life

Handyman's Unwanted Attention Ruins Excitement of New Job

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: About six months ago, I started a new job I really enjoy. A handyman who does odd jobs around the building was working on the floor in my area. He was chatty and I made polite conversation, but now things have escalated.

He has started contacting me on social media to the point where I had to block him. He tries to talk to me daily and I am feeling very uncomfortable. He's twice my age and I have no interest in him, romantically or otherwise.

It has reached the point where I have a great deal of anxiety about going to work. I feel uncomfortable and intimidated. It's especially difficult because I work alone most of the day, so I am nervous he might try to harm me.

How should I approach this without it turning into a huge deal at work? I want to let my manager know, but I'm afraid it'll only cause more issues and make things worse. I'm afraid to make him mad, and afraid about what he might do. Any advice would be great. -- AFRAID HE'LL HARM ME

DEAR AFRAID: Talk to your manager about this immediately. This man should not be attempting to have a personal relationship with you in or out of work. He needs to be told to stop bothering you during work hours or attempting to contact you afterward, because if he doesn't, he could be cited for harassment or lose his job.

Health & SafetyWork & School
life

Dog Sitter Hopes Boyfriend Can Join Her on Weekend Assignments

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and a dog sitter. I work through a company that sets up the visits and stay overnight with different families' dogs.

There's one family I sit for regularly. I absolutely love their two dogs and the family themselves. I stay anywhere from two nights to seven nights and work a second job on the weekdays. After walking, feeding, etc. is done, I have a ton of free time.

My dilemma: I'd like my long-term boyfriend to stay with me for a night or two on the weekends. I'm having trouble figuring out how -- or if -- I should ask them. They have never met my boyfriend, but I have proven my own trustworthiness because they keep asking me to come back.

I will go through my boss first, but I'm worried that the family may be offended if I even ask. Should I ask, or should I just let it be since it's part of my job? Help! -- THE DOG SITTER

DEAR DOG SITTER: You are in the dog-sitting BUSINESS, and if you want to be successful, you need to view it as such. Definitely discuss this question with your employer. Because you are working through a company, that company could be liable for any property loss or damage that might occur while your boyfriend was staying in a client's home with you.

But if there's any question in your mind about how asking your clients to have your boyfriend stay with you in their house will be received, don't do it. Some families have moral values that would preclude unmarried couples sleeping together under their roof. For the sake of your own credibility, please consider what I'm trying to convey to you.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Couple's Spare Bedroom Is No Longer Open for Guests

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 10th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We are a married couple in our 60s and have no close family. Before retirement, we would playfully tease each other that when we retired, we'd turn our spare bedroom into a "fun fantasy adult room." Fast forward -- we now have our special room, and we're having a blast.

Well, we got a call from distant relatives who will be heading our way, and they asked to stay with us for a few days. How do we explain that we have no room for them without causing problems? -- DISCREET IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DISCREET: Be honest -- to a degree. After telling them that you are unable to accommodate them, explain that because you have turned the spare bedroom into an "entertainment center," it is no longer set up for guests, but you'd love to see them while they're in town and take them OUT for dinner. Just remember that if you are asked, you do not have to reveal what kind of games you are playing in there.

Etiquette & EthicsSex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Use of Prosthetic Is Off the List of First-Date Conversation Topics

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 10th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm curious to know your thoughts regarding this dating situation: If a person has a prosthetic and the device isn't obvious, when and how would you recommend it be disclosed to the dating partner? Is it "too much information" to reveal on a first date? Would it be all right to wait a couple of dates, see how they go, and then reveal the fact? Please help, if you can. -- CURIOUS IN LYNCHBURG

DEAR CURIOUS: I see no reason to reveal something like this on a first -- or even second -- date, and certainly not with a virtual stranger. "Prosthetics" of various kinds are common, but few people are willing to discuss the fact that their appearance has been enhanced with false teeth, caps and veneers, breast implants, Botox or a hair transplant. People are more than a prosthetic, so new acquaintances should get to know the person before receiving that information.

Etiquette & EthicsLove & Dating
life

Political Bumper Sticker Becomes Bone of Contention

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 10th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: This politically divisive year has fueled a debate in our family. I like to put a political sticker on my car (on a magnet). That way I can remove it when I want. One of my relatives won't ride in my car if I have my sticker on. I say it's my car and I can put what I want on it. He says I should be "sensitive to others' feelings" when they are in the car. What do you think? -- POLITICALLY STUMPED

DEAR POLITICALLY STUMPED: You have a right to exercise your freedom of expression. If your relative prefers not to ride in a car with a bumper sticker advertising "the other" political party, then he or she should feel free to arrange for alternative transportation.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Pediatrician's Bedside Manner Rubs Mother the Wrong Way

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 9th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I recently took my 5-year-old, "Ralphie," to his pediatrician. While we were waiting to see the doctor, Ralphie played a game on my phone. Then the doctor knocked on the door, entered, said "hi" and smiled. He called my son's name and immediately, without any prompts to get Ralphie's attention, proceeded to take the phone from my son's hand.

You don't simply take things from people's hands to get their attention. Ralphie may be a child, but he is also a person. I would feel different if, after the doctor had tried to get his attention, my son had ignored him.

I understand Ralphie had to get ready to pay attention and follow instructions. If he hadn't, I would have removed the phone myself. This doctor is very competent and has seen Ralphie since the day he was born. He has always been dry and a bit brusque.

How do I tell the doctor that I find what he did unacceptable without risking the relationship? I'm not very assertive. The reason I don't say anything most of the time is because I become angry very easily, and while I understand there are ways to say things, I simply do not possess those skills. My emotions are so strong that I can't find a way of being assertive without saying something rude. What can I do? -- LAURA IN NEW YORK

DEAR LAURA: Ideally, YOU should have asked your son to return your cellphone when you heard the doctor enter. Write him a letter and tell him you were "taken aback" that he would take something from your boy without asking because what happened seemed to you to be disrespectful. Put the letter aside for three days before sending it to be sure your message wasn't written in the heat of anger. You are entitled to express your opinion. And if the doctor's "brusque" manner is off-putting, find another pediatrician.

Health & SafetyEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Niece Is Easy Prey for Uncle With His Hand Out

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 9th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl and I have a job as a barista. I have an uncle who keeps asking to borrow money from me. He always promises he will pay me back, but he was in prison and he's struggling to find a job. He never does repay me, which wouldn't bother me if it were small amounts, but I'm trying to save for a car and college, and he always asks for amounts over $50.

Several adults are telling me he takes advantage of me. I don't know if I should continue to loan him money or tell him no. If I have to refuse him, it will be hard because I have a hard time saying no to others. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be great. -- PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK

DEAR P2P: You are a sweet and generous girl, but you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Part of growing up is learning to stand up for yourself. The next time your uncle asks you for money, tell him that you'll CONSIDER loaning him more after he has repaid you the money he has already borrowed. To do that isn't "mean"; it is intelligent.

TeensFamily & ParentingMoney

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