DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old son, "Evan," recently moved out to be with his girlfriend. They live in a small apartment and cannot afford a lot beyond the basics, including internet. They spend every moment at my house when they are not working. They use our internet, eat our food and drink our beverages. I know this may sound terrible, but I want my freedom!

I don't feel I should be obligated to give them free food and internet every day, considering that they show up with new phones and new speakers in their cars. When I try to discuss it with them, they accuse me of being "mean." They don't comprehend why I feel taken advantage of.

If they would come to visit with me instead of just hanging around, I'd welcome it. But neither of them hardly speaks to me while they're here. How do I approach this without making Evan and his girlfriend feel completely unwelcome? -- MOM NEEDING SPACE IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: Set some boundaries by telling Evan and his girlfriend a version of what you have written to me. Explain that they're welcome to come over once a week or twice a month -- provided they act like good guests while they're there. Then describe for them what that means, including staying off the internet and leaving their new cellphones in the car.

And while you're at it, don't forget to mention that gracious guests occasionally invite their hostess OUT for a bite. That's not being "mean"; it's explaining the facts of life they seem to have missed while becoming the adults they are.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old granddaughter has always been shy and quiet. Boys at school sometimes approach her to "date." She likes one really sweet boy who is kind of shy like she is. He held her hand for the first time recently (she was wearing gloves) and she freaked out! Now she walks around with her hands in her pockets when she's around him.

Why is she so afraid? She can't relax and just like him. Please tell my daughter and me how to handle this. Does my granddaughter need to see a doctor? -- GRANDMA PEGGY

DEAR GRANDMA PEGGY: The person you should ask about the reason for her extreme reaction after that boy held her hand is your granddaughter. She is either not ready to have a relationship with a boy -- not all teens mature at the same rate -- or she may not be as into the young man as you think she is.

If she's comfortable the way she is, don't push her. If she indicates to you that she's unhappy, THAT's the time to enlist the help of a doctor or licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: Should I be offended that my in-laws set up a college savings fund for my children but didn't allow me -- only my wife -- to be an authorized signer on the accounts? I am grateful, but I also feel slighted. Am I wrong to feel the way I do about this situation? -- LEFT OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT OUT: Right or wrong, your feelings are your feelings. If you want to know whether they are valid, while you are thanking them for their generosity, ask your in-laws why they arranged the fund that way.

DEAR ABBY: I have fought obesity all of my adult life, and my weight has yo-yoed over the years. My problem is, when I go to the doctor's office and I am taken to the exam area, the scale is right out in the open where other patients come and go as well as all the office personnel.

Mind you, I don't care if I am weighed in the presence of people walking around -- if they don't peek. However, when the medical assistant is done weighing me, she reads the scale out loud. I have felt humiliated when other patients are walking past. I have put up with this for years.

Recently, this medical assistant weighed me and I just knew she was going to "announce" my weight. This time there was a man I could tell was a patient, standing nearby at the reception window staring intently at me getting weighed. Because I was sure the M.A. was going to say it out loud, I started to cough to try to muffle the sound of her voice. It worked, but then she acted irritated because of my coughing, so she repeated it loudly. I was very embarrassed, to say the least. When the doctor saw me, I was afraid to say anything as I didn't want to get anybody in trouble.

I graduated from a medical assistant school many years ago and I remember the registered nurse who was our instructor taught us to never say out loud somebody's weight when you weigh him or her. It only makes common sense. I no longer want to go back to that doctor's office.

Do you have any advice for me when this happens again? I say again because it happens at other doctor's offices I visit as well. I am at a loss here. I would appreciate your input. -- STILL STINGING IN NEVADA

DEAR STILL STINGING: The first time it happened, you should have quietly mentioned to the medical assistant that she embarrassed you, and asked her please not to do it again. When it happened a second time, you should have spoken to the doctor about it. You are far from the only person who is sensitive about weight. If I were that physician, I'd certainly want to know why patients were disappearing from my practice. Wouldn't you?

DEAR ABBY: I do a lot of home canning, and last year our farm was very profitable. I canned more than 300 jars of jellies, juices, apple sauce and soups. I gave many of these away as gifts.

My dilemma is, most of the time no one gives me the jars back. Canning jars are the most expensive part of canning. Would you please help me get the word out to return the jars when they are empty? -- DEBBIE IN DERBY, N.Y.

DEAR DEBBIE: I'm glad to put out the word. But don't you think it would be more effective if you simply asked that the jars be returned if the recipients want to continue receiving these generous gifts from you? Attaching a "Please return to (blank)" label might help.

DEAR ABBY: I met "Edward" at work six years ago. We were instantly attracted to each other and soon began an affair. We are both married to others.

I never thought I could stray outside my marriage, even though my marriage has been very lonely. I love Edward more than I ever thought possible, but even though he has strong feelings for me, he says he will never file for divorce from his wife.

We are still involved, but I am heartbroken that he doesn't want me enough to leave her. He has never said that he loves his wife, just that he doesn't believe in divorce. I have never felt such a strong connection with anyone, ever!

My head tells me to forget him, but my heart won't allow it. I am so sad and depressed that I can't function some days. How can I move past this man and regain my self-worth? -- NEED TO MOVE FORWARD

DEAR NEED TO MOVE FORWARD: You wrote that your lover has never said he loves his wife. You think he has strong feelings for you, but has he ever defined them as "love"? Has it occurred to you that what he "loves" may be his financial net worth, and THAT is the reason he will never divorce his wife?

I don't blame you for feeling sad and depressed. If I were you, I'd feel sad and depressed too. You have violated your own principles and are in a relationship that, much as you might wish it, will never bring you the validation you're looking for. When you start liking yourself again, you may find that you need him less. And that is when you'll end this affair and reconnect with your sense of self-worth, because as it stands, you cannot have both.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter came home for spring break from college with troubling news. She has been sexually harassed by a very large and aggressive lesbian in her dorm this year. When the girl first came on to her, my daughter told her NO. Later, on two separate occasions, the girl pushed her to the floor and groped her in the lobby of the dorm.

My daughter was afraid to fight the girl because she's small. She was also afraid to report it -- I guess she thought it was an isolated incident.

Recently she found out that the girl has done the same thing to several other girls. They all went to the Title IX people on campus to file a complaint, but were told they won't get any answers until late summer, which is after school is out.

Is this kind of harassment common in our schools? Should she take it to the campus police or city police? Our daughter really likes her college, but she shouldn't have to put up with this. -- TROUBLING NEWS

DEAR TROUBLING NEWS: I agree that your daughter -- and the other girls -- should not have to put up with being assaulted. I wish you had revealed a little bit more about what happened when the assaults were reported. Was the aggressor counseled? Warned to stay away from the girls she had harassed? Removed from the dorm?

If nothing was done, before informing the police, I'm advising you to discuss this with a lawyer because a school that would ignore what happened may be liable.