DEAR ABBY: During a recent family dinner, my uncle presented an odd gift to everyone there. He's in his mid-50s and involved in the community and government of a small town. He and other "public figures" -- most of them older -- decided to publish a calendar. On each page there is a nude photo of an aging community luminary posing with strategically placed objects covering his/her "goods." To say the least, the photos are not flattering, funny or particularly modest.

Not only did my uncle give one to every family member -- including my 80-year-old grandparents -- but he took pains to point out HIS photo. The awkward silence that followed ruined an otherwise nice family dinner.

Did this gift cross the line? Is there a rule of etiquette regarding risque pictures of oneself? And how do I make sure I never have to see any other family members in their birthday suits without my consent? -- FLABBERGASTED IN THE HEARTLAND

DEAR "FLAB": Personally, I think the premise of the calendar is a hoot. While your uncle may have wanted to "shock" the family, I'm sure he didn't intend to offend anyone. A movie was made a few years ago about a group of older women in an English village who did something similar to raise money for charity.

I'm sorry your family was offended, but I'm sure they'll recover and so will you. In the future, don't accept any gifts from this relative unless they have a warning label.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Sara" invites herself and her two children over to play with mine from time to time. When it's time to have a snack or eat, she and her kids make themselves at home -- especially with the milk.

Abby, I work 70 hours a week. My children eat cereal often and love milk, but because of my schedule, I don't get a chance to go grocery shopping as often as I should. (I am a single parent.) How do I politely tell my friend that it's fine to make herself at home, but getting both of her children refills of milk without asking me is taking it too far? She knows I can afford it, but I'm uncomfortable asking because I don't know how to draw the line. -- WORKING MOM OUT WEST

DEAR WORKING MOM: I assume you communicate with Sara outside of her drop-in visits to your home? The next time you talk, text or email her, explain that you love her company and she's always welcome, but because of your 70-hour work schedule you don't get to the market as often as she does -- so when she brings her kids, please also bring a quart of milk with her. To do that is stating the facts, it isn't rude and it isn't asking too much. If she's your friend, and not a user, she will comply.

DEAR ABBY: Was I spreading gossip by telling my former husband that our granddaughter's wedding was off? We had just returned from their engagement party. It is my understanding that one wants to cancel, while the other wants to go through with it.

The wedding is a year away and this has been the talk of the family for the past six months. Apparently, there has been trouble in paradise because she had an affair. As a result, they are now going to counseling. Our granddaughter said she was going to move back in with her mother for a while. -- "GOSSIP" IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR "GOSSIP": While news that the wedding may be off should be the privilege of the engaged couple to reveal, I don't think telling your former husband there is trouble in paradise and what it entailed was gossip. It is not a secret within the family, and her grandfather is a relative regardless of the fact that the two of you are divorced.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old (American) boy with a problem. I act childish, as in hugging my mom every day and saying "I love you" to her. If anyone in my middle school finds out about this, I'm dead meat. Could you please give me some advice? -- SAD IN SOUTH KOREA

DEAR SAD: Gladly. Hugging one's mother and telling her you love her is nothing to be embarrassed about. It isn't "childish," but shows you are a caring son and have a great relationship with her. (Not all teenagers, or their moms, are so lucky.) I see no reason to announce anything to your schoolmates that's private -- first, because the relationship you have with your mom is none of their business, and second, they probably hug their mothers, too.

DEAR ABBY: Can you help me understand something that's bothering me? Since when is it OK for kids to stand in front of stores and ask for money for things (sports teams, group trips, etc.)?

When I was growing up (not that long ago), we held car washes and bake sales and sold candy bars. This standing and asking for money without doing something to earn it drives me nuts! I have often been tempted to say something, but always bite my tongue so as not to cause a scene, but I'm fed up! -- VENTING IN FLORIDA

DEAR VENTING: I confess, when I first started reading your letter, I thought you were a curmudgeon. By the time I reached the end, I realized you have a valid point. This may happen because the adults involved in the fundraising are unimaginative and don't realize the message this sends to the kids is a poor one.

Because it bothers you, talk to the manager of the store where this is allowed because not all businesses encourage it. You could also write a letter to your local newspaper and call attention to the fact that when organizations do this, it teaches young people they can get something for nothing.

DEAR ABBY: My parents and I live on opposite coasts of the United States. I have visited them many times over the years. I'd like them to visit me, but my mother refuses to travel. (She is healthy and not scared of flying or traveling.)

At first, she said she didn't have the money, so I offered to pay for the ticket and lodging here in California. Her next excuse was she didn't have the time off, so I suggested she request it months in advance, or travel during her company's annual two-week shutdown. She wouldn't consider it.

My sister, who lives in the South, has had the same problem with Mom. We have told her how it makes us feel and asked her why she won't travel to either of us. Mom just mumbles that she knows how we feel, but she will give us no reason. Even Dad has become fed up with Mom's inertia, so he came to visit me on one trip and my sister on another.

Can you offer any suggestions? -- PUZZLED IN PALO ALTO

DEAR PUZZLED: Yes. Accept that your mother may simply be most comfortable in her own environment, and stop personalizing her refusal to travel. Enjoy your father's visits when he is able to come.

You and your sister are good, caring children. But your mother has an idiosyncrasy, and you will have to accept it because you have done everything you can.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend bleached her hair blond for a special event, but recently changed it back to her natural black color. She turned me on even more as a blonde, but I'm not sure how to tell her. Would I be out of line to ask her to go blond again for me? -- LIKES HER BLOND IN NEW YORK

DEAR LIKES HER BLOND: The time for you to have raved about how much you liked her "new look" was before she went back to her natural color. For someone to go from dark to blond, then dark to blond again can be damaging to the hair -- not to mention expensive to maintain.

You can ask, I suppose. But she may not be willing to go along with it. And if that's the case, you're just going to have to love her the way God made her.

P.S. You could buy her a blond wig to wear on "special occasions."