life

Culinary School Deployment Is Dream for Military Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 9th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm confused about what to do and need help. I've been married for two years and I love my husband, but he is in the military and I have big dreams.

The fact that he is military means where he goes, I go. There's no moving to where I want. My dream is to go to Le Cordon Bleu in Paris, but it's a two-year program. If I follow my dream and career, it would mean two years completely apart because, with culinary school, there are no summer breaks.

My husband says I can follow that dream, but I know it would place a HUGE strain on our marriage. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- DREAMING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DREAMING: If your husband were deployed to a war zone for two years, there would be a long separation. While it might strain the marriage, the separation would not necessarily destroy it.

A degree from Le Cordon Bleu will enhance your career path in the future, which would benefit both of you. There's no reward without some risk, but if you do not pursue your dream, you may resent your husband in the future. He says you have his blessing to follow your dream, so do it!

Marriage & Divorce
life

Causes Teen Supports Earn Mother's Disapproval

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 9th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a gifted, introverted, Christian 13-year-old female with a strong sense of right and wrong. I disagree with some things my parents condemn as sinful.

I want to support gay rights and animal rights. My mother, in particular, takes the Bible literally, while I am more open. I want to take action to support these causes I know are right, but I'm afraid she will be angry.

I love my mother so much, Abby, and this makes me so sad. Please help me. -- MS. KITTY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MS. KITTY: Please don't be sad. Instead, be patient. There is no way to change the thinking of someone who takes the Bible -- or any holy book, for that matter -- literally. Do what you can now, but you may have to wait until you are older and on your own to become fully active in the causes you feel are important.

Family & ParentingTeens
life

Bag Doesn't Cover Shopper's Embarrassment at the Checkout

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 9th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have developed a medical condition that requires me to wear adult diapers. That's hard enough for me, but why, when you get to the checkout, do they ask, "Do you want a bag for this?" Of course I do! I really don't want to flaunt the fact I wear a diaper all through the parking lot. I am neither young nor ancient -- somewhere in between -- and I never thought I'd ever use this product before age 80. -- HARD FOR ME

DEAR HARD: Whether a customer would like a bag for his or her purchases is a question that baggers ask hundreds of times a day, to the point that it becomes automatic. The way to deal with this potentially embarrassing encounter would be to provide your own carryout bags when buying adult diapers. Many shoppers use them as a way to protect the environment. Alternatively, consider ordering the diapers online.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Wife Questions Care Received at Out-of-Town Walk-In Clinic

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 8th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: On a recent trip out of state, my husband became ill. The hotel we stayed in referred us to a nearby urgent care walk-in clinic.

The nurse took his blood pressure, which was very high. The "doctor" never took his temperature or mentioned the high blood pressure to us. He prescribed six drugs and we went on our way. My husband was happy; I was not.

When we returned home, I looked up the doctor's name on the internet. Actually, he was a physician's assistant, not a medical doctor. Abby, what should people do if they become sick while traveling? -- TRAVELING MEDICAL EMERGENCY

DEAR T.M.E.: You have asked an excellent question, one that may help many other people.

It is always wise when you travel to bring along a list of any medications you're taking and a copy of your medical records. Medical records are online these days and can be emailed to you upon request. A lot of health insurance companies offer a 24-hour service to call for a referral to a physician in whatever locale you happen to be.

Physician assistants are standard in many areas of the country as long as they are supervised by a physician -- and in your husband's case, there should have been an M.D. on the premises. You, as the consumer, have a right to ask questions. It would not have been out of line to inquire about the certification of the person who was treating your husband, or to ask to see the supervising M.D.

If the medical emergency is dire, take no chances and call 911. If someone is really sick (having chest pains, muscle weakness, trouble speaking), an emergency room is better than an urgent care because more expertise and testing are available onsite.

Health & Safety
life

Not Every Husband Has to Have a Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 8th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: We are a married male couple. It is always awkward to use the word "husband" when I'm referring to or asked about my spouse, because heterosexuals seem to think that if I have a "husband," then that makes me a "wife." Nope!

I have started using "husband" and not "partner" because we are legally married and have been together for 18 years. Lesbians seem to have no trouble using "wife" when referring to each other. Why then does there seem to be a problem with male couples using "husband and husband" without it seeming awkward for heterosexuals?

I have experienced this problem many times, and so have other male couples we know. Is there another term that's better than "husband"? -- PERPLEXED IN PHOENIX

DEAR PERPLEXED: You could use the word "spouse," but using the word "husband" is preferable. ("Partner" may be appropriate, but in my opinion, it does not accurately describe your status as a married person.) People may be jolted to hear married male couples refer to each other as husband because same-sex marriage is still new in many areas of the country.

Personally, I think you should use the word "husband" and be confident in doing so. The more you do, the greater the opportunity for the larger population to become accustomed to hearing it used.

Marriage & DivorceEtiquette & Ethics
life

Stepson Is on Losing End of Misspent Child Support

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 7th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have an 8-year-old stepson, "Kaden," whom I love dearly. Kaden spends the bulk of his time with his mother on the other side of the country. When he comes to visit us in the summer, his clothing and shoes are always ragged and a few sizes too small.

My husband pays child support and buys Kaden a new wardrobe every six months. Yet every time he comes to us, he's never wearing anything his dad and I bought him, but what appear to be hand-me-down rags. We have spoken to the mother many times about it, but nothing changes.

We feel if we stop buying clothes for Kaden it would punish him, when it is his mom who isn't spending the child support money on the boy. We have paid for extracurricular activities (sports) only for her to not take him there. She lies and says he doesn't want to go, but we get a different story from the boy. He says she says, "Judo isn't a real sport." He has gained weight and we don't want him to be picked on for it.

The state where the boy lives is not good about giving fathers custody of their kids, and the mom is not necessarily unfit. How can we make her see she's hurting her kid? -- MOTHER DOESN'T KNOW BEST

DEAR M.D.K.B.: You can't "make" another adult do something she isn't inclined to do. However, what you can do is enroll Kaden in sports programs when he visits you during the summer months.

You and your husband can also talk to a family law attorney and find out at what age Kaden will be able to legally request to be placed with you. While a young child may not be able to do this, I believe a teenager can make a compelling case for it. If Kaden's mother has been depriving him, it would make a persuasive argument for a change in custody.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceMoney
life

Tween With a Crush Is Unsure of Her First Step

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 7th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I really like this guy named "Gary." He's super sweet, funny, cute and just incredible. He's my brother's friend.

I'm in sixth grade and he's in fifth. I think he might like me back. He asked me to follow his new Instagram account, and when I told him to tell my brother hi, he stared at me for a few seconds longer (plus he was smiling the whole time). One of my girlfriends sort of likes him, too.

What do I do? How do I tell him I like him? Is it OK for me to ask him to go to the park? His brother and my brother could go, too. Please help me. What do I do? -- GIRL IN EL PASO, TEXAS

DEAR GIRL: If Gary wants you to follow his Instagram account, it's a pretty good sign that he has positive feelings for you. If you want to ask him to go to the park, and your parents don't mind, go ahead and do it. But let me offer a couple of suggestions:

If you ask him, DO include your brother and his brother because being with others will make it more fun. And, everybody loves a compliment. The compliment doesn't have to be as blatant as "I like you," which could embarrass some boys his age. A simple, "I think you're great because (you're really smart, you're good at sports, you're fun to be around, etc.)" should do the trick.

Love & Dating

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