DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for five. We have an 8-year-old daughter. Yes, the math is clear -- she was a "love child." My family is religious, and although I was 22 at the time of my pregnancy, they announced that I would not be having a baby shower because I had conceived in sin and it wouldn't look right.

My sister and her husband of five years recently announced that she is pregnant and I am expected to attend showers and parties for her. Am I wrong for not wanting to go? I'll gladly send a gift and be there when the baby is born, but I'd prefer to avoid having to attend any social function where I am shamed for living differently. Her friends are so judgmental that if they suspect you smoke, drink or curse, they roll their eyes and go out of their way to avoid you. -- SHAMED IN DELAWARE

DEAR SHAMED: Baby showers are intended to welcome a new life into the world. They are not supposed to be vehicles for shaming anyone. Frankly, I'm surprised that some of your less religiously fervent friends didn't get together to see that you were given one. Because you and your sister's judgmental crowd have so little in common and you would prefer to avoid them, you have my blessing.

DEAR ABBY: Two teenage boys who live on our block frequently ride their skateboards in the street. They wear no protective padding or helmets and pay no attention to their surroundings. They stay out at all hours in the summer, come flying into the street and swerve over both lanes of traffic. I have seen cars narrowly avoid hitting them many times, and I hear cars honking at them and drivers shouting.

Their parents don't seem to care. They also let their dogs run loose around the neighborhood and into the street, and often back out of their driveway without looking. I know I'll get nowhere speaking to them.

I'm terrified that I'll hit one of the boys with my car. I have come close twice and got dirty looks from them both times. I warn my visitors to watch out for them. I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before something awful happens, and I don't want to go to jail or live with a lifetime of guilt because of their irresponsible behavior. Any ideas? -- NERVOUS IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NERVOUS: Regardless of whether you think it will get you anywhere, talk to the parents about how dangerous their teenagers' behavior is, and when you do, explain that there have been a couple of near misses. After that, if the boys continue to ride in the street, mention it to your local police department and perhaps the boys will be cited for their recklessness. (Some communities have ordinances requiring the use of helmets.) If the dogs create a nuisance, contact animal control. After that, que sera, sera, and your conscience should be clear.

DEAR ABBY: As a 13-year-old girl, how can I look presentable? Doesn't looking presentable attract boys? -- NEW AT IT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NEW AT IT: Looking presentable attracts everyone. It doesn't have to involve spending a lot of money. Bathe or shower regularly, be sure your hair is combed and tidy and the clothes you wear are clean. Looking presentable sends a message that you have pride in yourself and respect for others -- and that includes adults and other girls.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend I have traveled with for many years. The last few years she has been showing increasing signs of confusion and forgetfulness. She has difficulty managing her paperwork for travel and remembering what our plans are for the next day.

On the most recent trip she picked up other people's coats and insisted they were hers. My attempts to discuss this with her only made things worse and led to her accusing me of destroying her confidence. I believe this is the onset of dementia. How can I help her? -- NOTICING THINGS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOTICING: You are describing a serious and progressive problem. If your good friend has a spouse, children or siblings, they should be notified about what you have observed.

If she has no one, then someone at Social Services or Adult Protective Services should be contacted before your friend gets herself into serious trouble by forgetting to pay her bills, or getting lost while driving her car.

DEAR ABBY: Have you any suggestions about letting go? A former friend is involved in a New Age sex group. He can no longer hold a casual conversation without expounding on their practices and "theology," as he considers it. My rational self understands that his life is his to do with as he wishes, but my emotional self grieves that he is distancing himself from family and friends.

I know I'm not my brother's keeper, but he was like a brother to me, and I blame myself that I was unable to reach him when this was merely something he was curious about instead of a radical new lifestyle. How do I accept that he's a lost cause and quit worrying about him? -- NOT MY BROTHER'S KEEPER

DEAR NOT: Because you are having trouble accepting that your former friend is a "lost cause," view it as his having taken a different path than you have chosen. If you prefer not to hear about your friend's alternative lifestyle, you should say so.

If he respects your feelings, he will stick to subjects the two of you have in common and quit "expounding." If he can't do that, then recognize that as much as you might wish to, you can't live someone else's life, and then move on because friendships either evolve or they wither.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son and I are having a debate and would love your take on the matter. I think if you stand in a grocery store checkout line and read a magazine without buying it that it's stealing. He doesn't agree. What do you say? -- JUST LOOKING

DEAR JUST: If your son is reading the magazine from cover to cover, then I agree he's helping himself to something he's not entitled to. If he is only "sampling" to see if there are enough articles in the magazine that he thinks it's worth buying, I wouldn't call it theft. Using your yardstick, judging from the number of people I have seen at checkout counters with their noses buried in the tabloids, that would make us a nation of thieves.

DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old son, "Evan," recently moved out to be with his girlfriend. They live in a small apartment and cannot afford a lot beyond the basics, including internet. They spend every moment at my house when they are not working. They use our internet, eat our food and drink our beverages. I know this may sound terrible, but I want my freedom!

I don't feel I should be obligated to give them free food and internet every day, considering that they show up with new phones and new speakers in their cars. When I try to discuss it with them, they accuse me of being "mean." They don't comprehend why I feel taken advantage of.

If they would come to visit with me instead of just hanging around, I'd welcome it. But neither of them hardly speaks to me while they're here. How do I approach this without making Evan and his girlfriend feel completely unwelcome? -- MOM NEEDING SPACE IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: Set some boundaries by telling Evan and his girlfriend a version of what you have written to me. Explain that they're welcome to come over once a week or twice a month -- provided they act like good guests while they're there. Then describe for them what that means, including staying off the internet and leaving their new cellphones in the car.

And while you're at it, don't forget to mention that gracious guests occasionally invite their hostess OUT for a bite. That's not being "mean"; it's explaining the facts of life they seem to have missed while becoming the adults they are.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old granddaughter has always been shy and quiet. Boys at school sometimes approach her to "date." She likes one really sweet boy who is kind of shy like she is. He held her hand for the first time recently (she was wearing gloves) and she freaked out! Now she walks around with her hands in her pockets when she's around him.

Why is she so afraid? She can't relax and just like him. Please tell my daughter and me how to handle this. Does my granddaughter need to see a doctor? -- GRANDMA PEGGY

DEAR GRANDMA PEGGY: The person you should ask about the reason for her extreme reaction after that boy held her hand is your granddaughter. She is either not ready to have a relationship with a boy -- not all teens mature at the same rate -- or she may not be as into the young man as you think she is.

If she's comfortable the way she is, don't push her. If she indicates to you that she's unhappy, THAT's the time to enlist the help of a doctor or licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: Should I be offended that my in-laws set up a college savings fund for my children but didn't allow me -- only my wife -- to be an authorized signer on the accounts? I am grateful, but I also feel slighted. Am I wrong to feel the way I do about this situation? -- LEFT OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT OUT: Right or wrong, your feelings are your feelings. If you want to know whether they are valid, while you are thanking them for their generosity, ask your in-laws why they arranged the fund that way.