission from me. What I have written is that coercing or bullying someone into doing something of a sexual nature that he or she doesn't want to do is abuse.

Work & SchoolSex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Employee in the Know Keeps Company's Demise a Secret

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 20th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I work for a small company where I am privy to a lot of confidential information, and I know the owner is letting the business die. All of the experienced senior staff have quit because they recognized what's going on, but the new hires think this is normal. These are self-supporting young adults with college loans to pay off. One is a dad with a young child.

I feel so guilty looking for a job while everyone else is clueless about their future. Because it's part of my position to know how we are doing financially, I can't tell them they will be out of jobs soon. Or can I? -- KEEPING A SECRET

DEAR KEEPING: Much as you might wish to, I don't recommend that you spill the beans. If you reveal proprietary information to the other employees, and you signed a confidentiality agreement with your bosses at the time you were hired, as many employees do, you could be sued.

Etiquette & EthicsWork & School
life

Man Can't Muster the Energy to Join Digital Dating World

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 19th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 32 years old and divorced my wife two years ago. Although I tried dating for a bit, it was a brave new world of online apps and profiles. It wasn't for me, and I became discouraged.

A year has gone by and female friends are telling me I need to get back out and date. I find the whole endeavor depressing and prefer to spend my time elsewhere and single. They say my decision to stay single is emotionally driven and I "deserve love."

My argument against dating is that I wasn't a good husband and I have no interest in devoting the time or energy to date in the scary and confusing world of the web. Can you settle this dispute so that we can stop the back-and-forth arguments? -- DIVORCED AND DATELESS

DEAR DIVORCED AND DATELESS: I agree that opening yourself up to strangers can be scary. If you are not interested in meeting women on the internet, I won't force you, even though that's how many -- although not all -- relationships start these days.

Because that's not your cup of tea, there are other ways to meet nice women, among them getting out and participating in activities you enjoy or volunteering for a cause you believe in. Of course, that necessitates being open to having a relationship with someone and believing you deserve one. From the tone of your letter, I'm not sure you're there yet. Not having been a good husband the first time is no excuse if you have learned from your mistakes.

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating
life

Grad Student's Girlfriend Is Embarrassed by Her Lack of Education

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 19th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. He is in grad school. I failed out of community college. My lack of education stresses me out emotionally. I love him very much, and I see a future with him. But the idea of an architect and a community college dropout makes my heart ache. He deserves someone more on his intellectual level. He is originally from another state and this is one of the reasons why I haven't met his family.

I have thought about trying to get a degree to become a certified nursing assistant, but again there would be a gap in our professional levels. I'm afraid that when he does introduce me to his family they will convince him he's better off without me. Part of me believes it's true.

Please give me advice about what to do. I don't want to lose him, but at the same time, I want him to be happy. -- UNEQUAL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR UNEQUAL: I can't help but wonder if you have ever spoken with someone who does career counseling. Some universities and community colleges have extension divisions that offer it. Part of the counseling involves aptitude testing, which could help you determine what you would be good at.

Being a nursing assistant is a respectable career that involves responsibility and people skills. If you feel drawn to it, then that's what you should pursue, and you should not feel embarrassed or have a need to apologize for it.

Work & SchoolLove & Dating

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