life

Man Is Miffed When Woman Is Older Than She Advertised

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 17th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old man who has been meeting women online for a few years. I recently met "Molly," whose profile said she was 60. We dated several times and then she spent a few days at my house. Certain things she said made me suspect she was older. So I looked her name up online and found out she was seven years older than she had advertised.

I consider lying on a dating profile to be similar to lying on a job application. When she asked me when she could come over again, I nicely said I couldn't consider a long-term relationship with someone her age.

So what's the penalty for putting false info on a dating profile? Grounds for dismissal, like with a job? -- WANTS SOMEONE MY OWN AGE

DEAR WANTS: Dating sites are a form of advertising, and as with "buying" any product, the rule is caveat emptor -- let the buyer beware. Many women -- and men -- fudge the truth on dating sites when stating their height, weight, age and income. (There's a saying in journalism: If your mother says she loves you, check it out.)

Not everyone ages at the same rate. Some people are "old" at 45. Others are healthy, vital and energetic at 70. Molly was able to pass for younger than her chronological age. If the number is that important to you, it's your right to move on. But being rigid about age could let a good person slip by. Everyone puts their best foot forward. Get used to it.

Love & Dating
life

Mom Facing Surgery Gets Little Support From Son and His Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 17th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm facing major surgery in Seattle, where my son and his wife live, 2,000 miles from my home. After the surgery, I must stay in town for 10 days until my post-op appointment. Then I'll be given the green light to travel home.

During that period, my son will be working overseas and his wife plans to join him. Because their condo will be empty, I asked if my husband and I could stay there during my recovery. My son informed us that while we are welcome to stay there when they're in town, we are not welcome when they aren't.

My son would never do this to us; I know it came from his wife. I also know that if the request were from HER mother, she'd be welcome in a heartbeat.

I have been nothing but generous and supportive of them. We aren't slobs and would care for the place as if it were our own. I just don't understand. How do I react? What can I say? My son's wife has isolated him from some of his friends, too. -- ACHING IN ALASKA

DEAR ACHING: Your disappointment is understandable, but the way to react is to tell your son that you are disappointed and you will make other arrangements for a place to recuperate. I don't think it would be helpful right now to point out that his wife has isolated him from his friends and appears to be doing the same with his mother and dad. He will figure that out for himself in time, if he doesn't already know.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Teen Fears Past Indiscretions Will Sabotage Future Choices

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 16th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When I was 13 and 14, I sent nude pictures to guys I didn't know over Kik. I am now 15 and interested in a career in education. I have read about educators getting fired for sending pictures. Should I be worried that I will never have a career in education? Or ever get into a good college? -- QUESTIONING TEEN

DEAR QUESTIONING: Sending nude photos at any age, especially if someone is underage, is extremely dangerous to both the sender and recipient, and I hope you will never do it again.

Although some colleges check into the online postings of applicants, I have never heard of any educator who was fired because of something that was posted when the person was 13. So study hard, keep your shirt on and good luck in the field of education.

Work & SchoolSex & GenderTeens
life

Animal Lover Takes Cover When Hunter Talks of Conquests

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 16th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm an animal lover. I have always kept many different kinds of pets. My mother taught me to love and respect all animals, and I have had snakes, turtles, birds and other exotics as well as dogs, cats and rabbits. When I see a dead animal in the road, it makes me so sad I often cry, and the thought of anyone hurting or killing one for fun makes me sick to my stomach.

My problem is a co-worker who sits behind me. He's a hunter who often talks about killing animals, especially snakes and turtles. It is impossible to tune him out, and I'm afraid to ask him to stop. Moving desks is not an option. I often escape to the bathroom when he starts up, but there has to be a better way. I can't be seen crying at my desk when he talks like this because it's unprofessional. -- SNAKE LOVER

DEAR SNAKE LOVER: Your co-worker isn't a mind reader. Dig deep and find the courage to tell him that when he brings up the subject of killing animals, it upsets you and ask him to please stop. If he doesn't, bring it to the attention of your supervisor or HR because it could be considered a form of harassment if it interferes with you doing your job.

Work & School
life

Small Restaurant Has Big Problem With Diners Who Set Up Camp

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 16th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I own a popular small cafe in the city. With only 12 tables (and no use of our patio during inclement weather), the restaurant fills up quickly and there is a long line at the door, especially on weekends.

I'm delighted to have so many wonderful guests and be in this predicament. But what can I do without being rude when, long after their meals, customers don't pick up on hints that we need the table? I think some people genuinely don't realize the imposition, while others simply don't care. How do I politely convey that "time's up"? -- HINT, HINT

DEAR H.H.: I discussed your letter with an experienced restaurateur. He said the answer to your question depends upon whether the "table hogs" (my words) are regular patrons. If they are, let them nurse their coffee and continue their conversations. If they aren't, then simply tell them there is a line of people waiting and you need the table. Business is business.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

'Love Child' Plans Approach to Half-Brother He Never Met

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 15th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Pete," is an only child. His mom, who was married, had an affair with a married man, which resulted in his birth. His mother's husband put his name on the birth certificate, but as a kid, Pete had contact from time to time with his biological father. Both dads have since passed away.

Pete has known for years that his biological father had an older son, but he doesn't know if the son knows he exists. Pete now thinks he may have found his half-brother online and wants to reach out to see if he wants a relationship.

How do we even begin to broach this with the half-brother? Is it worth it? Could it cause more damage than good? If you were my husband or his half-brother, would you want to pursue this? -- FAMILY MATTERS IN TEXAS

DEAR F.M.: The decision about whether to contact a long-lost relative is a very personal one. For some people, the experience is a happy one, but not for others.

Because your husband and his (possible) half-brother are both adults, I can't see how reaching out would be harmful to the man. A way to do it would be for Pete to send him an email or a letter, explain who his biological father was and ask if there is any interest in further contact.

Family & Parenting
life

Woman Asks How to Tell Her Ex She's Getting Married Again

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 15th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I divorced 10 years ago. There were no children involved. After the divorce, we would occasionally get together for a meal. It was during those times that we managed to work through our issues and move forward with our separate lives.

Since then, we have remained in contact occasionally to say happy birthday or update the other on work. We are also friends on Facebook, but our contact does not involve discussion of love interests, family, etc.

Eight years ago, I met a wonderful man who accepts me for who I am. He also understands and supports the type of contact I have with my ex. My beau and I have finally decided to take the plunge and be married. What is the etiquette for letting my ex-husband know that I am remarrying? I know there will be photos posted to Facebook by friends in common. -- SECOND TIME AROUND IN UTAH

DEAR SECOND: Convey that information personally. Because you are on speaking terms, call him and share the happy news. I think he will appreciate hearing it straight from you, just as you would if the situation were reversed.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & Divorce
life

New Technology Requires New Vocabulary

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 15th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: There's an ongoing debate among my group of friends about using the word "texted." When I used it, I was corrected, chastised and told that it is NOT a word. Five years ago, when my daughter was a teenager, I started hearing it used frequently.

I realize that "text" is not a verb, however, times have certainly changed, and many new words and expressions have been added to our vocabulary. Would it only be correct to say, "I sent a text"? Please settle this for us. -- BUSTED BY THE GRAMMAR POLICE

DEAR BUSTED: The English language is constantly evolving, and with the rapid advances in technology, words are added to the lexicon every year. According to Dictionary.com, "texted" is, indeed, a word and you have been using it correctly. However, because a picture is worth a thousand words, rather than tell your friends you got the information from me, consider sending them a descriptive emoji from the both of us.

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