life

Summer Temperatures Turn Closed Cars Into Deadly Ovens

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 18th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: With summer here, many families will do at least some traveling, which involves spending significant amounts of time in the family car or truck. I'd like to remind your readers that it is now illegal in many states to leave a child, a disabled person or a pet unattended in a vehicle for ANY length of time. The reason is that temperatures inside a vehicle -- especially with the windows rolled up -- can rise to dangerous, even deadly, levels very quickly.

Tests by the National Weather Service have shown that when it's 80 degrees F outside, the interior of a vehicle with the windows rolled up, or just cracked open, can reach 123 degrees within 60 minutes! Such temperatures can induce heat exhaustion, or worse, heat stroke, within a very short time, and quickly kill a child, a pet or a disabled person.

Abby, I urge you in the strongest terms to help spread this vital warning and prevent needless tragedies of this kind. As the National Weather Service says, "Look Before You Lock," and "Beat the Heat -- Check the Back Seat!" -- TOM THE STORM SPOTTER

DEAR TOM: I'm pleased to help you bring this information to the attention of my readers. I was shocked when I read a report by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration stating that an average of 38 children have died in hot cars each year since 1998. More than 70 percent of those deaths were children younger than 2 years of age. How tragic! And readers, not parking in direct sunlight won't make the car significantly cooler. Heat stroke deaths have occurred even when the vehicle was parked in the shade.

Health & Safety
life

Mom Confesses Discomfort in Church Cry Room

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 18th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My family recently moved to a new state and was blessed to find a wonderful new church to attend near our home. There's only one drawback. We have a young toddler, so we sit in the cry room during Mass. At our previous church, the cry room was a place for us to practice church etiquette with our son so that we could someday sit with the rest of the congregation without disturbing the Mass.

The culture at this church is different; the cry room seems more like a playroom. Seeing all the other children running around makes keeping my toddler sitting in the pew nearly impossible (think major meltdowns). If we allow him to play with the other children, we spend the Mass feeling like we've failed as Christian parents. The result is that neither my husband nor I has felt fully present at a Mass in months. Do you have any suggestions for how to reconcile this issue? -- MISSING MASS

DEAR MISSING MASS: From where I sit, you're not only being overly hard on yourselves as parents, but also your small child. Please discuss this with the priest at your new church. Allowing your child to be a child isn't "bad Christian parenting." Few toddlers have a long enough attention span to sit through Mass. The cry room is designed to be like a playground so the children will learn to enjoy going there every Sunday and want to keep coming back until they're old enough for Sunday school. And that's a GOOD thing.

P.S. A way for you and your husband to focus on the Mass each Sunday would be to alternate taking your child to the cry room.

Family & Parenting
life

Man Is Miffed When Woman Is Older Than She Advertised

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 17th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old man who has been meeting women online for a few years. I recently met "Molly," whose profile said she was 60. We dated several times and then she spent a few days at my house. Certain things she said made me suspect she was older. So I looked her name up online and found out she was seven years older than she had advertised.

I consider lying on a dating profile to be similar to lying on a job application. When she asked me when she could come over again, I nicely said I couldn't consider a long-term relationship with someone her age.

So what's the penalty for putting false info on a dating profile? Grounds for dismissal, like with a job? -- WANTS SOMEONE MY OWN AGE

DEAR WANTS: Dating sites are a form of advertising, and as with "buying" any product, the rule is caveat emptor -- let the buyer beware. Many women -- and men -- fudge the truth on dating sites when stating their height, weight, age and income. (There's a saying in journalism: If your mother says she loves you, check it out.)

Not everyone ages at the same rate. Some people are "old" at 45. Others are healthy, vital and energetic at 70. Molly was able to pass for younger than her chronological age. If the number is that important to you, it's your right to move on. But being rigid about age could let a good person slip by. Everyone puts their best foot forward. Get used to it.

Love & Dating
life

Mom Facing Surgery Gets Little Support From Son and His Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 17th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm facing major surgery in Seattle, where my son and his wife live, 2,000 miles from my home. After the surgery, I must stay in town for 10 days until my post-op appointment. Then I'll be given the green light to travel home.

During that period, my son will be working overseas and his wife plans to join him. Because their condo will be empty, I asked if my husband and I could stay there during my recovery. My son informed us that while we are welcome to stay there when they're in town, we are not welcome when they aren't.

My son would never do this to us; I know it came from his wife. I also know that if the request were from HER mother, she'd be welcome in a heartbeat.

I have been nothing but generous and supportive of them. We aren't slobs and would care for the place as if it were our own. I just don't understand. How do I react? What can I say? My son's wife has isolated him from some of his friends, too. -- ACHING IN ALASKA

DEAR ACHING: Your disappointment is understandable, but the way to react is to tell your son that you are disappointed and you will make other arrangements for a place to recuperate. I don't think it would be helpful right now to point out that his wife has isolated him from his friends and appears to be doing the same with his mother and dad. He will figure that out for himself in time, if he doesn't already know.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Teen Fears Past Indiscretions Will Sabotage Future Choices

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 16th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When I was 13 and 14, I sent nude pictures to guys I didn't know over Kik. I am now 15 and interested in a career in education. I have read about educators getting fired for sending pictures. Should I be worried that I will never have a career in education? Or ever get into a good college? -- QUESTIONING TEEN

DEAR QUESTIONING: Sending nude photos at any age, especially if someone is underage, is extremely dangerous to both the sender and recipient, and I hope you will never do it again.

Although some colleges check into the online postings of applicants, I have never heard of any educator who was fired because of something that was posted when the person was 13. So study hard, keep your shirt on and good luck in the field of education.

TeensSex & GenderWork & School
life

Animal Lover Takes Cover When Hunter Talks of Conquests

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 16th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm an animal lover. I have always kept many different kinds of pets. My mother taught me to love and respect all animals, and I have had snakes, turtles, birds and other exotics as well as dogs, cats and rabbits. When I see a dead animal in the road, it makes me so sad I often cry, and the thought of anyone hurting or killing one for fun makes me sick to my stomach.

My problem is a co-worker who sits behind me. He's a hunter who often talks about killing animals, especially snakes and turtles. It is impossible to tune him out, and I'm afraid to ask him to stop. Moving desks is not an option. I often escape to the bathroom when he starts up, but there has to be a better way. I can't be seen crying at my desk when he talks like this because it's unprofessional. -- SNAKE LOVER

DEAR SNAKE LOVER: Your co-worker isn't a mind reader. Dig deep and find the courage to tell him that when he brings up the subject of killing animals, it upsets you and ask him to please stop. If he doesn't, bring it to the attention of your supervisor or HR because it could be considered a form of harassment if it interferes with you doing your job.

Work & School
life

Small Restaurant Has Big Problem With Diners Who Set Up Camp

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 16th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I own a popular small cafe in the city. With only 12 tables (and no use of our patio during inclement weather), the restaurant fills up quickly and there is a long line at the door, especially on weekends.

I'm delighted to have so many wonderful guests and be in this predicament. But what can I do without being rude when, long after their meals, customers don't pick up on hints that we need the table? I think some people genuinely don't realize the imposition, while others simply don't care. How do I politely convey that "time's up"? -- HINT, HINT

DEAR H.H.: I discussed your letter with an experienced restaurateur. He said the answer to your question depends upon whether the "table hogs" (my words) are regular patrons. If they are, let them nurse their coffee and continue their conversations. If they aren't, then simply tell them there is a line of people waiting and you need the table. Business is business.

Etiquette & Ethics

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