DEAR ABBY: We have been attending the weddings of our friends' children and work colleagues. We enjoy them, but we have noticed a change in some of the traditions.

The best man's and maid of honor's toasts to the bride and groom seem to have devolved into telling stories about their past escapades. This includes tales of all-night partying, how drunk they were, other embarrassing incidents and "digs" at the bride and groom. Some of these speeches can go on for more than 10 minutes!

Abby, many guests attending these celebrations really don't care to hear these kinds of things. I'm sure the couple's new boss or their grandparents are quite shocked at some of the revelations they hear. Has this occasion turned into a roast? -- DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF IT

DEAR DON'T KNOW: It appears that some of the weddings you have attended have. There are occasions when sometimes the less said the better, if only to protect the guilty, and this is one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old woman who enjoys achieving things in life. For example, I recently bought a house and paid for all the remodeling with my own money.

I have been with my boyfriend for seven years (on and off). He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, etc. and because of that, I have always felt a deep connection with him. My problem is he doesn't have goals for the future and just lives his life a day at a time. He's comfortable with his low-income job and doesn't plan on going to school.

He moved into my house six months ago, which makes our relationship that much more serious. Something I absolutely adore about him is his loving nature. He drops whatever he is doing to be there for me emotionally, and everyone who meets him tells me how lucky I am to have found such a great guy.

My question is, should I stay with my loving, caring boyfriend or is it time to find someone with the same goals I have? -- CONFUSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFUSED: Ask yourself which is more important to you -- a loving and emotionally supportive spouse or a hard worker who may be less so. Only you can decide the answer to that question.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mom of three wonderful little girls, but as of late not so wonderful. My husband and I work hard to teach them manners and respect, but we can't seem to get across to them to be grateful for what they have.

We don't have a lot of money because we live on one income, and we don't spoil them often because we can't afford to. Twice now, one of my girls has been unhappy with a gift she received. The first one she threw away; the second she refused to even accept! This isn't how we raised her.

I thought about doing some volunteer work with them, but I fear they are too young for it (4, 7 and 9). I want to raise kind, caring and giving girls. Your thoughts on this matter would be great. -- GRATEFUL MOM IN COLORADO

DEAR GRATEFUL MOM: Your 7- and 9-year-olds are NOT too young to learn that many children have far less than they do. Sometimes people need to see with their own eyes the challenges that others have to cope with in order to appreciate how fortunate they are. I think your idea of having them do some volunteer work with you is an excellent one, and it is not too early to start.

DEAR ABBY: I know you provide a booklet to help teens with questions about sex. But when should I talk to my son or give him a copy? He will turn 9 soon. I know that is young, but kids today are exposed to so much so early. -- KRISTEN IN MARYLAND

DEAR KRISTEN: You're absolutely right; they are. They also mature earlier than children of previous generations. That's why it is so important for parents -- and guardians -- to begin discussing subjects like alcohol, drugs, sex and family values well before their children start experimenting. So talk to your son now. Do not be shocked if he tells you he has already heard it all from contemporaries. If he has, ask him to tell you what he knows, because what he heard may be inaccurate, and it will give you a chance to correct any misinformation.

My booklet "What Every Teen Should Know" can help to start the conversation. It has been distributed in doctors' offices and by educators and religious leaders, as well as parents like you who may find it uncomfortable to discuss these topics with their children. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Before giving your son the booklet, first read it yourself. The more information you can provide, the better prepared your son will be to make informed choices in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I have observed (and experienced) that people won't tell you about a husband's or wife's infidelity while you and your spouse are together. However, they WILL reveal it after the divorce or death. What purpose does that serve?

If people don't want to get involved, then allow me to make a suggestion: Send an unsigned letter in the mail with no return address. There are also phone features that let a person place an anonymous call. Call the workplace of the cheated-on spouse if you don't have his or her cellphone number. However you can, give the person as much information as you know. If you do, maybe a marriage can be saved, or a spouse won't have to deal with an STD. Do you have an opinion, Abby? -- STRICTLY ANONYMOUS

DEAR STRICTLY ANONYMOUS: People who feel compelled to tell others something "for their own good" should closely examine their motives before doing it. Unsigned letters with no return address are usually sent by cranks trying to target someone they want to hurt, or to destroy a marriage. If someone takes it upon him- or herself to notify a spouse about a mate's cheating, that person should be honest enough to state who he/she is. If people can't do that, they should mind their own business.

While some wives -- or husbands -- may be ignorant about their spouse's infidelity, the truth is that many already do know something is wrong, but are not yet ready to deal with it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my mid-30s who has recently recognized a pattern in my romantic relationships. A few of them lasted for several years, before they ended for various reasons. In between, I've gone a couple of years before seeking out and starting a new relationship. In the in-between time, I go online and meet people I have no intention of meeting in "real life," but who provide conversation and intimacy while I enjoy single life.

I'm about to repeat the pattern again. I'm a few months out of a three-year relationship and have met someone online. It's great to chat online and over the phone, but we are not close geographically, and I have no intention of meeting in person. What's your insight on this, and do you think this is healthy for me? Any ideas you can offer regarding this pattern? -- NEW RELATIONSHIPS

DEAR NEW: I wish you had told me more about the circumstances of your breakups. Were they your idea or the other person's? If they weren't your idea, you may be using the in-between relationships as a safe form of entertainment while you are healing.

If you are upfront with the people you're meeting online, and they realize you have no intention of letting these friendships go anywhere, then I suppose they are healthy for all concerned. If not, then what you are doing shows not only a lack of character, but also a lack of sensitivity for the feelings of others, and it may be one of the reasons your long-term relationships aren't lasting.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother gets on my case all the time because I don't clean the bathroom every day. She grew up in the '50s and '60s and was a stay-at-home mom to two boys. However, I am a graduate student with a part-time job. I spend hours studying, and when I get some free time, I use it to do things I actually want to do.

My grandmother insists that everyone she knows/knew cleans their house every day, and when she talks about cleaning the bathroom, she doesn't mean just picking things up; she means spraying down all surfaces and getting out the bleach or foam spray to clean down the bathtub. I don't think she understands that no one I know -- at least my age -- cleans their house that way every single day, and that because I'm busy most days and often tired, I don't want to come home and clean the whole house.

Am I lazy, or am I right in telling her that I will not deep-clean my bathroom/apartment every day? (I think deep-cleaning every two weeks is fine.) The free time I have is precious. How often is appropriate? -- SOUTHERN MARIE

DEAR SOUTHERN MARIE: If you haven't been able to convince your grandmother by now that your circumstances are different, the chances of it happening are slim to none. Under normal circumstances, deep-cleaning your bathroom once a week is fine and should keep it sparkling. If you're smart, you'll avoid arguing with her about this, because it's a waste of breath.